


Seingeda Means Family

by RomanoffonamoR



Series: The 100 Littleverse [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Age Play, Background Marper, Big Abby, Big Bellamy, Big Clarke, Big Emori, Big Harper, Big Monty, Bigs and littles are known, Bloodkru, F/F, F/M, Fail sex, Fix-It, Found Family, Little Echo, Little Murphy, Little Raven, Littleverse, Menstruation, Multi, Nightbloods, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Child Abuse, Past Clexa - Freeform, Period blood, Polyamory, Post-Season/Series 04 AU, Seizures, Soulmates, Spacekru survives but doesn't go to space, Those are not kinks btw, heartmates, the birds and the bees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-09-14 14:37:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 52,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16914732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanoffonamoR/pseuds/RomanoffonamoR
Summary: Bigs Bellamy and Clarke, along with Little Echo and Madi travel to Polis four and a half years after Praimfaya for their annual visit. What happens when they get there and find that the bunker has collapsed?*this is a non-sexual ageplay AU where Bigs and Littles are known and everyone is either one or the other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an age-play "Littleverse" AU, where half of the population are Bigs and the other half are Littles. 
> 
> Spacekru never made it to space and instead are living in Eden thanks to Clarke's bone marrow. They also go by Bloodkru instead of Spacekru in this fic.
> 
> Please keep in mind that this is both a Bellarke AND a Becho story, with a focus on the three as a loving and happy family unit. If you are firmly against one of those two ships this story may not be for you. 
> 
> More character and relationship pairings will be added to the tags as the story progresses. If you are unfamiliar with Littleverse fics please feel free to ask me questions in the comments.

It was hot outside. Not the crisp, dry heat of the desert, but the uncomfortable, damp kind that tended to hang around after a heavy rainstorm during the summers in Eden. The kind where your clothes permanently stuck to your skin and every breath felt like a warm drink of nasty algae water. 

It was the kind of heat that made Echo long for the snowy fields and forests of her childhood. When cold was actually  _ cold, _ and not just “a bit nippley out”, as her cousin Murphy would sometimes say during the winter months. 

Truthfully, Echo had no idea what “nippley” actually meant, but it was obviously an inappropriate adult word judging by the way Bellamy’s eyes had bugged out of his head the first time he’d heard Murphy say it around her. And she hadn’t even been super young at the time! She might have even been older than Madi, which meant she’d been the  _ big _ sister and therefore should have been allowed to listen to the naughty word. Big sisters were allowed to do things their younger sisters weren’t; that’s why they were big and the other little, and not both the same age. 

Not that Madi could change her age the way that Echo could. Madi was a real child, an outside child, while Echo was only just an inside one. Inside because she lived inside big Echo’s head and could only come out and play when big Echo was unhappy or asleep. Or sometimes when she was in pain. She didn’t really like playing when big Echo was in pain because it meant she also felt the owies, and sometimes the owies were really, really bad. Like when she was locked in the cage. Little Echo hated playing when she was in the cage.

Thankfully big Echo wasn’t in pain right now, she was just uncomfortable, which is why  _ she _ was there in the sticky, smelly vehicle and not her big self. But that was okay. Even sweating to death in the back of the rover was still better than the alternative - being left behind while her family went on an adventure without her. Or really, being left behind in general. Echo didn’t like being alone anymore, not now that she had a family who loved her and enjoyed having her around.

Which wasn’t really fair of her to think because she’d had Roan growing up, but his love for her had been different. He was her big brother in the for real sense, and not the pretend way that Murphy was for Raven. Roan had loved her and protected her for nearly all of her life, but in the end even he had abandoned her, just like Queen Nia had always said he would. 

“Hey, what’s wrong little E? Why the sad face?” Bellamy asked, breaking Echo out of her thoughts. He was seated in the front of the rover next to Clarke, his girlfriend and soulmate. 

Echo shrugged her shoulders in response to her heartmate’s question. She didn’t like talking about Roan, even if most of her memories of him were happy ones. He was dead now and it hurt her heart to be reminded of that.

“I don’t think she’s sad, I think she’s hot,” Madi offered in explanation when it was apparent Echo wasn’t going to answer for herself.

The ten year old was sitting next to her adopted sister in the back of the rover, both girls sharing the same blanket to protect them from the rough surface of the vehicle’s floor. There used to be bench seats along the walls but they had been removed a few years back to make traveling as a group easier. 

“Aww, is our little ice cube melting back there?” Clarke asked playfully, glancing up into the rear view mirror to try and catch a glimpse of her dropped friend. Echo was apparently laying on her back so all she could make out were the tops of the girl’s bare knees.

Echo rolled her eyes at the nickname but didn’t deny that she was, indeed, melting. The windows in the back of the rover couldn’t be rolled down, so the air around her felt stale and heavy on her sweat soaked skin. She kind of wanted to throw up a little.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have brought her. She never does well during sun storms,” Bellamy spoke up, but slightly quieter this time. “Emori would’ve watched her for a few days if we’d asked.”

“I can hear you,” Echo reported, crossing her arms over her chest for a brief moment before moving them back to her sides on the blanket. It was way too sticky to keep them crossed with how little clothing she was wearing. 

“She wanted to come, Bell. Besides, it’s a tradition now, the four of us. Going to Polis without her wouldn’t have felt right,” Clarke replied, reaching out and pushing playfully at her boyfriend’s shoulder. “Besides, could you  _ imagine _ the guilt trip she’d put us through if we’d gone without her?”

Echo harrumphed at not only being talked about, but also being ignored. “I can hear you both,” she informed again, craning her neck slightly to try and see over the back of the seat. She was unfortunately facing in the wrong direction and therefore couldn’t  properly glare at the two Bigs.

“Is it weird I can feel her staring at us though the back of my head?” Bellamy asked, smirking to himself as his heartmate grumbled again from somewhere behind him. He was tempted to turn around again but knew his shit eating grin would only upset her more. 

Not that he believed Echo was  _ truly _ upset. If he’d thought that he would have stopped their game after his first remark. This was just a “play” upset. It was a chance for Echo to experience emotions she may not have been allowed to as a child, but in a safe and loving environment. 

Raven had once equated it to a type of counseling they used to practice on Earth, back before the bombs had gone off the first time around. She’d read that it was therapeutic for Littles to get upset from time to time in specific situations they and their Big’s could agree upon beforehand. Psychologists had called it a “scene” back then, but Bellamy liked the term “game” a whole lot better.

Currently, talking about Echo while she was within earshot was one of their games. 

“No, it’s not weird at all. It’s called being a dad, Bell. You’ll get used to it, I promise. Soon you’ll be able to tell where she is at any given moment without even having to look for her. You’ll be able to just... reach back behind you and bam, there she is.” As she spoke, Clarke reached behind her and into the back of the rover, managing to grasp the top of Madi’s head on her first try. 

“Clarke!” Madi squealed, ducking away from her adoptive mother’s hand before she could mess up the braid she’d started to work on. 

“That’s absolutely  _ terrifying. _ It’s not too late to return her to the store is it? Maybe get a puppy instead?” Bellamy asked, trying his best not to let his growing amusement seep into his voice. The game didn’t work if he started laughing in the middle of it.

“Stoooooop,” Echo wailed from the back of the rover. She balled her hands into fists and banged them down on the blanket besides her hips. She didn’t like it when everyone ignored her!

“You mean I could have had a puppy instead of a sister?” Madi suddenly asked, realizing what was going on and wanting to join in on the game. She didn’t usually like making her sometimes older, sometimes younger sister upset, but maybe doing so now would take her mind off of how hot she was?

“You guys are making fun of me,” Echo whined, rolling onto her side so she could slowly pull herself into a sitting position. “Monty says there’s no more puppies in Eden. And you didn’t get me from the store. We don’t even  _ have _ a store,” she insisted grumpily. 

“True, but you did follow us home kind of like a puppy,” Bellamy replied, turning in his seat now so he could wink playfully in Echo’s direction. The Little stuck her tongue out at him instead of winking back. 

“Wait a second, I’m confused. We’re comparing her to a puppy now? I thought we were trading her in for one?” Clarke was also trying hard not to laugh.

Echo could hear the humor in the Big’s voice and it made her tummy feel funny, but in a nice way and not the throw uppy kind of way. She liked it when Clarke was happy. It made her feel all warm and nice inside, but not nearly as warm and nice as when her heartmate was happy. 

“Ah, there’s that smile. No more sad face on our little girl.” Bellamy beamed in Echo’s  direction and his Little couldn’t help but smile back. He knew she liked it when he called her  _ their _ little girl since it meant she wasn’t just his, but Clarke’s as well. 

Even though Clarke and Echo weren’t spiritually bonded as heartmates, Bellamy knew they loved each other as if they were. Well, little Echo at least. What Clarke felt for big Echo was an entirely different kind of love. One that made Bellamy blush just thinking about.

“So we’re keeping her then?” Clarke prodded, noticing that her soulmate seemed to be off in his head somewhere. She reached across the seat and poked him in the side.

“What? I mean, yes, we’re definitely keeping her,” Bellamy grunted as he batted Clarke’s hand away. “You hear that Little E? You’re stuck with us forever and ever.” He glanced into the back of the rover again and winked once more in Echo’s direction. 

This time Echo winked back, but then also stuck her tongue out for good measure. She didn’t feel as hot anymore, and her need to vomit had all but disappeared. How was it her family always managed to make her feel better by making her upset first? They had been  _ teasing _ her and yet she felt all happy and floaty inside now. 

“Okay good. Because we're coming up to the lake and I’m getting reaaallly tired of driving all by myself,” Clarke added with a huge, over exaggerated yawn halfway through her sentence. “Since we're keeping her, do you think our ice cube would like to drive for a bit?”

Echo’s eyes widened at the thought of getting to drive the rover. It was a super rare, super special treat to get to drive, especially on trips really far from home, like the one they were currently on. And even then usually Madi or Murphy were the ones who got to drive. 

“Hold on Clarke-” Bellamy didn’t finish his sentence, but instead motioned for his girlfriend to slow the rover down to a stop. “Before you get her hopes up she needs to pass the test.”

“What? I thought she was….  _ Shit.”  _ The rover came to a sudden, screeching halt as Clarke slammed on the breaks.

_ “Jesus, _ Clarke,” Bellamy gasped, having been thrown from his seat and into the dashboard. “Are you girls okay back there?” A chorus of “yesses” followed and he relaxed slightly. The last thing they needed were broken bones or concussions.

“Sorry! I keep forgetting Raven fixed the breaks on this thing. I’m not used to the rover actually  _ stopping _ when I press on them like that,” Clarke explained as she shifted the vehicle into park. Not that they were going to roll anywhere. The dried out lake bed was the flattest stretch of land for hundreds of miles, and as such was the safest place for the kids to practice their driving skills. 

“She fixed them over a month ago,” Bellamy replied back, raising an eyebrow suspiciously at his girlfriend as he resettled himself in his seat. 

“What can I say? Mama likes to go fast. Ain’t that right Madi?”

“Uh huh! Peddle to the metal and burn rubber! Wahooo!” Madi exclaimed as she swung her fist in the air above her head. 

“Seriously Clarke?  _ That’s _ the example you’re setting for the children?” Bellamy asked incredulously, though he was shocked more than he was disapproving of Clarke’s reckless behavior when he wasn’t around. “Maybe we should forget about the test entirely and let little Raven drive us around, diaper and all?” He couldn't help but smirk at the thought of the baby driving the rover. 

“Sure. We’d have to get her a booster seat though so she could see over the wheel,” Clarke replied, laughing herself at the visual. 

“Yeah, how about no. Emori would skin us alive and you know it. Girl’s got it worse than Harper when it comes to the need to protect her baby.” Which was true. Painfully so. Though Bellamy suspected it had more to do with the stress of having  _ two _ Littles in her care and not just the fact that one of them was a toddler.

“Anyway, getting back to the test. Echo, what’s the most important rule we have when it comes to driving?” Bellamy asked his own Little, turning around even further so he could better look at her as she answered. 

“You have to be ten or over to drive the rover,” Echo recited from memory. Suddenly the happy feeling that she’d felt building in her stomach vanished completely as she realized what this meant. 

“That’s exactly right baby girl. So the question is, how old are you right now?” Bellamy already knew what the answer was going to be, but he still needed to ask. 

Echo sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth as she thought about the question that Bellamy was  _ really _ asking. Judging by his expression he already knew she wasn’t old enough right  _ now, _ but did she want to make herself age up a little bit so that she would be? It was a super special trick that only she knew how to do. Not even Raven, who was good at  _ everything, _ could change her Little age.

“There’s no right or wrong answer sweetheart,” Clarke offered, having turned around in her seat as well. 

Echo felt her face heat up as her entire family stared at her. If anything she wanted to age  _ down, _ not up. Eventually she released her lip from between her teeth and slowly shook her head. Driving was fun, but right now she wanted to be five more than she wanted to be ten.

“No? As in, ‘no, you’re not older than ten’?” Bellamy asked, his expression and tone shifting into a more neutral one. 

It bothered Echo when he did that with his voice and face because she liked knowing what she needed to say to make him happy. But in this case she already knew the truth was what he was looking for, and so she simply nodded her head. 

“Thank you for being honest Little E,” Bellamy praised, reaching out and grasping the girl’s shoulder since that was all he could reach. “Unfortunately this means you’re too young to drive, even if it’s just across the lake bed.” 

Echo sighed and nodded her head in acquiescence. Maybe she would want to be older on the way back and could drive then? Or maybe she would be big? She could drive whenever she wanted when she was big. 

“So…. if Echo can’t drive, can I? I’m almost eleven so I definitely pass the test,” Madi asked carefully, not wanting to upset Echo by taking for herself something her sister couldn’t have.  

Bellamy and Clarke shared a brief questioning look, but then nodded their heads at the girl’s request. 

Madi let out another whoop as she climbed to her feet and leapt over the back of the vehicle’s only row of seats. Without waiting for Clarke to move aside, she began to climb over her adoptive mother so she could get behind the wheel. 

“Woah, slow down my little speed demon. Let me move over first. Bellamy, you want to sit in the back with our itty bitty ice cube? In case she starts melting again?” Clarke asked as she shifted sideways towards where Bellamy was sitting in the passenger seat. 

Echo scrunched her face up at Clarke’s continued use of the nickname she had given her almost four years ago. It was better than Azreina, at least. Murphy had tried making that her nickname shortly after Praimfaya, but he’d stopped after her big self had lost control one day and punched him in the eye. That had been ages ago, back when they were still living in the bunker. Back before they had run out of food and water and had to rely on Clarke’s bone marrow to save them from the radiation outside. 

That was before they were Bloodkru. Before they were seingeda.  _ Family.  _

“Uh oh. Is that another sad face I see?” Bellamy asked as he carefully climbed over Clarke and then into the back of the rover. He sat down a few feet away from Echo on the blanket covered floor. He didn’t want to make her illness worse by adding his body heat into the equation. 

“Not sad,” Echo insisted, frowning as her Big chose not to sit right next to her. Okay maybe she was a  _ little _ sad, but only because Bellamy wasn’t close enough to cuddle with. Why else would he have sat in the back with her if not to cuddle? 

Not liking the separation, she scooted on her butt until she was close enough to lay her head on his shoulder. She would have gone all in for a proper cuddle but as she got closer she remembered how hot his body always was against hers. It was nice when it was a bit nippley out, but not so nice when she was melting. 

“Okay, not sad, but not happy either?” Bellamy asked, his hand coming up to gently play with one of the braids in her hair. It struck him that he had to consciously make an effort  _ not _ to pull her closer. All joking from earlier aside, he absolutely loved being a dad to his precious little girl.

Next to him Echo whined in response to his question and shook her head as best she could while keeping it on his shoulder. The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the comfort their small amount of contact afforded. 

“M’fine,” Echo eventually whispered, wanting to break up the silence. She grabbed Bellamy’s nearby hand and pulled it into her lap, her fingers gently roaming over the macrame bracelet on his wrist. It was one of her original creations, back before she’d learned how to make her edges look pretty and not quite so lumpy. “This is old,” she informed, spinning the bracelet so the tied ends were on top of his wrist.

“It is,” Bellamy responded, holding his hand perfectly still as Echo played with the dirty, frayed ends of the bracelet.

“I’ve made you prettier ones,” Echo insisted with a frown. She pulled his hand from her lap and brought it up onto her chest, resting it there so she could examine the jewelry more closely. The bracelet might have even been the first one she’d ever made in  _ general, _ and not just for her Big. 

Bellamy lifted his hand up off of Echo’s chest and spun the bracelet around on his wrist so the patterns were once again visible. “I know you have, honey, but I like this one the most. Do you know why?” he asked, tracing the knots with his own fingertips. 

Echo shrugged her shoulders, watching as Bellamy played with her bracelet. Her desire to remain separate from him was quickly being overpowered by the urge to get closer, and eventually she gave in and snuggled against his side. So what if he was sticky and hot? If she were going to die from the heat she would rather be in his arms when it happened than apart from him.

Bellamy smiled at the girl as she wriggled into the crook of his arm and rested her head on his chest. Since physically they were almost the same height, the Little had to hunch over at an awkward angle to make the position work. “This one’s my favorite because it’s the first one you ever gave me,” he finished explaining, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before going back to running his fingers through her hair. 

“Oh god, you’re such a  _ sap,” _ Clarke smirked from the passenger seat. She’d turned around to watch the interaction between the two, finding it corny but also ridiculously sweet. Even though she frequently teased her soulmate for being soft where Echo was concerned, she actually found it incredibly endearing. It reminded her of one of the reasons she’d fallen in love with him in the first place - his relationship with his younger sister.

“Really, Clarke? Do you mind? We’re kind of having a moment here,” Bellamy responded, sticking his tongue out at his soulmate in mock annoyance. Truthfully he was blushing all over at what was technically a compliment shared between the two of them. 

Clarke responded to his gesture by sticking her own tongue out, but between the first two fingers of the hand she’d quickly brought up in front of her face. And if that wasn’t suggestive enough, she began to wiggle it between her splayed digits. 

Bellamy gasped, shocked that she’d do such a thing in front of the kids. “Clarke!” he bemoaned, glancing down to see if Echo had been paying attention or not. 

“Calm down Bell, even if she saw what I did she has no idea what it means,” Clarke rolled her eyes as she laughed at Bellamy’s budding distress. He was adorable when he became overprotective of his Little.

“So? What if she repeats it in front of the others?”

Echo frowned at the two Bigs, unsure what all the fuss was about. She lifted her hand in front of her face and spread her fingers out like Clarke had done, but before she could try and re-enact the tongue part, Bellamy gently grabbed her wrist and brought it back down to her lap.

“See?! You think Monty will ever let us watch Jordan again if our own kid is walking around making  _ that _ gesture at people?”

Clarke titled her head to the side and gave Bellamy her best ‘are you serious right now?’ look. “At  _ people? _ Really? You mean the last five people on Earth that aren’t currently in this truck with us? Okay,  _ six _ if we count the baby.”

Echo whimpered as she felt Bellamy’s body tense up next to her. She didn’t like where this conversation was suddenly going. 

Clarke noticed Bellamy’s knee jerk reaction as well and sighed, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that,” she explained softly, sincerely. She hadn’t meant to imply that their friends and family trapped in the bunker in Polis were no longer alive.

When Bellamy didn’t immediately respond to her apology Clarke shifted her expression to Echo. “Hey, Itty Bitty? Can you do me a favor and please never repeat that hand thingy in front of the others? Not while you’re dropped, I mean.” 

Clarke understood that whatever little Echo saw, big Echo also saw, but she knew from personal experience that Bellamy didn’t have any issues with the adult version of his heartmate being obscene, even when they were in public. In fact, he tended to blush even  _ harder _ when Echo acted suggestively around the two of them in plain view of their friends. 

Okay, so that wasn’t  _ entirely _ true. Monty and Harper were a special case, in that the three of them did their best not to be too overly affectionate with each other in front of the duo. So while little Echo making obscene hand gestures wasn’t technically the same thing as big Echo making them, Clarke could understand Bellamy’s reluctance to let the girl repeat the actions. 

It’s not that Monty or Harper truly believed they were being abusive towards the Little, but a lifetime of being told one thing about cross dynamic relationships wasn’t always that easy to overcome. Back on the Ark, sexual intimacy between Bigs and Littles was considered a sin of the highest order and was punishable by death. But only for the Big. It was assumed that the Little had been a victim in the relationship, and therefore was not guilty of a crime. 

It was a completely archaic way of thinking; that a Little wasn’t capable of free will or consent where Bigs were concerned. That the inherent imbalance of power between the two dynamics would somehow result in a Little not being able to say no. Ark scientists had been convinced that because children had a biological imperative to always obey their parents, that Littles also had one towards Bigs.

Clarke was rather ashamed to admit that she also used to believe this false science, and rather strongly at that. She’d even defended it alongside Bellamy when he’d caught Atom looking at Octavia not long after they’d landed on Earth. It was actually the reason she’d found it so easy to take the boy’s life when he’d lay dying after being trapped in the acid fog. He was the first person she’d ever killed, and at the time she’d truly felt that he deserved it.

Which was more than a little hypocritical considering her subsequent intimate relationship with Lexa, who had actually ended up being her heartmate and was therefore considered doubly as sinful to be intimate with. 

A heartmate was the cross dynamic equivalent of a soulmate, and as such implied a spiritual bond that went much deeper than a traditional relationship. Arkers already believed that Littles couldn’t say no to Bigs, so adding a heartmate bond on top of that was simply the icing on the proverbial abuse of power cake. 

What eventually began to change people’s minds was the fact that the grounders didn’t seem to adhere to the same dogma as they did, yet their Littles didn’t seem any worse for the fact. In reality, grounder Littles seemed even better off because of it. 

Looking back, society on the Ark had been very reminiscent of the mid 1900’s on Earth, where women and Littles were considered second class to male Bigs. But on the ground everyone was equal, and if everyone was equal, then everyone had the ability to consent.

Of course this only applied to Littles while they were in their normal adult headspaces. If a dropped Little were ever propositioned for sex by either a Big or a non dropped Little then all bets were off. It happened very rarely in grounder society, but when it did there were incredibly specific and horrifying methods of “dealing” with the offender. 

Clarke had once believed that “death by a thousand cuts” was barbaric, but after living with two former grounders for nearly five years she’d discovered anecdotally that there were much more shocking methods of dealing with the worst type of criminal offenders. Shocking, but admittedly quite satisfying considering their crimes.

Making obscene hand gestures in front of Littles, thankfully, wasn’t actually a crime. But Clarke understood that Bellamy’s concern came mostly from the fact that Monty still had trouble sometimes accepting this drastic change in his belief system. He  _ was _ trying though, and so it was only fair to not rub it in his face if they could help it. 

Harper was actually much more approving of cross dynamic relationships than her soulmate, though Clarke knew that Emori and Murphy being affectionate still gave her trouble on occasions. Her friend had once confessed that the problem lay with the fact it was incredibly difficult to tell when Murphy was dropped. His Little self was 14, and as such, acted pretty much the same way his normal adult self did. At least with Echo there was always a clear shift between when she was their  _ baby _ girl, and when she was just their girl.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Clarke concentrated once more on the Little in question. She needed to know that Echo wouldn’t mimic what she’d done earlier in front of their friends. 

Echo eventually nodded her own head, understanding now that whatever it was Clarke had done with her hand and tongue was something Bellamy didn’t want her repeating. “I promise I’ll be a good girl,” she insisted, craning her head so she could look up at her Big. 

Bellamy felt his anger melt away at the sincere and hopeful expression on Echo’s face. “Aw honey, you’re  _ always _ a good girl. Clarke was the one being naughty,” he explained, pressing a kiss to the tip of Echo’s nose. Her face scrunched up in response, causing him to laugh and hug her tighter against his side.

“Are you sure  _ you’re _ not a Little, Mom?” Madi asked, taking her eyes off the road briefly to smirk at the woman next to her. “You’re always being naughty. Maybe Bellamy should put  _ you _ in time out when we make camp later?”

Clarke turned back around in her seat and playfully swatted the child in the shoulder. “Madi!” she laughed, half indignant and half amused at the girl’s suggestion. “There’s more to being Little than acting like a brat. You know that.”

Madi did know that. All of the Bigs in Bloodkru had at one point explained to her the differences between Bigs and Littles, but the things they’d told her didn’t always line up with what she saw first hand in her Azgeda sibling. In Raven and Murphy, sure, but not in Echo. Not all the time. 

“I dunno Clarke, Madi does have a point. Maybe I should put you over my knee later just in case?” 

Clarke was going to get whiplash with how quickly and how often she was spinning around in her seat. “Bellamy! Really?! So it’s okay for  _ you _ to make suggestive jokes around the kids, but when  _ I _ do it…?” She placed a hand over her chest in feigned indignation. Truthfully, she was trying desperately hard not to blush.

Before Bellamy had the chance to respond, the rover suddenly lurched to the left and then came to a terrifyingly abrupt halt as Madi slammed on the breaks.

“Madi?! What happened?! What’s wrong?!” Clarke had been thrown into the space between the dashboard and the seat and quickly climbed out and over to the panicked, trembling child. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I- Something ran in front of us! I swear I didn’t see it until the last second!” Madi was fighting back tears, her hands gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckles were turning white. 

“Oh sweetie, it’s alright. It was probably just a shadow. We’re hundreds of miles from Eden; There’s nothing out there, I promise.” 

Madi wasn’t convinced and shook her head quickly. “I- I don’t want to drive anymore.”

Clarke placed her hand on Madi’s back, rubbing gently to try and soothe her. Her instincts were screaming at her to pull the child into her lap and hold and rock her, but Madi was at that age where she sometimes fought against such overt signs of affection. Clarke didn’t want to make things worse for her by assuming this wouldn’t be one of those times.

“That’s okay. I’ll drive, and you can be my navigator until we stop for the night.” 

Madi nodded her head and slowly let go of her death grip on the steering wheel. 

In the back of the rover, Echo kind of felt like throwing up again. 

“Oh, hey, you alright kiddo?” Bellamy asked, shifting his attention from the girls in the front to the one now pulling away from him. He reached out and began rubbing his Little’s back gently as she leant forward with her head between her knees. 

“Not much longer until the sun goes down and then we’ll stop and set up camp. It’ll be cooler then and maybe your tummy will start feeling better.” He removed his hand from her sweat soaked back in order to rip a small piece of fabric off the blanket they were sitting on. He then pulled his personal water flask from its near permanent spot on his hip and poured some of the warm liquid onto the cloth. Once it was damp enough he draped it across the back of Echo’s neck.

“No wasting water,” Echo mumbled, instinctively repeating what she’d been told on countless occasions in the past. 

“I think we can waste just a little if it means keeping you alive,” Bellamy responded, nudging the girl in the side with his flask, indicating for her to take a drink. “It’s okay if you throw it back up. You’ll only feel worse if you don’t at least try and stay hydrated.”

Back in the front of the rover Madi frowned as she listened to the conversation going on behind her. “Clarke, could Echo really die from the heat?” she asked, chewing on her lower lip in one of the numerous bad habits she’d picked up from her Azgeda sibling.

Clarke glanced into the rearview mirror for a moment, unsure how to respond. She didn’t want to worry Madi, but she also had a rule against lying to the kids. “I don’t know if she’d actually die, but she would get really sick. You know how your aunt Raven gets sometimes? When she lays on the ground and shakes? It would be kind of like that, only much sweatier.”

Madi wrinkled her nose, thinking about the visual. “Is it because she’s from Ice Land? Like those white bears you told me about that could only live in the snow?”

Clarke glanced adoringly at her child. “Ice  _ Nation, _ not Ice Land. Iceland was a real country at one point in history, but that’s not where Echo is from. I think she’s from Canada.”

Madi grinned at the amusing new word. “Cah-na-duh,” she repeated, testing the syllables on her tongue. “Did Canada have snow bears?”

“I think so, but probably not as far south as Azgeda. You can ask Echo when she’s feeling better. Maybe they told her stories about them when she was a kid?” Clarke suggested, manually switching on the rover’s lights as the sun had finally begun to set.

Madi sighed and shook her head sadly. “I don’t think they told her very many stories when she was my age.”

Clarke sighed as well, reaching over and taking one of Madi’s hands in her own and gripping it. It still amazed her how much the child understood about her sibling considering she didn’t actually know anything at all about Echo’s horrific upbringing. But that had been Echo’s choice to keep those things from Madi, not hers. Clarke would have at least told the girl the basics once she’d been old enough to understand.

“I can hear you guys,  _ again,” _ Echo grumbled, her head still tucked between her knees as the nausea continued to assault her. She really didn’t want to throw up in the rover, not when they still had another full day of travel before they reached Polis. 

“I know sweetheart, we don’t whisper around you. It’s part of the game, remember?” Clarke explained, glancing over to Madi and nodding her head towards where Echo sat behind them.

Understanding what Clarke wanted from her, Madi turned around in her seat. “Were there snow bears in Azgeda, Echo?” she asked, hoping to distract the girl from her discomfort. 

Echo lifted her head at the question. “Hmmm, maybe? I never saw one, but big Echo didn’t spend much time in the North since there was no one to spy on up there,” she explained, bringing a hand up to her forehead to begin massaging her temple. She was getting a headache now on top of her nausea. 

Bellamy noticed her action and reached for the damp cloth, removing it and rewetting it, then replacing it on the girl’s neck. 

“Clarke I think now’s a good time to stop and set up camp. Echo and Madi need to eat and we can use the last bit of sun to charge the rover for the morning,” he suggested, taking note of how Echo’s body sagged in relief. 

“Alright, yeah. We’re more than halfway there anyway,” Clarke agreed. She began looking for a suitable place to park for the night, one where they could utilize some trees to make a tent, but also somewhere that had enough room for a fire to cook their food on. “Oh hey, girls, look,” she instructed, pointing at the windshield and up towards the sky. “It’s starting to cloud up. Maybe it’ll rain?”

Echo perked up at the idea of it raining. She really wanted a shower to get all of the icky sweat off, plus it always made her body feel nice and cool when she was rained on. 

Eventually Clarke found the perfect place and slowed the rover to a stop, parking it opposite a row of thick, seemingly sturdy trees. Everything was still dead outside of Eden so it was important to make sure they didn’t camp beneath a tree that might collapse on them in the night. 

Once the vehicle was stopped Bellamy scooted to the doors and pushed them open, wincing as a rather forceful gust of warm, moist air assaulted him. Clarke had been right about the sky clouding over, so hopefully it was just the precursor to an impending rainstorm, and not more of the same type of humidity they’d been dealing with the entire drive so far. 

“Come on kiddo. The air will be much cooler in the shade.” He slipped off the edge of the truck and onto the dirt, and then turned around and reached back in towards his Little. Echo looked absolutely miserable as she uncurled herself and slowly began to crawl her way towards him. 

“Alright, easy, there you go,” Bellamy cooed softly as he helped the girl climb out of the rover and onto the ground next to him. It was times like this that he regretted not being taller and stronger. He’d have given anything in that moment to be physically capable of picking Echo up and carrying her like an actual child. Emori was lucky with Raven in that respect. 

“How about we set you down over by those trees? Clarke and I will get the tent set up while Madi collects some wood for the fire. You just worry about cooling off, alright?” Bellamy could sense that the girl wanted to argue, but he shook his head before she could and then started leading her towards where he’d been indicating. 

Echo hated being useless, but didn’t have the energy to do much complaining other than the occasional whine as she allowed Bellamy to help her settle down on the ground beneath the trees. At least he’d been right about it feeling much less hot and stuffy in the shade. It was actually kind of pleasant, how the cold dirt absorbed her body heat through her thin layer of clothing. 

Ignoring the hands which were trying to hold her steady and upright, Echo shifted and wiggled until she had enough room to lay on her back in the dirt. “Mmmm,” she moaned happily in what felt like the first time in hours. 

Bellamy smiled down at the Little, reaching out and brushing some of her hair from her still damp forehead. “You want to take a nap baby girl? You might feel better if you sleep for a while.”

Echo considered the offer for a few moments, weighing the pros and cons of a nap. On the one hand she most likely  _ would _ feel better if she slept a little, but on the other hand there was always the possibility she might wake up big again, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to age up just yet. 

In the end, her tiredness won out and she let out a long, drawn out yawn as an answer to Bellamy’s question. 

“Alright, sweetheart. You enjoy your nap. I’ll make sure Madi doesn’t eat all your dinner before you wake up,” Bellamy whispered, smiling to himself at the affronted look the child would be giving him if she were near enough to overhear his statement. Puberty was just around the corner for Madi, which meant she was eating a lot more than she used to. 

“Kei,” Echo replied, yawning once again. She was starting to drift off into sleep and instinctively turned over onto her side, pulling her knees up into her chest. 

Bellamy frowned at his lack of foresight in bringing a pillow, and quickly pulled off his shirt, wadding it up into a ball so he could carefully place it between Echo’s head and the ground. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too grossed out by how sweaty it was.

“Mochof,” Echo whispered, already halfway into sleep. “Reshop, Noni,” she added after a few moments, followed by yet another yawn. 

Bellamy sat there next to his little girl, his heart swelling in his chest as she slowly drifted off. “Reshop strikon,” he eventually whispered back, bending down and placing a loving kiss to the girl’s forehead. Once he was certain she was asleep, he slowly got to his feet and headed back towards Clarke and the rover, intending to help her set up camp for the night.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Two hours later Bellamy finally crawled into the tent he shared with his family on trips such as these. It was large enough to sleep four, but that night it would just be the two of them. Madi had wanted to sleep in the rover and Echo hadn’t wanted to leave her alone. The Little had still been dropped when she’d woken up from her nap, but had aged up enough that she was now Madi’s big sister. 

Madi had taken the change in stride, easily adjusting into her new role as the younger of the two. It warmed Bellamy’s heart to see the two of them getting on so well since it hadn’t always been like that. It hadn’t always been easy. Like any family they’d certainly had their fair share of ups and downs, but thankfully the road ahead seemed to be heading in a generally upwards direction. 

“Girls finally asleep?” Clarke asked, yawning groggily as she rolled over to face the front of the tent. She’d gone to bed nearly a half hour ago and had been just moments away from falling asleep when her soulmate appeared. 

“Yep.  _ Finally,” _ Bellamy responded, absolutely exhausted. He decided against unlacing and removing his boots and instead went straight to collapsing onto the bedroll next to Clarke. “Echo wanted to read Madi a bedtime story,” he explained, his voice muffled from how his face was pressed into the furs. 

Clarke adjusted her blanket so it now covered the both of them and then snuggled into her boyfriend’s side. “How’d she do?”

Bellamy half snorted, half laughed at the question. “How do you think?” 

Clarke grinned despite herself. Teasing Echo about the fact that she couldn’t read wasn’t part of their game. They’d spent nearly a year trying to teach her but had eventually given up when they’d realized she could barely see the words on the page due to the fact she was extremely farsighted. 

Reading glasses weren’t a thing in grounder culture since reading in general was heavily frowned upon outside of certain professions. As a spy in training Echo hadn’t needed that particular skill, therefor had no idea her eyesight was any different until Raven had one day figured it out. 

Unfortunately the chances of them finding her a suitable pair of reading glasses were pretty much slim to none. Praimfaya 2.0 had destroyed almost everything it’s predecessor had missed, which meant there was very little of the old world left behind. Other than rubble. There was still lots and lots of rubble. 

“Halfway through she gave up trying to tell the story from memory and began making it up. Did you know Thing 1 and Thing 2 were actually Trikru warriors sent to destroy an Azgeda household?” Bellamy turned his head so he could look at Clarke as he spoke. 

“Huh. So the giant cat was Azgeda?” 

“Nope, also Trikru.  _ Heda. _ The two kids were Ice Nation.” 

Clarke tensed ever so slightly at the mention of The Commander even though Bellamy hadn’t specified which one. “Nonsense. Lexa would’ve never worn such a ridiculous looking hat.” She made a conscious effort to relax despite how painful it still was to say her deceased heartmate’s name. 

Bellamy turned over onto his side and pulled Clarke into his arms. “You’re right. It would have clashed horribly with her war paint.” He began to rub his lover’s back, internally kicking himself for not being more careful with his words. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be. I’m okay,” Clarke insisted, shifting so she could rest her head on Bellamy’s upper arm instead of their pillow. After a few minutes of comfortable silence she spoke up again, “we should probably leave some room. I doubt it’ll remain the two of us come morning.” Despite her words she stayed exactly where she was, curled up close to Bellamy. 

“Echo may be tall, but she’s also really wiry. If she wants to cuddle in between us she’ll find a way,” Bellamy responded, grinning once again at the similarities between Echo and a puppy. 

Often times Littles needed physical or emotional comfort from their Bigs immediately after waking up from a drop. The younger their little age, the more common it was. In Echo’s case, it happened more frequently when she shifted between two or more ages in a single drop, regardless of how young they were. This meant chances were high she would be joining them in bed at some point during the night. 

“Or maybe she’ll stay with Madi and let the two of us have some alone time?” Clarke offered as an afterthought, remembering now Bellamy’s comment about putting her over his knee for being naughty. Even though Echo had been dropped at the time the innuendo was said, her adult self would most certainly remember it. She tended to remember the embarrassing things more clearly than the trivial things. 

“Alone time?” Bellamy asked, lifting his head off of the pillow so he could give Clarke a proper knowing look. “We’re alone right now.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, lifting a hand so she could drag her fingertips over the pattern on the front of Bellamy’s shirt. “I liked the one you were wearing earlier better,” she commented after a few moments. “Actually, I like you  _ without _ a shirt more.” She followed the thick black lines on the fabric across one of his nipples with her index finger. 

Bellamy slowed his breathing down as Clarke teased him through his shirt. “Clarke, the girls could wake up at any moment,” he cautioned, though he made no physical effort to stop her hand. 

Clarke knew the chances of Echo going to sleep for a second time and waking up still dropped were basically slim to none. But even if she did, the girl was savvy enough to know not to walk in on mommy and daddy when they were alone together at night. Not without announcing herself first. Madi knew this rule as well, though Clarke wasn’t too worried about her. Her daughter tended to sleep like the dead. 

Boldened, Clarke abandoned her soulmates chest in order to follow one of the lines down towards his navel. “I’ll be quick,” she insisted quietly, her own breathing slowing down to match his. Her hand was soon beneath the blanket, dancing above the waistband of his pants.

Bellamy was seriously regretting not taking off his boots as Clarke began to undo the fastenings on his pants. “What was it you said? ‘Mama likes to go fast?’” he smirked, remembering his soulmate’s comment from earlier about driving the rover. 

Clarke thought about rolling her eyes, but instead lifted herself up on her elbow so she could kiss her love. “Maybe not  _ that _ fast,” she amended, giving up on Bellamy’s clothes so she could work on her own. 

It took some rolling around and adjusting themselves underneath the blankets, but eventually they were stripped down enough that Clarke could crawl on top of Bellamy and slowly take him inside of her. It was a terrible angle, neither of them having much leverage to move without dislodging the blankets, but they made it work. And true to Clarke’s words, it didn’t take her more than a handful of minutes to reach her climax, which resulted in Bellamy coming a few moments later. 

Despite the abridged nature of their tryst, both of them were sweating heavily, as if they’d just run a marathon. The air in the tent had grown humid and thick, and smelled noticeably of sex. Clarke knew she needed to get up and find something to clean the both of them with, but she was honestly too tired to move let alone get redressed to leave the tent. 

“Think Echo will care if we’re still naked in the morning?” she asked, reluctantly allowing Bellamy to help her roll off of his chest and back onto the furs next to him. She winced as her sticky thighs rubbed together in that incredibly unappealing, unsexy way. Still, she would much rather pass out as she was than actually do something about it. 

Bellamy wiped the beaded drops of sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm. He was sated. Happy. Making love to Clarke was at the top of his most favorite things to do list. But he was also exhausted and really wanted to just fall asleep. He knew he couldn’t though. Not yet. They couldn’t go to bed like this. “Doubt it, but hang on, I’ll get us something to clean up with.”

Using his own shirt as a temporary rag, he made quick work of wiping himself down just enough that he could get his pants back on. Both of them had packed multiple changes of clothes so he wasn’t too worried about keeping what they were currently wearing clean. 

He exited the tent as quietly as he could and crossed over to the pile of bags they’d emptied out of the rover. With both Echo and Madi sleeping in the back there hadn’t been any room to keep them inside the vehicle. Which, considering his current predicament, was actually working in his favor. 

Once he’d found what he was looking for he made his way back towards the tent, only to find that Clarke had fallen asleep in the time it took to retrieve his flask and a rag. Deciding not to wake her, he soaked the fabric and wrung it out, then made quick work of cleaning her down in the places that she really needed it. There was no way he was going to be able to redress her without disturbing her though, so he simply covered her up with the blanket and made sure her clothes were within arms reach for when she did wake up. 

Too drained to bother properly cleaning himself, Bellamy tossed the rag into the corner of the tent and then drank what was left in his flask before setting it down as well. Laying down next to Clarke, he contemplated trying to squeeze under the blankets with her, but decided against putting in the effort. She’d only steal them all for herself in the middle of the night anyway. 

Turning onto his side, he gently laid his head down on their joint pillow and gazed across at his lover. The moonlight coming in from the holes at the top of the tent illuminated her sleeping features and it took all of his willpower not to reach across and stroke his knuckles down her cheek. He loved touching her, sexually or otherwise, but more than that he loved when she was happy and well rested. 

Keeping his hands to himself, he snuggled as close to Clarke as he could and closed his eyes, soon drifting off to sleep.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added a few new tags that contain a potential squick warning for this chapter. It's kinda spoilerish but if you think you're easily squicked you might want to check the tags before reading.

Morning came much too quickly for Bellamy’s liking. The temperature inside the tent was slowly starting to rise as the sun began it’s travels overhead. As stuffy as it had been the night before, he knew it was about to get a whole lot worse if they stayed there much longer. Stretching his muscles as best he could without waking Clarke, he rolled onto his side and blinked open his eyes.

The sleepy face that greeted him on the pillow wasn’t Clarke’s.

“Hey,” he whispered, pulling his head back briefly so he could cover his mouth as he yawned. “Sleep well?” He reached his arm out and tugging Echo closer, mirroring his actions with Clarke the night before.

Echo whined groggily but made no attempt to pull away. She was achy and sweaty, but that was par for the course during the summer months. Crawling into Bellamy and Clarke’s tent wasn’t the brightest of moves considering her inability to regulate her body temperature, but she’d wanted cuddles damnit.

“Slept like a baby,” she responded, grinning to herself at her own joke. “I’d ask how _you_ slept but considering Clarke’s currently naked under the blankets I can probably guess.”

She wasn’t jealous, not in the least. This was actually the reason her littleself had decided to sleep in the rover with Madi. The girl was almost eleven and didn’t actually need her company or protection, but the day had been hot and stressful and Echo had wanted to give her Bigs a chance to relax before it started up all over again.

Bellamy grinned sheepishly at Echo in confirmation to her suspicion. “You mad?” he asked, already knowing she wouldn’t be. He was curious what was going on inside her head though and knew it was a good way to prod for information. Even though it had been years since the three of them had started this thing together, asking Echo what she was feeling directly didn’t always produce an honest response.

It’s not that she lied to them for manipulative purposes, but sometimes even _she_ didn’t know what she was feeling and so didn’t always have the words to explain things to them. At times like that it was easier for her to make something up than admit she didn’t know what was going on inside her head or her heart.

“No. Why would I be mad? You didn’t reach your quota for the month, did you?” Echo asked, rolling her eyes at Bellamy.

Bellamy had no idea Echo even knew the word ‘quota’ and found himself grinning at the notion she must have overheard the phrase from one of their friends. “Nope, I’ve got a few rounds left in me, don’t you worry.” He lifted his head off of the pillow and pressed a kiss to his heartmate’s lips.

Echo shuddered at the touch of his lips to hers. Even though she was uncomfortably hot and was quickly nearing her limit for how much body heat she could stand to exchange, she rolled herself closer, pressing her body flush against his. “Oh yeah? Prove it.”

For the second time in less then eight hours Bellamy had a pair of hands pulling at the fastenings of his pants. He wasn’t complaining though. Not in the least. “You sure?” he asked, waiting for her to nod before he crawled on top of her with his knees bracketing her thighs and his elbows in line with her breasts. From this position it was easy to lean down and begin trailing kisses down his lover’s face and neck.

Echo’s breathing sped up as Bellamy positioned himself above her. She loved when he took her like this. It made her feel safe and secure. Like nothing bad could ever happen to her while she was beneath him. Like his body was a shield, and she was something actually worth protecting. “We need to be quick. I might throw up if it gets much hotter in here.”

Bellamy laughed and playfully wrinkled his nose at the warning. “You need to work on your dirty talk.” He adjusted his weight onto one side so he could reach between them and finish undoing his pants. In this position he didn’t have to take them off entirely. Echo must have already taken off her sleep shorts before she’d laid down, so all he had to do was push her panties aside and--

“Hod op!” Echo gasped, her eyes widening in alarm as Bellamy began to slip inside. She pressed one hand to his chest as she reached down between them, halting his entry into her.

“What? What is it?” Bellamy asked, panic rising in his chest at the girl’s unexpected reaction to the penetration. He sat up quickly, sliding backwards along Echo’s legs so he was no longer inside of her. As he moved, his own eyes widened at the black blood he saw smeared along the inside of her thighs. Looking down even further, he grimaced as he noticed the same substance was also now coating the end of his dick. “Echo--”

“I’m sorry-- I didn’t realize--” Echo interrupted, struggling to sit up herself. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she inspected the mess she’d made of herself and her lover, as well as her underpants. “I gotta go clean up.” She didn’t wait for a response, too embarrassed to stay in the tent a moment longer. Grabbing both her sleep shorts and the blanket that was still draped across Clarke’s sleeping, naked body, she pulled the latter around her waist and bolted outside.

“Wha- huh?” Clarke groaned, the sudden disappearance of her blanket finally waking her from her slumber. She curled up on her side, pulling her knees up to her chest and yawning deeply. Blinking her eyes open, she frowned at the peculiar expression on Bellamy’s face. “Hey, you alright?” she asked, yawning again and pushing herself up on her elbow. “Is that blood?”

Bellamy had begun trying to wipe himself down but nightblood was a lot harder to remove than normal blood would have been. It was thicker and tended to stain anything it came in contact with, especially clothing and skin. “Uh, yeah. Echo’s,” he explained, his cheeks heating up for some reason. It’s not like this was the first time Clarke had woken up to find he and Echo had gone a round without her. “You might wanna-” he jerked his head towards the opening of the tent.

Realization hit Clarke like a ton of bricks and she nodded her head, then quickly began pulling on her clothes from last night. “I got this. Can you check on Madi, make sure she’s alright?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll keep her busy, don’t worry.” Bellamy understood Clarke’s real concern was that the girl would accidentally stumble upon Echo and start freaking out that her big sister was bleeding from a very awkward place. Neither of them had had ‘the talk’ with her just yet, and now was definitely not the time for her to start asking questions.

“Thanks. Love you,” Clarke responded as she hurried to pull on her boots. Once she was fully dressed she made her way towards the opening of the tent, stopping just long enough to press a kiss to Bellamy’s lips as she passed.

“Love you too. Now go, be the hero our girl needs right now,” Bellamy teased after he returned the kiss. He was already in the process of re-lacing his pants.

Clarke rolled her eyes at the dramatics but did pick up her pace as she stepped out into the early morning sunlight. Thankfully their camp wasn’t very big, so there was only one place she could think of that Echo would go. Unfortunately it was also where Madi currently was, though hopefully the girl was still asleep.

Taking a quick detour to where they’d piled their luggage, she scrounged around until she found an almost full bottle of water, as well as the bag that contained Echo’s clothes. Unsure what she was about to walk in on, she steadied her expression as she neared the rover, eventually spotting Echo by the side farthest from the tent. She didn’t appear to be panicking, which was good. Panicking often led to dropping and it was much too soon for the Little to drop again safely.

“Hey,” Clarke whispered, slowing her pace until she was stopped just a few feet away. “You alright?”

Echo paused in her scrubbing of her thighs to shoot Clarke a ‘look’.

“Yeah, stupid question,” Clarke released an amused breath, but then quickly frowned when she saw exactly what Echo was doing. “Is that dry? Jesus, you’re gonna rub yourself raw if you use that.” Clarke dropped the bag of clothes and began to unscrew the cap on the bottle of water she’d also been holding. “Give me that. Echo, _stop.”_ Clarke reached out and gripped Echo’s arm in order to still her actions.

Echo thought about resisting, but in the end she knew that Clarke was right. Using her shorts to clean herself without wetting them first was never going to work. She’d just…. needed to get if off. “It’s been five years. You’d think I’d be used to it by now,” she sighed, handing her soiled shorts to Clarke so she could soak them for her.

“Hey, _none_ of us are used to it. Raven _vomited_ in the middle of delivering Jordan.”

Echo shook her head, smirking to herself at the memory of the baby’s birth. “To be fair, she’d just stuck her hand inside Harper’s cooch when that happened.”

“Wait a second, her _cooch?_  Where in the world did you learn that word?” Clarke asked, even though she already knew who the likely culprit was. Murphy was a horrible influence on both of her girls, but they loved him and so she bit her tongue more than she probably should.

Echo only laughed in response, causing Clarke to shake her head.

Refocusing her attention, Clarke began soaking the fabric in her hands and then gestured to Echo’s thighs. “May I?”

Echo hesitated, not sure how comfortable she was with Clarke doing that for her. Mutual showers were one thing, but this felt intimate on a whole different level. “Only if you promise not to throw up,” she settled on responding, moving her hands away from where they’d subconsciously been trying to cover her stained underpants.

Clarke grinned as she got down on her knees in front of the girl. “Don’t worry, I’m not planning on sticking my hand inside your cooch,” she reassured, laughing at the eye roll she received in response.

It took a few minutes of careful, tender scrubbing, but eventually Clarke managed to clean the nightblood from her lover’s skin. Dropping the now ruined garment onto the ground, she reached for the bag and began to fish out a new pair of shorts and a clean pair of panties. “I might have some padding in my bag, if you give me a second I can go take a look.”

Echo took the clothes from Clarke but didn’t put them on just yet. She had some extra shirts in her bag she knew she could tear into pieces and fold up, but she kind of didn’t want to ruin any more of her clothes. She’d packed some of her favorite little outfits for the trip and she knew her littleself would be absolutely gutted if she shredded any of those things.

Instead she waited for Clarke to return with the promised premade padding and then carefully began to redress. Now that she was clean and fully covered she felt herself finally relax, her muscles releasing the tension she’d been holding ever since Bellamy had unsuccessfully tried fucking her earlier. Echo scrunched her face up in distress at the memory of his expression when he’d noticed the blood.

“On a scale of one to ten, how grossed out do you think Bellamy is right now?” she asked, turning and stepping closer to the rover so she could lean against the vehicle. The sun was getting stronger and the heat was once again threatening to overwhelm her. In that moment Echo wasn’t sure which was worse: dying of embarrassment, or dying from the heat.

Clarke didn’t want to lie to Echo, but she also didn’t want to make her feel worse about what had happened. It wasn’t like having her period was anything to be ashamed of. “Probably not as grossed out as if he’d been trying to--” she trailed off, lifting her hand in front of her face and wiggling her her tongue in between her pointer and middle finger.

The naughty gesture from the day before had its desired effect of wiping the distress off Echo’s face, replacing it instead with a horrified amusement.

“Wow, I so didn’t need _that_ visual,” Echo groaned, shaking her head to try and rid the image from her mind. “Also, I’m totally repeating that hand thing in front of Monty the next time I see him.”

Clarke’s eyes widened in alarm. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wouldn't dare do what? Are you guys playing a game without me?” Madi’s voice suddenly interrupted, causing both Clarke and Echo to spin around so they were now staring at the dejected child. “Is this why you were distracting me Bell? So mom and Echo could play by themselves?”

Bellamy coughed into his hand at the unexpected double entendre and then shot Clarke an apologetic look. He’d been trying to get Madi to help him pack up the tent, but she’d somehow managed to ditch him and wander off in search of the girls. By the time he’d caught up with her she’d already found them. He was thankful at least that Echo was already cleaned up and fully dressed.

“You alright?” he asked his heartmate, softening his voice in that way he did when he was talking to little Echo. He left answering Madi’s question to Clarke, knowing she’d be able to come up with a much more tactful response than he would.

Echo nodded slowly, her hands fidgeting in front of her as she stared everywhere _but_ at Bellamy’s face. He didn’t appear to be grossed out, which was good, but in that moment she was more concerned that his Big voice would accidentally cause her to drop.

Even though it was easier processing her emotions when she was Little, Echo really didn’t want to deal with the unfortunate side effect that always resulted from two drops this close together. She was already beginning to cramp, she didn’t need a migraine on top of that.

“Hey Madi, why don’t you help Echo get some breakfast ready while Bellamy and I finish packing up the rover?” Clarke asked her child in lieu of explaining anything at all to her.

Madi narrowed her eyes at Clarke, but one look at her sister’s anxious face told her all she needed to know. Something “adult” had happened that she wasn’t supposed to know about and now they were trying to distract her again by giving her another task to do. Which ordinarily would have caused her to dig her heels in more, except Echo really did look uncomfortable and Madi hated seeing the girl so ill at ease.

“Okay fine,” she sighed, stepping past both Clarke and Bellamy to grasp Echo’s hand. Before she could start to lead her towards the firepit she caught sight of a discarded pair of shorts on the ground and kicked them with her shoe.

“No, Madi--” Echo realized what the girl was doing half a moment too late.

“Is that blood?!”

Clarke groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose as she watched the child jump back from the garment as if she’d been burned.

“Is someone bleeding? Echo-- those are your shorts, are you hurt? Is that what you don’t want me to know? Is it the heat? Are you dying?!” Madi was starting to panic as the three adults exchanged glances with each other.

Echo let go of Madi’s hand and instead wrapped her arm around the girl’s shoulder, pulling her into what she hoped was a reassuring side hug. “I’m fine, promise,” she told the girl.

She glanced over at Clarke for some input or direction, but the Big was still partially covering her face with her hand and so she couldn’t make eye contact with her. Sighing, Echo resolved herself to take this one for the team. It was her fault the girl needed “the talk” anyway.

“Come on, little one, there’s something I need to discuss with you.” Despite the fact she’d never been given this type of talk herself when she was Madi’s age, Echo was confident she knew enough about biology to sufficiently answer any questions the ten year old could come up with.

“Thank you,” Clarke whispered at Echo, finally uncovering her face as the two girls walked past.

“My sister, my responsibility,” Echo explained, the corner of her mouth curling slightly as she glanced past Clarke and made eye contact with Bellamy for the first time since leaving the tent. The sudden look of pride on his face made her stomach flip flop around in excitement and she once again had to fight back the temptation to drop for him.

“Come on _strisis,_ you cook, I’ll talk.” Echo tugged on Madi’s hand and together the two headed across camp towards the firepit.


	4. Chapter 4

The sky had begun to cloud up just as the sun was reaching its highest point in the sky, lowering the temperature outside as well as inside the rover. They were less than an hour away from Polis when the first drops of rain began to fall, splashing down the vehicle’s windshield and turning the dirt caked across it into mud.

“Clarke, how’s Echo doing? We’re almost there, but this might be our only chance to cool her down before we get back home,” Bellamy asked, glancing into the rearview mirror.

In the back of the rover Clarke placed her hand on the back of Echo’s neck and began to work her fingers through the short baby hairs at the base of her skull. After breakfast she’d done the girl’s hair up in a pair of french braids, a style usually worn by little Echo since it kept her thick and naturally wavy hair out of her face and off of her neck.

“She’s a little warm, but I’m not sure it’s worth waking her,” Clarke informed, smiling to herself as Echo’s nose and lips began to twitch in her sleep. “I could, however, use a pee break.” They’d been driving for nearly five hours straight and the floor of the vehicle offered no shock absorbency from the bumpy ride.

“In the rain?” Bellamy asked, though dutifully began to slow the rover down.

Clarke rolled her eyes as she pulled away from Echo and began to pull her boots back on. “I can handle a little rain, Bell. Actually, while I’m out there I’ll open up the reserve tank so we can funnel some of it in.” It meant staying parked for a few extra minutes, but the chance to replenish their water supply was definitely worth the delay in their journey.

“Can I go with her?” Madi asked from the passenger seat.

“Do you have to pee?” Bellamy asked back, eyebrow raised.

Madi sighed and shook her head. “No,” she confessed, slumping lower in her seat in disappointment.

Bellamy laughed as he reached out and placed a hand on the sullen girl’s shoulder. “Trust me Madi, playing in the rain is fun when we’re at home and you can quickly change afterwards. If you get wet now you’re just gonna be soggy and miserable until we get to Polis and can make camp again.”

“So it’s okay for _Clarke_ to be soggy and miserable?” Madi asked, not really sure why she was continuing to argue about this. Sometimes she felt this overwhelming urge to fight against whatever the adults were telling her to do. Echo said it was a normal part of development and even encouraged her to embrace her rebellious side from time to time.

“Clarke’s an adult,” Bellamy answered, despite knowing that specific response tended to frustrate the girl. “And she’s right about the water tanks. We should fill up while we can incase something happens.” He didn’t elaborate on what that something could be, but Madi was old enough to understand the potential dangers of traveling so far away from Eden.

Once the vehicle had been placed in park, Clarke quickly exited through the back doors, closing them up again so no rain would get in and wet their supplies. It was mostly just drizzling now but she knew from experience that the heavens could open up at any minute and start to downpour.

“First thing’s first….” Clarke mumbled to herself as she climbed up the back of the rover so she could reach their tank of reserve water. It wasn’t drinkable water, not until it could be boiled and placed in cleaner containers, but was more for cleaning things and keeping cool. Or for bathing. The extreme heat meant the four of them were growing rather ripe. Once they reached Polis they would set up a tub and each of them could take turns soaping and sponging off.

The rain started to pick up a little more, causing Clarke to jump down and hurry up and do her business out of view of the rover’s side mirrors. Once she was done she climbed back inside the vehicle and kicked her muddy boots off, her damp hair sticking unpleasantly to her face and neck. “We’re about a quarter low, so it shouldn’t take more than fifteen minutes to fill up at this rate.”

Bellamy had turned around in his seat so he could watch the still sleeping Little and he nodded his head in acknowledgment of Clarke’s assessment. “You sure we shouldn’t wake her? She might appreciate the chance for a shower.”

“We’ll soon have enough water for a bath, she’ll be fine waiting till Polis,” Clarke insisted, wiping the rain from her neck and face with a corner of the blanket she was sitting on. Glancing up at her lover she frowned at the unconvinced look on his face. “Bellamy, she’s gonna start cramping soon,we should let her sleep while she can.”

Madi cocked her head to the side at the newly familiar terminology. “You can’t sleep when you have cramps?” she asked, not recalling that piece of information from Echo’s talk with her that morning. “Why not?”

“Because they’re painful Madi, and pain makes it difficult to sleep. Did your sister not tell you about that?” Clarke asked, wondering now if perhaps Echo had skipped over some things.

Madi shrugged one of her shoulders. “Kinda, but she said cramps were like a really bad stomach ache,” she explained, biting her lower lip in thought. “She was lying, wasn’t she? So I wouldn’t get scared when it happened to me?” She disliked the idea that Echo could lie to her about something as important as this. It made her wonder what else the girl might have been lying about.

“No, honey, I don’t think she was lying to you. They _can_ be like a really bad stomach ache, but they can also be worse than that,” Clarke quickly explained, not wanting the girl to start doubting her sister. “Mine don’t bother me all that much, but everyone’s different. Echo’s cycle isn’t exactly normal so for her they can get pretty painful. I don’t want you to worry about it though, okay?”

Madi wanted to ask what Clarke meant by Echo’s cycle not being normal, but before she could a loud bang reverberated through the air, startling everyone in the vehicle. “What was that?!” she asked, gripping onto the back of her seat. Half a second later there was another loud bang, followed immediately by a third and a fourth.

“Bellamy what the hell is that?!” Clarke had begun crawling along the floor towards the front of the vehicle after the first noise, knowing that whatever the sound was it was coming from the direction of Polis. “It’s too loud and we’re too far north for a sand storm.”

Bellamy reached for his lover as she neared, fear gripping him as he realized what it might be. “Clarke, it sounded like an explosion. The bunker, do you think--” he trailed off, not sure he could stand to finish that sentence.

“Maybe they found a way to open the door?” Madi offered, scooting over in her seat as Clarke climbed in between her and Bellamy. She fought against the urge to lean into her mother, her nerves battling against her sense of pride. She was much too old to need a hug whenever she got scared.

“Madi, the death wave caused part of the tower to collapse on the door, if anything this was--” Bellamy paused again, swallowing thickly.

“The rest of the tower collapsing,” Clarke finished for him. She reached out and turned the rover back on, then pushed at Bellamy, indicating she wanted to drive. “We have to go _now._ Close up the water tank and stay in the back with Echo. We’ll wake her up when we get closer,” she instructed, shifting behind the wheel as soon as Bellamy opened the driver’s side door and got out.

Madi decided she’d rather sit in the back as well and carefully climbed over the seat, finding a spot next to Echo where she could lay down without disturbing her. She was scared, but being close to her sister helped.

Once Bellamy had secured their water and climbed back into the rover, Clarke wasted no time shifting into drive and stepping on the gas. Their friends could be in trouble; there was no time to waste.

*****

What should have been a half hour drive ended up taking only fifteen minutes, but Clarke knew something awful had happened long before they’d arrived in Polis. Once the rain had stopped and the clouds disappeared the smoke became visible. Heavy, thick, black smoke emanating from the city that served as their friends salvation as well as their tomb.

They weren’t quite at the five year anniversary of Praimfaya, which meant there was a chance that the radiation levels were still too high for anyone without nightblood to survive outside of the bunker. This meant that whatever had happened to cause the explosions, it hadn’t been done on purpose by those trapped beneath the ground. Not unless they were willing to risk everyone dying once they reached the surface.

Clarke didn’t want to think about what conditions could have existed inside the bunker that would make leaving early the least bad option. If that’s even what had happened.

As they neared the smokey ruins of the former tower it quickly became clear what the loud noises from earlier had been. “It collapsed in on itself,” Echo whispered, putting words to the horror they were driving up to. The ground had seemingly given way, forming a giant crater deep into the earth. The smoke still billowing up from the ruins made it impossible to determine just how large it was.

Bellamy felt his chest tighten in fear as he surveyed the damage. How could anyone have survived thousands of pounds of rock and cement falling onto them? This was his worst fear come to life. His sister, everyone they cared about-- they were all dead.

“Look!” Madi suddenly screamed, pointing over the back of the seats and in the opposite direction that the three adults were looking. Bellamy had since climbed back into the passenger seat, so that left her and Echo kneeling behind them. “I saw someone!”

Clarke hadn’t seen anything herself, but she trusted her daughter enough to slow to a stop. “Where Madi? In which direction?”

“Over there! Clarke! There’s someone out there!” Echo shouted this time. The winds had shifted, greatly reducing visibility due to the smoke, but she was certain she’d seen a figure in the distance. “I’m going on foot incase the ground isn’t finished collapsing.” She really hoped that wasn’t the case, but if it was then the weight of the rover was too much of a risk.

“Echo wait!” Bellamy cursed under his breath as he watched the girl kick open the back doors of the vehicle and then promptly disappear into the smoke. “I’m going after her.” He looked to Clarke, half expecting her to argue with him, but she simply nodded her head in understanding. She would be doing the same thing if it had been Madi that had run head first into danger.

Thankfully the ten year old didn’t seem at all interested in following her big sister, and instead climbed into the now empty passenger seat next to Clarke.

“Here, put this over your mouth. The way we do with the sandstorms.” Clarke reached into the glovebox and pulled out some precut strips of fabric, handing one to the girl before taking one for herself and then shoving a few extras into her pocket. She made sure her own was tied tightly around her mouth and nose before helping Madi with hers.

“Okay, Madi, listen to me. I’m going to go help Bellamy and Echo, but I need you to stay in the rover. If the ground starts to shake or there’s another explosion, you need to back it up as far as you can, okay?”

Madi started to protest immediately, reaching for Clarke as if she could physically keep her from leaving the vehicle. “No, you can’t! It’s too dangerous!” she insisted, tears beginning to drip down her cheeks.

“I’ll be okay sweetheart. I promise. If there’s someone out there they’ll need my help.” It broke Clarke’s heart to leave the now freely crying girl, but she had to know. She had to find out if any of their friends had survived the bunker’s collapse. “Stay in the rover,” she instructed one last time as she pulled the girl into a quick hug.

“I will, I promise,” Madi whimpered as she hugged back.

“Good girl. I’ll be back as quickly as I can.” Clarke reluctantly let go of the child and exited the vehicle, her lungs immediately filling with smoke despite the cloth over her face. “Bellamy! Echo!” she yelled, taking off in the direction her lovers had gone.

The smoke grew thicker the closer she got to the ruins, and Clarke was almost considering turning back when she spotted a figure slumped on the ground a couple dozen feet away. She took off at a run, ignoring the way the smoke burned her lungs and stung her eyes. What if it was Bellamy or Echo? They didn’t have any protection from the smoke!

As she neared the figure it quickly became apparent it wasn’t one of her partners, but someone much smaller and thinner. Someone who looked an awful lot like-- “Oh my god, mom!”


	5. Chapter 5

Niylah couldn’t breath. The smoke was much worse on the surface than it had been in the chamber, and within moments of being set down on the ground she was hunched over in a desperate attempt to escape the suffocating blackness.

“Nathan!” she cried out, reaching blindingly into the air despite knowing the man had already started back towards the bunker. Niylah’s heart was breaking apart inside her chest as seconds dragged on into minutes and still she was all alone. She couldn’t be the only one to survive. She _couldn’t._

“Mom!”

Oh thank the stars.

“Ethan!” Niylah shouted back, lifting her head from where she’d had it buried in her arms. She’d been laying on her belly and quickly pulled herself up onto her knees. The smoke threatened to overwhelm her again but she didn’t care. She needed her boy in her arms. She needed to know he was alright.

Like he’d done with her, Miller set the nine year old onto the ground and immediately vanished back into the abyss.

“Mom!” Ethan’s head was pounding and he could barely see or breathe. He was scared and wanted his moms to hold him and tell him it would be alright, even if it meant the other kids laughing at him for being a baby. Except… there were no other kids. He’d been the only one to make it to the chamber before it was locked down. All of his friends were dead. Almost all of Wonkru was dead.

“It’s okay baby, I’ve got you. Come on, we need to get further away from the smoke,” Niylah shouted over the continuous ringing in her ears. She knew they didn’t have much time to waste but still took a moment to hug her son to her, pressing dry, ashy kisses to the top of his head.

The only reason she’d stayed so close to the smokey ruins of their former home was so Miller would be able to find her again and hand the boy off to her. Now that she had him she knew she had to get them both away from the smoke. They would suffocate if they stayed there any longer.

The best course of action would be to stand up and run as far as they could while holding their breath, so Niylah relayed this information to Ethan and on the count of three the two climbed to their feet and ran a few dozen paces before the desperate need for oxygen brought them back down to the ground. It was a little less smokey now, though Niylah wanted to keep moving just in case the winds changed or there was another explosion and the ground collapsed further.

“Let’s go again,” she instructed her boy. She made a move to help him back up but he pulled away from her, shaking his head.

“No! Momma won’t be able to find us!” Ethan insisted. He tried wiping his face with both of his hands but cried out when his left wrist erupted in pain. He’d momentarily forgotten it was broken and now the pain was so bad he wanted to cry. He couldn’t cry though. He was a Wonkru novitiate, and Wonkru warriors didn’t cry.

Niylah pulled the boy back into her arms, being careful not to jostle his injured hand. She understood the struggle he was going through, but she knew in her heart that Octavia would want her to get their son to safety, even if it meant leaving her behind. That’s why her heartmate had insisted they be brought to the surface first.

“Your Momma’s smart. She’ll find us, I promise.” Niylah coughed against the back of the boy’s neck as the smoke began growing thicker all of a sudden. The winds were shifting; they had to keep moving! “Come on!” She helped the boy to his feet and together the two ran as far as they could before once more they dropped to the ground.

The air was noticeably less polluted now, and for the first time in what felt like hours Niylah was able to take in a full breath of air and not feel like she were choking. This was far enough for now. “Lay down,” she instructed Ethan, helping to guide him into her arms so they were both laying on their sides with his back against her chest. It’s how she used to cuddle him when he was smaller, and Niylah felt herself tearing up at the memories of a time when things weren’t falling apart around them, figuratively _and_ literally.

“I want Momma,” Ethan whimpered as he wiped his eyes with his good hand. It wasn’t that he loved Octavia more than Niylah, but he was scared for his warrior mom. What if one of the traitors had survived and finished the job? What if they’d killed his Momma while he was running away?

“Ste yuj, strigona. She’ll be here soon. Everything’s going to be okay,” Niylah reassured, subtly wiping her tears against the back of Ethan’s head. All she had to do was keep him calm a little while longer and everything would be alright. Octavia had promised years ago that she’d never leave them, and Niylah wasn’t going to start doubting her lover now.

*****

Back at the crater’s edge, Octavia gripped tightly to Miller’s neck as the man carried her on his back over the jagged rocks and debris and up onto the surface. Despite finally being on solid ground her head continued to spin, causing her to stumble to her hands and knees the moment her feet touched the scorched Earth.

“Woah, Octavia, slow down. Let me help you,” Miller shouted over the discordant roaring in his ears. He’d been closest to the interior wall when the explosions had gone off and what had started out as a faint ringing had slowly turned into a constant cacophonous assault on his eardrums. It was like being deaf, but with noise, not silence.

Ignoring her battle honed instincts, Octavia didn’t fight the hands that were now reaching out to steady her. She knew Miller’s touch almost as well as she knew Niylah’s. He was her caregiver, and her best friend. He would never hurt her, especially when she was vulnerable. “Niylah, Ethan, where--”

“I’ll take you to them, just hold onto me a little bit longer,” Miller interrupted, knowing he wouldn’t be able to understand whatever else the girl was trying to say. Their loved one’s names he could read on her lips, however. He wrapped one of his arms around her waist and used the other to hold her arm around his neck, then together they took off in the opposite direction of the bunker and directly into the cloud of billowing, dark, black smoke.

Within seconds Octavia could no longer see where they were going and she clung to Miller’s side like a lifeline. How the man knew which way to go she couldn’t fathom, but she trusted him with her life. She’d trusted him with her son and her lover’s lives. He would get them all to safety, she knew this in the depths of her soul. Nathan Miller may not have been her heartmate, but he was as close to her as a non-spiritually connected Big could be to a Little. He was her _family,_ and he would come through for her, just like he’d done countless times before.

With the lack of visibility also came a lack of oxygen, and eventually they needed to stop and flatten themselves to the ground in order breathe. Except even with their faces now pressed to the dirt, the smoke still continued to find its way into their lungs.

“We have to move!” Miller shouted through his choking gasps, his lips pressed right up against Octavia’s ear incase she was suffering from the same hearing loss as he was. He felt her head jerk against his cheek, an action he prayed was a nod of consent. As strong as he was, he didn’t think he could lift her again without her help.

Understanding the plan, Octavia waited until she felt Miller begin to move and then she pushed up with her arms, managing to rise onto her knees for half a moment before her strength gave out and she collapsed back onto her stomach. Her head was spinning even faster now and her vision was starting to fade, but not from the smoke. She was dying. She was going to die.

Except… Except she _couldn’t._ She’d sworn to Ethan she would never leave him and she wasn’t going to break that promise now. Octavia may have been a lot of things to a lot of people, but she wasn’t a liar. Not to her son.

Reaching out with her arms, she began to drag herself forward, only to stop when she realized Miller wasn’t moving along with her. In fact, he wasn’t moving at _all._ “Noo..” she gasped, turning onto her side and squinting through the darkness at her motionless friend. _No._ She wouldn’t-- she _couldn’t_ leave him behind to die.

Ethan wasn’t the only person she’d made a promise to.

“Move,” she coughed, burying her face in her arm as she focused all of her energy on kicking out with her foot. She could feel through her boot that she was making contact with some part of him, but without her eyesight she had no clue if she was kicking him in the shoulder or if she was kicking him in the face. Either way, her efforts failed to get him to move and she stopped before she lost all of her remaining energy.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she started to cry as she rolled onto her stomach and reached forward once again. Her heart was splitting open inside of her chest at the thought of leaving him, but she couldn’t die. She’d promised. She’d _promised._ She’d--

Octavia was on the verge of blacking out when she felt herself being turned over and suddenly dragged forward, a pair of unseen hands now gripping tightly to her own. “Miller,” she panted, using her last bit of strength to tug one of her hands free.

“Octavia, stop fighting. Bellamy will get him.”

Octavia couldn’t have fought even if she wanted to now, the last of her energy having finally been depleted. Instead she remained motionless and limp as the unknown figure dragged her further and further along the ground, away from the collapsed bunker. Once the air grew less smokey, she felt her head beginning to clear and she started to tug at the hands once again.

Who was her mysterious savior? And why had they mentioned her brother’s name? Her brother was in space. Or maybe he was dead? Either way, he wasn’t here in Polis. Why would he be here in Polis?

“You’re just as stubborn as I remember. Only this time I’m trying to _save_ your life, not take it.” Echo lamented, letting go of the hand Octavia was trying to pull free so she could double up her grip on the girl’s remaining limb.

“Echo?” Octavia gasped in sudden realization, blindly waving around her unsecured arm now in a desperate attempt to secure herself a weapon. How the hell was the traitor still alive?! And why was she here in Polis? Could she have been the one to orchestrate the mutiny against her? Could she be the reason almost all of Wonkru was dead? “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!” she shouted, flopping her legs against the dirt to try and halt their movement.

Echo rolled her eyes at the feeble display and kept dragging the girl, figuring she had to be getting close to the rover by now. She was growing concerned, however, that she hadn’t seen Clarke or Bellamy yet. Surely they would have followed after her, right?

“Let me go! Let me go!” Octavia screamed, switching tactics once it was apparent Echo wasn’t threatened by her. “Ai nomfa! I need to find my son!” As predicted, that got her captor to pause just long enough that she was able to roll from her back onto her stomach. Every muscle in her body felt like it was on fire as she struggled first onto her knees and then onto her feet.

With this new leverage Octavia was able to pull her arm free from Echo’s grasp. Unfortunately the adrenaline surging through her body was no match for the damage the smoke had already done to her lungs and before she could take a single step Octavia found herself gasping for breath, her hands clutching her chest as she began to collapse once again towards the ground.

Before she could make contact with the dirt a new set of hands found their way around her, gently lifting her off her feet and into a pair of arms she instantly recognized. There was only one person in her life that had ever carried her like that - safe against their chest with her head tucked under their chin. Except… except it couldn’t be. Her brother was dead. Or in space. It _couldn’t_ be him, could it?

“Bellamy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trig translations: 
> 
> Ste yuj, strigona = Stay strong, little warrior.  
> Ai nomfa! = My son!


	6. Chapter 6

Octavia didn’t remember passing out. One minute she was staring up at her brother’s strangely bearded and decidedly aged face, and the next she was laying on the ground in her lover’s arms with her son curled up in her lap. She knew all of this without even opening her eyes, having long ago memorized the feeling of the two most important people in the world to her. It’s the same way she’d known who had carried her earlier, though her brother had long since fallen from the top of her “most cherished” list.

That’s not to say she didn’t still love her brother. There was a part of her that would always love him. That would die for him, or more likely kill. But five years was a long time, and she was no longer that little girl who needed him to keep her safe. To keep her sane, and loved. She _was_ loved. She had a family now. She had a son and a heartmate. She had Jackson, and Miller, and even Cooper when she was dropped. She had Indra, kind of. And Gaia. And Wonkru.

Except… except Wonkru was gone, and it was all her fault.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, blinking her eyes open only to squeeze them back shut again. With the smoke having finally dissipated the sunlight was blinding to her overly sensitive eyes. At least on the Ark the artificial lighting had been strong enough to mimic the brightness of the sun, but in the bunker everything had always seemed so dark and dim. She’d gotten used to it of course; they all had. They’d gotten used to a lot of unpleasant things.

“What is she sorry about now?” A painfully gruff, though instantly recognizable voice off to her left spoke up. There was a tired playfulness to his words, and Octavia could have cried then and there if she wasn’t so dehydrated. It was Miller. He was alive.

“Probably the sun being too hot, or the ground being too hard. Everything is Blodreina’s fault in the end. Isn’t that right ai niron?”

Octavia groaned and turned her head so she could press her face into Niylah’s chest. This was a thing they sometimes did to try and get her to stop apologizing for everything, but she wasn’t in the mood right now. “Nine hundred and seven people just died and you guys are making jokes?”

Miller winced internally at the realization that Octavia was right. This really wasn’t the time for games. Shifting closer to his friends, he reached out and placing a comforting hand on Octavia’s shoulder. “Then why are you apologizing? Do you want us to yell at you? Tell you that all of this is your fault, even though it’s not? What’s done is done, Octavia. Apologizing won’t change what happened. It won’t bring any of them back,” he explained.

Despite her protests, tears began to pool in Octavia’s eyes at the man’s words and his attempt at comfort. He was wrong though on what she was trying to apologize for. “That’s not it. You were _dying,_ Nate, and I left you behind,” she whimpered as her head began to spin. It was one of the telltale signs that she desperately needed to drop.

Niylah could sense the subtle change in her Little and tightened her arms around the girl’s midsection. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself though since the chances of her heartmate actually letting go and dropping were essentially zero. Octavia would never risk it with others around. Not when Ethan could get hurt if someone tried to take advantage of her vulnerable state.

“Nathan’s fine Octavia. We’re all fine thanks to Clarke, Echo, and your brother,” Niylah reassured gently. “We’re actually on the other side of the city now, far away from the bunker. Jackson is currently with them. They’ve got supplies and water and a tent they’re going to set up for us. We’ll be okay in Polis for a little while, but ultimately they want to move us to this green valley a few hundred miles from here. The rest of the planet is dead, but this valley somehow survived Praimfaya. It’s where they’ve been living all of this time,” she explained, glancing over Octavia’s shoulder to where their son still lay sleeping in the girl’s lap. There was something else she needed to tell her lover, or more specifically ask her permission for, but she had to work up the courage to do it first.

Ethan’s arm was in bad shape. Jackson had managed to fashion a temporary splint to help keep his hand immobilized, but the area immediately surrounding the break had since started to swell, and Niylah could tell from the look on her friend’s face that he was concerned by this new development. The boy’s arm had been trapped under some rocks after the first explosion, and though they had managed to free him within seconds, the damage was apparently already done.

“And how are we supposed to get to this valley? If they’re setting up a tent they obviously don’t plan for us to walk there,” Octavia asked, skepticism beginning to leak into her voice. She trusted her brother, but Clarke had been willing to let most of them die after the conclave. Five years was a long time, but a betrayal like that cut _deep._

“No, we’re not going to walk. They have a vehicle, but are planning to take Gaia and a few others first while we wait here. Clarke says they have advanced medical supplies in the valley and Gaia’s going to need surgery if she’s going to keep her leg. Indra and Abby are going with her, but Clarke and your brother are staying to help us manage the rest of Wonkru.”

“The rest of Wonkru? Wonkru is _dead,”_ Octavia interrupted hotly, pulling her face away from Niylah’s chest so she could stare angrily across at her. “There isn’t any more Wonkru. I _killed_ it. I killed my people.”

Niylah sighed and took Octavia’s face in her hands. She had to nip this in the bud before the girl spiraled out of control and potentially did something she really would have a reason to regret. “No, the _enemies_ of Wonkru are to blame. _They_ killed our people Octavia, not you.”

“But--”

“No. Listen to what I’m saying, ai niron. _You_ didn’t do this. You didn’t set the fires. You didn’t destroy the hydrofarm.” Niylah gripped the girl’s face tighter to try and keep her focused on what she was saying. Octavia had developed a terrible habit of talking over others, as well as not actually listening to what the other person was saying. It’s like she got stuck in a pre-recorded conversational loop inside of her head, where it didn’t matter what the other person was _actually_ saying, but only what Octavia was expecting them to say.

“Not directly, but I--”

“O, it’s been two years, you have to let it go,” Miller interrupted this time. He knew where her train of thought was going and he wanted to derail it before she worked herself into a panic. As far as he was aware, Ethan had never seen his mom panic drop before, and today was definitely not the day for that type of first.

“Let it go? Miller, I took away their choice! I held a gun to their head and made them eat their _friends!_ They may have destroyed the bunker, but I destroyed their _soul!”_ Octavia screamed at her friend as panic began to bubble up inside of her chest, causing her to start hyperventilating. Dropping outside of the safety and seclusion of her bedroom was one thing, but panic dropping was a whole different animal. She had to fight it. She couldn’t give in to the urge.

Unfortunately Octavia’s screams had woken the boy in her lap, and on instinct Miller reached across and pulled the child into his own arms. It wasn’t that he was worried for Ethan’s safety, but if Octavia did end up panic dropping, it would be less traumatic for her littleself to wake up without someone sitting on top of her. “Niylah, should I take him away?” he asked his fellow Big.

Niylah quickly shook her head. She was hoping Ethan’s continued presence would help her steer Octavia into a normal drop and away from a panic one. “Shhh, it’s okay my love. Please don’t fight it. You’ll feel so much better if you give in willingly than if you resist.” Niylah pressed a kiss to Octavia’s forehead, and then another one to her cheek. She then turned the girl’s head a bit further so she could whisper the rest of her plea directly into her ear, “You’ll scare him.”

Octavia jerked her head back at the warning but then slowly resettled her focus on her lover’s face. Niylah was right; she had to do this voluntarily or she’d traumatize their son. “Okay,” she sniffled, wiping at her tears as she nodded her head in agreement. “Okay, just please, don’t let them see.”

Niylah felt her heart breaking in her chest at the Little’s own desperate plea. Octavia was absolutely terrified of dropping around anyone other than herself, Miller, Jackson, or their son.

It hadn’t always been like that, though. In the beginning Octavia had actually gone out of her way to make sure she was around others when she dropped. She’d explained her reasoning as wanting everyone to see she was no different than they were. She wasn’t a commander. She wasn’t filled with ancient grounder knowledge that somehow made her better than they were. She was human, just like them. She was vulnerable, just like them.

The Dark Year had changed all of that. She could no longer allow others to see her as anything less than a god. Not if she’d wanted them to survive. Octavia may have been right about destroying their enemy’s souls, but she’d also needed to sacrifice her own soul in order to do it.

“Miller and I promise we won’t let anyone see. You’re safe, ai niron. You can let go now,” Niylah reassured, wrapping her arms lightly around Octavia’s middle and pulling her to lean against her chest.

Octavia let out a breath of air through her nose and closed her eyes. She hated doing this. The act of dropping had never been enjoyable for her, but nowadays the anxiety she felt during the beginning barely made up for the pleasure she got in the end. Dropping was meant to _relieve_ stress, not increase it.

“Ai hod yu in,” Niylah whispered against Octavia’s cheek as she felt the girl beginning to let go.

“Ai hod yu in seintaim,” Octavia whispered back. Throwing all of her focus now into the change, she mentally began to walk towards that dizzyingly bright orange light that appeared in her mind when she needed to drop. Recently she’d taken to running from it, but in the end it always caught up to her and dragged her kicking and screaming into the abyss. At least if she went voluntarily her adult consciousness wouldn’t be trapped in a perpetual state of fear the entire time she was dropped.

Niylah waited until she knew the girl had fully succumbed before relaxing herself. “Nomi’s got you, my love. It’s just you, me, uncle Nate, and Ethan. The bunker is gone and we’re on the surface, but we’re safe, I promise.”

Little Octavia’s eyes hurt from the unexpected brightness and she pressed her hands over her face to try and block the pain out. She was confused and tired and her chest hurt like she’d been crying for hours non stop.

“Uncle Nate, why did Momma drop?” Ethan asked quietly as he watched his Momma’s babyself shifting around in his Mom’s lap. “Was she scared because we’re not safe? Is it the smoke? Is it coming back?”

Miller rubbed a hand up and down the boy’s spine, shushing him gently while he shared a silent conversation with Niylah over the top of his head. Unfortunately Octavia dropping meant she could no longer give consent to their plan to send Ethan with the first group to the valley. They’d stupidly missed their window of opportunity and now the decision was solely up to them to make.

“No, it’s not the smoke. And we _are_ safe here. Your Momma was upset because your uncle brought up something he knows she doesn’t like to talk about,” Niylah explained when it was clear Miller didn’t know what to say. She’d have felt bad for throwing him under the bus except that he _was_ technically responsible for Octavia’s drop.

Mentioning the Dark Year had been a serious infraction inside of the bunker, and depending on the context of the comment it might have even gotten one thrown into the fighting pits. Not that Blodreina would have ever punished one of her inner circle like that, just anyone else that dared to mention what they had done to survive. Octavia never became angry or volatile when it was her family members that mentioned the cannibalism, she just tended to shut down completely inside of her head.

Ethan frowned at his Mom’s explanation. He had a feeling he knew what it was his uncle had said.

“Hey, it’ll be alright. Your Momma will be fine,” Miller reassured, sensing the boy’s unease. “But listen, buddy, Niylah and I were thinking it would be best if you go with Abby and Indra to the valley Clarke talked about earlier. They can only take five or six of us now, but once they get there they are gonna send their friends with more vehicles to come get the rest of us,” he explained, casting a sideways glance at the dropped Little incase she were listening and potentially objected. Not that her opinion really counted at this point, he just wanted to be prepared if she were going to respond with a temper tantrum.

“Is Momma going too? She’s not safe here. What if some of her enemies survived?”

“Ethan, love, no one survived that wasn’t in the chamber with us. She’ll be safe here, I promise,” Niylah answered, reaching around the toddler in her arms so she could brush some of the boy’s hair out of his face. It was growing so fast he would need it cut soon. Everything about him was growing so very fast.

“Then if it’s safe, why do I have to go?” Ethan could already tell this wasn’t something he had a choice over, but he still wanted to understand their reasoning. “Is it my hand? Uncle Jackson said this glove thing would help.” He held up his splinted left hand, his eyes growing wide as he noticed how much puffier the rest of his arm now looked.

“That’s part of it, yes. Abby can fix your hand up with the medical equipment there, but the other part is that we need you to look after Gaia for us. Your cousin was hurt pretty badly in the explosion and your Aunt Indra is really upset because of it. I know Bellamy said the valley was safe, but we’d still feel better knowing you were there watching over them just incase,” Miller explained this time.

Ethan mulled over his uncle’s words for a few moments, trying to decide if he was being honest or not. “Alright, but only if Kara can go with me. She was bleeding really badly from a cut on her head. If Dr. Abby can fix my hand, she can fix Kara’s head.”

Miller couldn’t help but laugh at the boy’s last statement. “The cut, maybe, but your cousin has a lot more wrong with her head than what a couple of stitches can take care of.”

“Nathan, don’t be mean,” Niylah chided as she slowly shifted the Little in her lap, turning Octavia so she was sitting sideways across her thighs and could better lean against her chest. “Besides, you and I both know if there’s anything we actually _should_ be blaming on you know who, it’s what happened to Cooper.”

Ethan frowned at the two adults. “Why do you always talk about Kara like she’s broken?” he asked. He was actively avoiding making eye contact with his Momma now, still a bit uncomfortable when she became a baby so suddenly. He hated that he felt that way around her sometimes, especially since it never bothered him when Kara or Eric dropped without warning.

“Because she _is_ broken. You’re a kid, Ethan. When you’re older you’ll be able to understand in what way we mean,” Miller answered, hoping the boy would drop it at that. He couldn’t help but smile though when little Octavia reached out and began patting him on the shoulder. He decided to “retaliate” by poking her in the tummy, causing her to giggle and pull her hand back into her lap.

Ethan watched the exchange quietly, not wanting to interrupt or spook his Momma. He was still a little bit uncomfortable that she’d dropped so quickly, especially since she wasn’t dressed in her baby clothes. Not to mention they were outside in the open where anyone could see her, which is something he knew his Momma tried to avoid at all costs.

“I already know in what way Kara is _different,_ I just don’t think it means she’s _broken,”_ Ethan eventually countered, crossing his arms as best he could with the giant glove on his hand. He may have only been nine, but he was certain he knew a lot about Bigs and Littles. Even though his moms didn’t really talk to him about it, his uncle Jackson and his aunt Indra did.

Miller sighed, bringing his hand up now to rub at his temple. His hearing had improved in the hours since the bunker’s collapse, but his head was still throbbing. How was he going to explain something like this to a child who was already growing up in such an atypical situation?

“Ethan, Cooper’s littleself thinks Octavia is her Momma, even though it’s not actually possible since both of them are Littles. I know you haven’t learned this in class yet, but Little biology - the way their minds work - it doesn’t allow for that kind of bond to be made with each other. Not unless there’s something seriously wrong inside of their head.”

There, that wasn’t so hard. Though in truth Miller knew _exactly_ what was wrong with Cooper, and as much as it still pained him to think about the incident, he couldn’t help but agree with Niylah in that it truly was Octavia’s fault. Of course, that was a story he _never_ wanted Ethan to hear, so hopefully what he’d told him already would be enough to satisfy his curiosity.

“So? What if _I_ grow up to be a Little? Does that mean Momma can no longer be my Momma?” Ethan already understood that the two situations weren’t the same, but he was growing angry now and wanted to keep pushing until his uncle backed off. He loved his cousin and wanted to protect her, even if it was from his own family.

Miller sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, realizing now he could never win this argument with the boy. “Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. She’s not broken. And yes, as long as there’s room, she can go with you to the valley.” It was actually a good thing he’d conceded the debate now since Bellamy had just come around the corner and was now walking towards their little hideaway amongst the tower’s rubble.

“Is he ready to go? The rover’s leaving in a few minutes,” Bellamy told the group that had, for whatever reason, chosen to settle down and rest a good distance away from the others. Not that there were very many others. Including the four sitting in front of him, only thirteen people had survived the bunker’s collapse. The fate of humanity now rested on the backs of twenty three people.

“He’s ready. Cooper’s going to go with him if there’s still room. She has a pretty serious head wound, but we also trust her with him,” Niylah answered, already feeling her heart clenching inside of her chest at the thought of sending her baby boy away. At least Ethan was remaining calm about the entire ordeal. She didn’t think she’d be able to go through with it if he cried or begged to stay.

Bellamy nodded in understanding. “There’s room, but are you sure you don’t want to go with him as well, O?” he asked, his hands twitching at his sides as he fought against the urge to reach for the clearly dropped girl. He’d barely had a chance to interact with her before she’d passed out in his arms earlier and he was aching to properly reconnect with her. But despite this selfish desire, he would still prefer she went with the first group back to Eden.

“She’s better off with us when she’s like this,” Miller explained as he began helping Ethan to his feet. The boy quickly shifted to hide behind him, causing him to grimace in sudden realization. This wasn’t going to be as simple as handing him off to Bellamy. The man was essentially a stranger to Ethan, it made sense he’d be reluctant to go with him. “Hey now, it’s alright. I’ll walk with you and see you off. And don’t forget, your cousin’s going to be with you the whole time.”

Niylah had been keeping her eyes trained on Bellamy incase he made a move towards Octavia, but now that the time had come and her boy really was leaving she switched her focus onto him. “Come give us a hug,” she instructed, reaching out with one arm towards her son. She kept the other one tightly wrapped around Octavia’s middle. It wasn’t too late for the girl to realize what was going on and decide she wanted to make a fuss about it.

Ethan stepped out from behind his Uncle and carefully got down onto his knees so he could better hug his moms. “I love you Mom, Momma,” he told them, his voice starting to break as the tears began to flow. He’d wanted to be strong, like a Wonkru warrior, but he was also nine and didn’t want to be separated from his parents. He’d lost so many caregivers in his young life, he wouldn’t be able to survive if he also lost his moms.

“We love you too, little warrior. Stay strong, and may we meet again,” Niylah whispered as she hugged and kissed the boy. She’d never really understood the traditional Skaikru saying, but it felt right to say it now.

“May we meet again,” Ethan whispered back between sniffles. As he pulled away from the hug a hand reached up and began to wipe at the tears on his cheeks. It was his Momma, and she gave him a quick nod and a brief smile before turning her head away and pressing it against Niylah’s chest. He wasn’t the only one who was desperately trying not to cry.

Miller waited a few seconds until the moment passed before once again helping Ethan to his feet. “Come on. The sooner you guys get to the valley, the sooner the rest of us can come and join you.” He took Ethan’s hand and together the two followed Bellamy back across the city and towards the waiting rover.


	7. Chapter 7

Echo didn’t remember falling asleep. Her head was throbbing in that way it often did when she overextended herself, which probably meant she hadn’t fallen asleep but had actually passed out.  _ Fuck. _ What the hell had happened? The last thing she remembered was leaving Polis with a group of injured people from the bunker. She remembered driving the rover, but not anything that had happened between then and waking up now. 

It was clear she wasn’t  _ still _ in the rover since nothing was shaking or moving beneath her, and whatever she was laying on felt much more comfortable than the vehicle’s floor. It felt like an  _ actual _ bed. Which made no sense since that would mean she was already back in Eden, and if she’d passed out on the drive, how the hell did she make it back home? 

“How?” she mumbled, testing her voice and internally cringing at the hoarseness she could hear and feel. 

The next step would be to open her eyes and actually  _ see _ where she was, but the ever increasing pounding in her head made the prospect even less appealing than staying lost and confused. If she opened her eyes and couldn’t properly focus them she would end up making herself dizzy, and if she got dizzy she would probably throw up or pass out again. 

“Did you say something? Are you awake?” 

It was Harper. Echo would know that understanding, overly compassionate voice anywhere. 

“How?” Echo asked again, turning her head in the direction of her friend. There was a brief shuffling of feet and then a hand gently brushed against her forehead. Echo was too weak to drop right now, but that didn’t stop her heart from squeezing inside her chest at the tenderness of the woman’s touch.

Harper smiled in bemusement at the way her friend’s body both relaxed and tensed at the same time. “Shhh, it’s alright. You’re in the nursery right now. You’ve been out for a few hours,” she explained, making sure to keep her voice soft so as not to exacerbate the headache she presumed Echo was experiencing. Why else would she still have her eyes closed? “Want a blindfold?” 

Echo made a noise that she hoped answered the Big’s question. She’d have nodded her head but that would have defeated the purpose of not making herself dizzy. 

“Okay, hang on a moment and I’ll find you one.” Harper took a step back from the bed and glanced around the room. In the corner was one of Raven’s comfort blankets and she quickly made her way towards it and scooped it up. After shaking out any dirt or crumbs she folded it a few times and then gently draped it over the upper half of Echo’s face. “That better?”

Echo cracked her eyelids open, wanting to make sure there wasn’t too much light still visible through the fabric of whatever had been placed on her head. “Yeah, thank you.”

Harper began to drag the chair she’d been sitting in earlier closer to her friend’s bed. “No problem. Anything to help keep you from throwing up all over me again,” she said this part with humor, even if at the time it hadn’t been amusing. She’d actually been terrified more than disgusted, having never seen Echo that ill before. 

“I did  _ not,” _ Echo protested weakly, her cheeks heating up at the thought of having been sick on someone.

“You did.  _ Twice. _ Monty got the worst of it though, but he’s used to it with Jordan. Doesn’t matter how many times the baby spits up on his face he still insists on lifting him over his head when they’re playing.” Harper shook her head in exasperated fondness. 

Echo wrinkled her nose at the visual and then groaned, realizing what Harper had meant. “Think a bracelet will cover the damage?” she asked, her anxiety already rising at the thought of being indebted to someone. Even someone as easy-going and forgiving as Monty. 

At this point in their relationship Harper knew it was wasted energy to try and convince Echo she didn’t  _ need _ to repay either of them for their kindness. Both her and Monty were Bigs, and taking care of Littles is what they were biologically wired to do. Even if it meant being thrown up on from time to time. At least Echo didn’t have accidents on their laps like Raven sometimes still did. 

“I’m sure he’d love anything you wanted to give him,” Harper settled on responding. 

In reality, most Littles had a biological urge to gift things to the important Bigs in their lives. As Raven once explained it, it made her feel good in her tummy to give them stuff when she was dropped. But since her littleself was too young to actually create things, often times the toddler’s presents were simply shiny rocks or particularly colorful leaves.

Echo on the other hand, she liked to make bracelets and necklaces with string or twine, having discovered a few months after Praimfaya that she was actually really good at it. Prior to that her gifts tended to consist of dead animals she’d hunted or trapped in the woods. After a few months of periodically finding animal carcasses on each of their doorsteps, Clarke had eventually volunteered to take one for the team and sit the girl down for a talk. 

Instead of just telling her to stop, Clarke had suggested she find something she could make with her hands. Something creative that she could personalize for the situation or person. The end result was the Little realizing she had a knack for making jewelry out of different types of knots. Harper smiled to herself as she remembered the first time she’d found a bracelet shoved under her front door instead of the usual dead bird or mouse.

“I see the puddle’s finally awake.” 

Echo groaned at the new voice coming from the doorway. It was Murphy. Ugh. “Please tell me I puked on him too,” she asked Harper, not even bothering to keep her voice down. She didn’t care if the fellow Little heard her. He could fuck right off with that ‘puddles’ comment. 

“Nope, you were empty by the time I got ahold of you. You’re welcome for saving your life by the way,” Murphy smirked as he stepped into the nursery. He had a dropped Raven in his arms, the girl expertly balanced on his hip. She had been clinging to him for the last few hours and he could really use a break from toddler duty. “Can you take her?” he asked Harper as he neared his two friends. 

Harper nodded quickly and reached her arms out, helping to guide the clearly anxious two year old into her lap. “Hey sweet girl, Auntie Harper’s got you, you’re alright,” she soothed, rubbing her hand up and down the Little’s back. 

Raven whimpered at the sudden exchange and glanced up at her big brother with wide, hurt-filled eyes. 

“Aww, don’t give me those doe-eyes, munchkin. Johnny needs a break before he throws his back out.” Murphy looked away from the toddler as he began twisting and bending his torso, only stopping when he felt things crack and settle into place. “Oh that’s so much better,” he groaned in relief. 

Echo had been carefully listening to the banter though her focus remained on the boy’s previous statement “What do you mean saved my life?”

Murphy grinned at the question, fully intending to gloat about his heroics, but the painful scratchiness of Echo’s voice gave him pause. “You sound like shit, E. Hold on, I’ll get you some water.” Without waiting for a response he turned and headed towards the makeshift kitchen located in the corner of the room. The Bigs always kept a bowl of water on the counter and snacks in the cabinets incase one of them got hungry or thirsty while playing. 

“He sat in the water with you until your fever broke,” Harper explained when it was clear Murphy wasn’t going to answer Echo’s question. She watched in ever increasing adoration as he began rummaging through the cabinets, cleary searching for something specific within their depths. “You were barely consciousness when we pulled you from the rover. Murphy was the one who suggested we toss you in the pond to try and get your fever down.”

“Okay, first of all, I didn’t use the word ‘toss’, and second of all, where the hell are the lids to these?” Murphy turned around and waved a stack of cups in his hand. Normally there were makeshift plastic lids attached to the tops so that Little Raven and Echo didn’t spill their drinks all over the place. “Unless you think she can she sit up and use a normal one?”

Harper glanced back towards Echo in order to assess her current condition. “I’m sure we can make it work. How are you feeling, by the way? Any nausea or dizziness?” she asked the Little laying next to her. 

Echo brought a hand up to her face and tentatively lifted the edge of the blindfold in order to test her ocular status. The last thing she needed was to give herself a seizure on top of everything else. “My brain’s not flinching, so that’s a good sign,” she winced, her voice sounding even rougher than before. She could really use that drink of water right about now. Pulling the blindfold off entirely, she let it fall to the mattress by her side and then slowly opened her eyes. 

Murphy had given up searching for a lid and was already on his way back over with a half filled cup of water. “It probably tastes like shit since who knows when the last time the bowl was changed,” he explained, handing the cup to Harper so he could help Echo sit herself upright. Their makeshift clinic had a bed with an adjustable upper half but it was currently occupied by the severely injured grounder. The nursery had been the next best place to bring Echo after her fever had broken. 

Harper sniffed at the water before taking a tentative sip. The bowl they stored fresh water in was meant to be changed daily, but since it wasn’t one of her chores that week she wanted to double check. “It’s fresh,” she concluded after she swirled the liquid over her tongue a few times. “You want some baby girl? Before we give it to your cousin?” she asked the unusually quiet toddler in her lap. 

Raven shook her head as best she could with her thumb in her mouth. She was seated across the Big’s legs with her upper body resting against her chest. It was a bit awkward since they were both the same size, but over the years they’d grown accustomed to the fit. Cuddling with Auntie Harper was usually one of her favorite things to do, but right now all she wanted was to curl up next to her cousin and take a nap.

“I think she’s still freaked out over Echo’s near death experience,” Murphy explained, nodding his head towards his little sister. Raven had dropped almost immediately after they’d gotten Echo situated in the Nursery. It was actually rather alarming since out of the three of them Raven was the least likely to drop without warning. For emotional reasons, that is.

“I was worried too, for what it’s worth. You gave us quite a scare.” He directed this last part towards Echo, his voice laced with sincerity instead of its typical facade of indifference. He may not say it outloud all that often but he did actually care about the girl.

Echo frowned at his unusually public display of concern. “How close was I?” she asked, though she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to know the answer. She took the cup from Harper and began taking small sips of the lukewarm water. She knew from past experiences not to down it all at once. 

Harper chewed on her lower lip, not sure how much they should tell the girl about what had happened. She glanced up at Murphy and could tell from the expression on his face that he was mulling over the same thing. 

“Not as close as that time you secretly refused to take Clarke’s bone marrow treatment, but closer than all the other times you’ve done something stupid and made yourself sick,” Murphy offered, deciding that the truth couldn’t really effect her at this point. What they ended up telling Bellamy and Clarke about what had happened was an entirely different matter. 

“Was it worse than the cave?” Echo asked, her body instinctively tensing at the mere mention of the incident. She kind of wanted to lay back down but wasn’t sure her stomach would agree with that decision now that there was something finally in it. 

“Um, I honestly couldn’t tell you that one. Harper and I weren’t with the group that rescued the both of you. But…. if I were to hazard a guess based on the stories Emori and Raven have told me, then I’d say that no, the cave was probably worse.”

Echo nodded her head, feeling rather dumb for finding that so reassuring. “Okay, so number three on my list of major fuck ups, got it.”

Harper frowned at the curse word but decided against reprimanding her for it. It didn’t appear that Raven was listening too carefully to what they were saying. She was beginning to grow concerned that the girl might have actually fallen asleep in her lap. It was almost time for Jordan’s afternoon feeding and she really didn’t want to be in a position where she had to wake up one baby in order to care for another.

“Hey, I know this is sudden, but will you three be alright if I take off for a little while? It’s almost dinner time for Jordan and you know how cranky he gets when his meals are late. Or I could also bring him back in here with me if you’d prefer to have a Big around?” 

It took all of Murphy’s willpower not to roll his eyes or scoff at the suggestion. Harper’s archaic belief that Littles couldn’t take care of each other without the help of a Big always managed to irritate the piss out of him. That being said, he did acknowledge the fact that the Big was at least  _ trying _ to change her worldview. He was also aware of the possibility that the perceived slight may have only happened inside of his head. Almost losing a family member made him a bit trigger happy with his emotions.

“We’ll be fine by ourselves. The baby’s about to fall asleep anyways,” he ended up replying, his eyes drifting towards his sleepy sister’s face. Even though he was still annoyed with Harper, he couldn’t help but melt at the adorably drowsy face the toddler was making. “Let’s get her on the bed though before she conks out.”

Harper could sense that Murphy was upset with her for some reason but she knew better than to ask him about it in front of the others. He would most likely come to her on his own if it was something he really wanted to talk about it. Or if he didn’t, Emori could fill her in the next time they talked.

“Alright, sleepy head. Up you go next to your cousin.” Harper waited for Murphy to come around the bed and then together they hoisted the girl onto the mattress next to Echo. It would have been a tight fit except for the fact that Raven usually laid on top of whoever she was napping with. Since Echo was still sitting upright the toddler had even more room to curl up in her lap. “Is that okay? We can adjust her if you’d rather lay down again”

Echo did kind of want to lay down again, but she shook her head at the Big’s offer of assistance. Murphy was practically buzzing next to her and the sooner Harper left the sooner he could relax. “I’m fine. We’ll be fine. Go take care of your little man,” Echo insisted, waving her hand absently in the air. 

Even though her instincts were screaming at her not to leave, Harper couldn’t keep her baby waiting for much longer. “Alright, I’ll probably be by later with some food. Try not to move around too much, okay?” She squeezed Echo’s shoulder gently, needing the reassurance that the girl was still alive. 

“Not going anywhere, promise,” Echo replied, reaching up and squeezing Harper’s hand in her own. She then motioned towards the exit again. “If you don’t leave now he’s going to drop out of spite.” 

Murphy wasn’t anywhere even  _ close _ to the vicinity of wanting to drop, but Echo’s warning seemed to do the trick and within moments they were alone in the room. Finally. “Uuuuugh,” he groaned overdramatically, throwing his upper body over the bed by Raven’s feet. “I love Harper, I really do. But sometimes I just want to  _ stab _ her, ya know?” 

Echo grinned at the theatrics and patted the top of Murphy’s head. “Yeah, I do know. She means well, though.” Echo really did sympathize with Murphy, but right now there were other things she wanted to discuss. “Hey, now that she’s gone can you help me to lay back down? You’re starting to turn a bit blue around the edges if you know what I mean.”

That got Murphy’s attention and he quickly stood upright, concern written all over his face.  _ “Shit, _ E, why didn’t you say something? Should I go and get her back?” If Echo was seeing auras then maybe they  _ did _ need a Big. 

“Shut up and help me lay down. I’ll be fine once the room stops spinning.” 

Murphy quickly jumped into action, first removing Raven from Echo’s lap and then carefully helping her to lay back against the pillows. Once she was settled he rearranged the slumbering toddler so the two girls were laying side by side. “Better?” he asked, gently tugging the discarded baby blanket from beneath Raven’s midsection. “I can blindfold you if you want.”

Echo couldn’t help but smirk at the offer. “Kinky.”

“Woah, hey now, not while one of us is dropped.” He moved to cover Raven’s ears despite knowing the girl was out cold. He also knew Echo was toying with him, and that actually helped to relax him even further. If she were really on the verge of a major seizure she wouldn’t be able to make jokes, right?

Echo swatted his hands away and then carefully tugged the toddler further in against her side. “But to  _ actually _ answer your question, no. I’m pretty sure it’s a false alarm, but even if it isn’t it’s too late for a blindfold.”

It was Murphy’s turn to smirk now. “Oh? According to Bellamy it’s  _ never _ to late for a blindfold.” He made a rather pathetic attempt to wiggle his eyebrows. 

Echo stuck her tongue out in response. Murphy was absolutely full of shit with that insinuation, but she appreciated his attempt to keep things humorous. The moment couldn’t stretch on forever though, and soon she was back to worrying about things she couldn’t control. Or in this case specifically, things she couldn’t remember.

Murphy could sense the change in his friend and he sighed, moving around the bed and taking a seat in the chair Harper had vacated. “You want to know what happened?” he asked, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck.

Echo nodded her head. “At least tell me how I got back here. Who drove once I passed out?”

Murphy tilted his head at the question, having thought the answer to that one was rather obvious. “Ten and over drives the rover. I have to say, your little sister pays  _ way _ more attention on road trips than mine does. Though to be honest, I’m not sure even  _ I _ know the route to Polis that goes directly through the desert.”

“Wait a second,  _ through _ the desert? You’re saying I drove us through the desert and not around it?” It all made sense now, why she’d passed out and almost died. What the hell had she been thinking?

“Pay attention E,  _ Madi’s _ the one that drove you guys through the desert. According to her you made the ‘executive decision’ to take the shortcut but then got sick less than an hour in. I know I made that joke earlier about saving your life, but in reality it’s Madi that saved all of your lives.”

Echo didn’t know what to say to that. She was filled with so much pride that it was almost bursting from her chest, but she was also horrified at having put the ten year old in that position in the first place. “Where’s Madi now? And did everyone else make it? I’m assuming Gaia was dying, right?” She couldn’t think of any other justification for risking her own life to get to Eden faster.

Murphy shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t about to start lying to her now. “Gaia’s alive for the moment, though Abby didn’t look too hopeful about her odds the last time I saw her. Or maybe that was just about saving her leg? Anyway, I’m pretty sure if you  _ hadn’t _ cut through the desert Gaia would have died for certain.”

Echo mulled the thought over in her mind. Five years ago she would have never imagined sacrificing herself to save a member of Trikru, but now? Had she really become that soft? “And Madi?” she asked again, not wanting to dwell anymore on the reasons behind her decision.

“With Jordan in Monty and Harper’s cabin. We weren’t sure you were going to make it at first so Harper gave the baby to her and told her to stay inside. I’m honestly surprised she listened,” Murphy explained.

“I doubt it was that. It’s a long drive even without all the scariness so she probably just fell asleep. Jordan gives the best naptime cuddles, though maybe not as good as  _ this _ one does.” Echo jutted her chin towards the sleeping toddler curled up against her side. 

Murphy grinned and nodded his head in agreement. “Little Bird definitely ranks number one in the cuddles department. It almost makes up for how much of a pain in the ass she is when she’s not dropped.” He didn’t really mean that of course, but judging from Echo’s laughter she understood he was just teasing. 

“I’m totally telling her you-- you-- oh--  _ jok--” _

“Echo?” Murphy asked in alarm, standing up just in time to see Echo’s eyes roll into the back of her head as she began to seize. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit darker than the others and has a brief mention of past child abuse.

Abby was exhausted. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. Her entire being ached with an inescapable pain unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. She desperately needed to rest but everytime she closed her eyes the image of Clarke’s face hovering over her right before she’d passed out from smoke inhalation assaulted her mind’s eye. Her daughter was _alive._ They were all _alive._

How was this possible with the amount of radiation they must have been exposed to? The nightblood solution had been a failure. She’d seen the results of the serum with her own two eyes. Well, the results of the _first_ iteration of the serum. She’d never allowed the altered version to be tested, too afraid of losing her daughter forever if the science failed a second time.

Had that been a mistake? Had she doomed those she loved and cared about to an unimaginable existence below ground when instead they could have been walking free on the surface the entire time? The nightblood serum _must_ have worked. It’s the only possible explanation for the groups survival. Thousands of lives could have been spared if only she had gone through with the test.

Except Abby was nothing if not fiercely protective of her daughter. She’d been unwilling to sacrifice Clarke for the sake of saving humanity, and so in the end she’d sacrificed humanity for a daughter that didn’t even need saving. Clarke was alive. Wonkru was not. This was _her_ fault. Not Jaha’s, or Kane’s, or even Octavia’s. All of the lives that had been lost since the discovery of the bunker could have been saved if only she hadn’t been such a selfish coward.

It hurt something deep inside her soul to know she was responsible for so much death and suffering. The conclave? The lottery? The dark year? All of that could have been avoided with a simple injection of bone marrow. The nightblood serum _worked._ The science hadn’t failed them. _She_ had. She had failed them all.

“Damnit,” Abby whimpered, wiping at her eyes as she desperately tried not to cry. She was exhausted and needed to sleep, but even more than that she needed comfort and reassurance. Her soulmate, Kane, was still in Polis, as was Clarke. The two most important people in the world to her were currently hundreds of miles away, but at least they were still alive. No thanks to her, that is.

There was a third part of her heart that was equally as empty, but for an entirely different reason. Raven wasn’t hundreds of miles away geographically speaking, but emotionally she may as well have been in space. Abby had only managed a brief glimpse of the Little in all the commotion of their arrival, but the joyous feeling she had been expecting at finally being reunited with her heartmate just wasn’t there.

Which meant their bond must have broken during the five years they were apart. It was the only explanation she could come up with as to why she didn’t feel the usually inescapable draw towards the tiny brunette. Had Raven moved on and found someone else? Biologically it _was_ possible to break a bond if one partner was dead, but surely she hadn’t thought that about her? It hadn’t even been the full five years yet.

Not to mention, if either of them had had reason to believe the other had died it should have been her. Going to space had seemed like such a long shot, especially eight people for five years. And clearly Abby had been right, since something must have happened to cause Clarke to scrap that plan and go with the nightblood solution instead.

There was still so much she didn’t know about what had happened to her daughter and her friends and it made her heart clench in her chest to think she might not find out the answers until Clarke herself returned. She hadn’t seen Raven since that first momentary glimpse when they were bringing Gaia into the medical building, which probably meant she was avoiding her. Why would her baby girl be trying to avoid her unless she really had moved on?

“Abby! Abby! You need to come with me! Echo’s having a seizure! Please!”

Murphy was equal parts thrilled and frustrated that Abby Griffin was the first person he saw on his quest to obtain help for his friend. On the one hand she was a doctor and therefore the most likely one who could do something for Echo, but on the other hand she was a monster who had tried to kill his heartmate. He had no intentions of ever forgiving her for what she’d done in Becca’s lab, but he would also never forgive himself if Echo died because he couldn’t get over his own shit in order to save her life.

“Come with me, please!” Murphy insisted again, already turning around so he could head back to the Nursery with or without her.

Abby hesitated for half a second, not sure she trusted the young man she’d hurt so terribly half a decade ago, but the doctor inside of her couldn’t walk away when someone needed medical attention. She was a hypocrite and she hated herself for it, but now wasn’t the time to dwell on her failures as a human. Now was the time to atone for them.

Breaking out into a jog in order to catch up with Murphy, Abby remained silent as the two navigated the darkened village towards some unknown destination. Was he lying to her? Leading her into a trap? They were heading away from the center of the village, but it didn’t appear as if the young man had a weapon on him. Not that he needed one. John Murphy was a fighter, if nothing else.

“She was fine one minute and then she started seizing. One of the bad ones where she shakes and gets that _look_ on her face.”

Abby knew what “look” the man was referring to, having seen it a few times on the Ark in patients suffering from head trauma. She’d also seen it in Raven, but she didn’t want to think about her baby girl convulsing on the floor of Becca’s lab right now. “And you left her alone? John she could-”

Murphy halted in his tracks, spinning around so quickly that Abby nearly ran right into his chest. _“No._ You don’t get to call me that. Not after everything you’ve done,” he snarled, forgetting for the moment his original mission. His hackles were raised and his fists clenched at his sides. He wanted so badly to punch Abigail Griffin right in her holier than thou face, but he held back. Emori would be so disappointed in him if he reverted back to his old ways.

Not to mention Clarke would probably banish him for decking her mom. Okay, maybe not _banish,_ but it would definitely set their relationship back a few years.

Abby was frozen in her spot, eyes closed and breath held as she awaited her fate. Having her head knocked in was exactly what she deserved. She was a _monster,_ after all. Thousands of people were dead because of her. But when a few moments had passed and still the boy hadn’t struck her, she slowly opened her eyes to see the most peculiar look on his face.

“You were really going to just stand there and let me hit you?” Murphy asked, incredulity lacing his voice. The Abby Griffin he remembered would have never rolled over so easily. What the hell had happened in that bunker to do this to her?

“After what I did to you and that grounder-”

 _“Emori._ That grounder’s name is Emori.”

“Right.” Abby sighed and rubbed at her face with her hands. “What I did to you and Emori, what I almost did to her, it’s unconscionable. I’m a healer. I’m supposed to save lives, not take them.”

Murphy took a step back, lowering his gaze to the dirt between their feet. “Yeah, well, war makes murderers of us all,” he responded, letting out a tension filled breath of air. This wasn’t forgiveness, not by a long shot. “You were right, by the way. About the nightblood serum. Doesn’t excuse you forcing Emori into that chamber, though.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Abby responded as she wrapped her arms around her chest, feeling more emotionally strung out than she had in months. While she was grateful for the chance to have this conversation with the boy, there was also a patient waiting for her. “Let me start making it up to you by helping your friend. Where’s Echo right now?”

It took Murphy a couple seconds to snap back to the reality of their present situation, and he cursed loudly as he recalled his original mission. _“Fuck._ She’s in the nursery, come on.”

Without any further delay, the two began their journey once more, eventually stopping outside a surprisingly cheerful looking cabin. It was too dark outside to fully appreciate the colorful paint adorning the walls and trim, but Abby could definitely understand why Murphy had referred to the building as a “nursery”.

Murphy didn’t bother waiting for Abby as he burst into the cabin, his heart rate speeding up in trepidation of what he might find. Echo had almost died earlier that day. What if her brain wasn’t strong enough to handle such a major seizure so soon? What if this was the one she didn’t wake up from? “Raven, we’re back, we-”

“Took you long enough,” Raven snapped at the boy, not even bothering to look up as she stood vigil over her friend’s still body. Echo had stopped seizing shortly after Murphy had fled, but she had yet to regain consciousness. Normally she bounced back much quicker than this. It hadn’t even been that bad of a seizure, at least in comparison to others she had witnessed over the years.

“Yeah, well, I had to talk myself down from murdering someone,” he responded almost casually as he moved around the bed to stand on the same side as his soulmate. He was desperately trying not to tease her for being aged up while still dressed in a diaper and onesie. “How’s she doing?” he asked instead.

“The seizure stopped a few minutes ago, but she’s still unconscious,” Raven explained. “Harper, should we-” the words died in her throat as she looked up, expecting to see their fellow member of Bloodkru standing opposite them. How had she not realized it was her heartmate who had entered? Wasn’t she supposed to _feel_ her presence? She hadn’t felt it earlier in the day, but had just assumed it was because of the stress of seeing Echo so sick.

“Abby,” she whispered, clenching and unclenching her hands at her sides. She started to sway in her spot, her head growing fuzzy as she desperately tried to locate the missing emotions. Her aging up hadn’t been a natural progression, but an instantaneous one sparked by the severity of the situation she found herself in upon waking. She could easily slip back into her Little mindset and continue from where she’d left off, but she wasn’t sure her heart could handle being dropped around Abby right now. If their bond was broken, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be okay in the woman’s presence ever again.

“Woah, hey, Raven, sit down before you fall down. You don’t have your brace on, remember?” Murphy instinctively wrapped an arm around his soulmate the moment he felt her start to wobble next to him. “Get back on the bed with Echo. Maybe playing “pancake” will help wake her up?”

Raven would have argued against his concern if not for the fact that laying atop of Echo _did_ sometimes manage to snap her back to consciousness. Echo had a love-hate relationship with being held down, and in situations like this the forceful pressure on her body tended to trigger her fight or flight response, which in turn woke her up from whatever type of slumber she was experiencing. Raven was risking physical injury by doing this, but hopefully her friend was still too weak to do much damage if she did wake up wanting to fight.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, she could start seizing again,” Abby interrupted as she watched Murphy helping Raven onto the bed. So far she’d stayed on the opposite side of the room simply watching the three, but now she walked forward until she was leaning up against Echo’s makeshift hospital bed. “She could throw you to the ground if that happens.”

“It’s a good thing babies bounce,” Raven smirked, keeping her eyes strictly on her friend as she stretched out on top of her. “I’m more worried about her knocking my teeth in.” She wasn’t truly worried, not about her physical safety at least. “Wakey wakey eggs and bakey,” she prodded, resting her weight on one of her elbows so she could reach up and brush some of the sticky hair from Echo’s face.

It didn’t take long before there was some life evident in the girl, and Raven braced herself for the moment she fully woke up. “Please don’t break my nose, please don’t break my nose,” she whispered quietly, tensing as Echo began to shift a little beneath her.

“If I broke your nose, Murphy would break my arm,” Echo responded after a few moments, her voice even scratchier than before. She’d been awake since before Raven had climbed on top of her, but her body had taken longer than usual to start responding to her brain’s commands. Slowly blinking open her eyes, she attempted to focus them on the smiling face just inches away from her own. “Since when do you like being on top?” she asked, breaking out into her own grin.

“Okay well, she’s _clearly_ fine if she’s already dishing out the sexual innuendo,” Murphy rolled his eyes, though internally he was overjoyed that the girl’s inapt humor was still intact. Echo wouldn’t be Echo if she lost her ability to sass them at the most inopportune times.

“Perhaps, but I should still check her over just to make sure,” Abby insisted, watching with interest how the three interacted with each other. She already knew the grounder was close to her daughter and Bellamy Blake, but clearly there was something between the three Littles as well.

Echo frowned at the voice and shifted her gaze to her right. “Mom?” she asked, her head still a bit fuzzy from the seizure.

 _“Grandma,_ actually. Don’t mind her, Abby, she’s blind as a bat. This close up you probably _do_ look like Clarke,” Murphy explained, grinning in satisfaction at the stunned look on Dr. Griffin’s face. It was clear that the Big had yet to be apprised of the situation her daughter had gotten herself into. Which might have been a horrible way of putting it if not for the fact that nothing about Echo and Clarke’s relationship was by their own consensual design.

“I’m not calling her that.”

“She’s not calling me that.”

Murphy smirked as the two talked over each other. He was enjoying this way more than he probably should. If Emori were here she’d have put him in time out by now. It would have been worth it though.

Raven would have slapped Murphy in the back of the head if she’d been able to reach. Instead she settled for glaring at him as she finally rolled off Echo and settled on her back next to her. She felt alarmingly exposed in this position, but wasn’t about to attempt getting out of bed again.

Sensing her rising distress, Murphy reached across the bed for the discarded blanket Echo had previously been using as a blindfold. Shaking it out to it’s full length, he carefully draped it over Raven’s lower half, hiding her bare legs and diaper from view.

Abby watched the interaction unfold, unable to help the smile forming on her face at the love that clearly existed between the two. She’d already known that John Murphy was Raven’s soulmate, though the animosity the two of them had shared before Praimfaya had led her to believe they’d never actually go through with a bond. Even if it tore at her own heart, she was glad that Raven had been able to move on from their own broken bond, eventually allowing someone else to give her the love and care that she so rightfully deserved.

“You went and got the doctor? Aww, Murph, I didn’t know you cared,” Echo teased, wanting to break the awkward silence that had descended around them.

“Hey, I didn’t sit in the pond with you for an hour to get your temperature down just so you could die from a stupid seizure. You’re welcome, once again.” He was trying for unaffected but it was clear they all saw through him. Whatever. He didn’t care if Abby thought he was a good guy. Not really. It’s not like she was going to make fun of him for it, right?

“Seizures themselves aren’t lethal; concurrent brain damage on the other hand...” Abby trailed off as she bent over the bed, hoping to get a look at Echo’s eyes without having to touch her. She really needed a light source of some kind to properly test her pupil’s responses, but since they didn’t appear overly dilated she wasn’t too concerned. “How long has this been happening? The seizures? And have you ever been diagnosed with a seizure disorder?”

Echo wanted to push Abby away, not liking the other woman leaning above her when she was still so weak. “Diagnosed by _who,_ exactly?” she asked instead. She felt a hand slowly wrap around one of her own and glanced over at Raven, instantly recognizing her touch. Her friend was looking at her imploringly, silently begging her not to give the doctor a hard time.

“You’re saying Azgeda had no healers? I find that hard to believe.” Abby stood back up, placing her hands on her hips.

“Yeah, that’s not really what she meant,” Murphy interjected, glancing down at Echo to see if she’d be alright with him taking point on this one. “Can I tell her?”

Abby narrowed her eyes. “Tell me what?”

Echo bit her lip, not sure she trusted the Skaikru doctor with her secrets. Then again, she _did_ save Roan’s life after the City of Light had collapsed, so maybe that courtesy would now be extended to her? “Ai laik Ekou kom Azgeda-- _Haiplana_ kom Azgeda.” She could tell from the sudden widening of Dr. Griffin’s eyes that she understood enough Trig to know what she’d just said.

 _“Queen?_ Wait a second-- Roan, he was your _brother?_ I thought he was your Big, and you were his guard?” Abby asked incredulously, having never imagined that the woman laying before her could actually be a member of the royal family. Stunned, she took a seat in the chair that was conveniently right beside her.

“Can’t all of those things be true?” Echo responded, rather amused at the doctor’s response. She glanced over to Murphy now and nodded her head. “Go ahead and tell her what you know. I’ll jump in if you screw anything up.” She grinned at the slight roll of the boy’s eyes.

Murphy waited a few moments while Echo and Raven seemed to get settled in, the younger girl turning and curling up against her friend’s side. He wished he had a larger blanket so he could drape it over the both of them. He wished he had a lot of things that would make their lives more comfortable.

“Alright, now that you know the ice cube’s secret, you’re probably even more confused about her doctor comment, right? I mean, surely an Azgedan princess would have access to the best doctors in the land?”

“One would presume, yes.” Abby wasn’t sure she liked the mocking tone in the man’s voice, but she decided against taking the bait. Hopefully whatever Murphy had to say would be helpful in diagnosing the grounder.

“As it turns out, Bellamy isn’t the only one who secretly hid their sibling beneath the floorboards.”

Echo quickly shook her head at this. “I wasn’t raised beneath the floor. Don’t lie to make it sound worse than it was.”

“It’s not about making it sounding _worse,_ it would have just been a cooler story if yours and Octavia’s beginnings were closer to being the same.” Murphy shrugged his shoulders, trying not to be embarrassed at being called out. “Anyway, no one knew she existed except Roan and their father, who was King by birth, not marriage. They managed to hide her existence for at least a year, but Queen Nia, being the shrewd bitch that she was, eventually found out.”

Echo was starting to second guess giving Murphy the go ahead. It’s not that she didn’t want the other woman to know, but she disliked hearing about her past almost as much as she disliked talking about it. Raven must have sensed her unease because an arm soon draped across her stomach, pulling her attention away from her memories and back towards the present.

“Queen Nia ordered her personal guards to float her husband’s mistress and child, but shit went down and in the end the King gave his life to save Echo’s. If Roan hadn’t shown up when he did, before the Queen’s second wave of assassins arrived, she’d have been murdered too.”

Abby let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “How old was he when this happened?”

“Seven. He was six when I was born; same as Bellamy and Octavia,” Echo explained, her heart skipping a beat at the mention of her heartmate’s name. She’d have given anything in that moment for Bellamy to suddenly appear at the nursery door.

“I’m sorry. No child should have to experience that,” Abby responded solemnly, even though she herself was partially to blame for the Blake’s situation. “I assume Roan kept you hidden from Queen Nia after that?” At Echo’s nod she continued, “that must have been so difficult for him. Not just because of his age, but because of his status as the crowned prince.”

Echo shrugged her shoulders, glancing up at Murphy in the hopes he would jump back in and answer the doctor’s questions for her.

“Not really, doc. He basically abandoned her in the woods to fend for herself.”

Abby’s breath caught in her throat at the idea of leaving a helpless infant alone like that. Even at seven years old, Roan had to have known she wouldn’t be able to survive. Especially if Azgeda was as cold as the grounders claimed it to be.

Raven poked Murphy in the stomach at his comment. “Stop it. You know he didn’t do it for the same reason Emori’s parents abandoned her and her brother. Roan thought Echo would be safer with those people than in the palace. Unlike Bellamy, he actually had the opportunity to give her to someone he thought would properly raise her. He couldn’t have known what they’d do to her.”

Abby found herself leaning forward in her seat as the conversation between the three progressed. She couldn’t help but be morbidly curious about what may have happened to Echo as a baby or young child. Whatever it was, they clearly blamed her seizures on the experience.

“And he _still_ doesn’t know what they did to me. Or I mean, he didn’t when he was alive,” Echo interrupted, wanting to defend her brother’s actions even though it did neither of them any good at this point. “He did come back for me when I was older,” she added, clenching her body tight in trepidation of what came next in her story.

Murphy could see the change in his friend and quickly made the decision to lie about this next part. Abby didn’t need to know every sordid detail in order to help Echo, and some demons were best left undisturbed. “To make a long story short, the people that found her and kept her alive were basically the grounder version of those crazy scientists in Mount Weather. They experimented on her, did stuff to her brain with some crude form of electricity or what have you. Echo doesn’t remember most of it because she was too young, but Roan eventually told her what he’d seen when he’d gone back for her.”

“You’re forgetting the part where he murdered everyone involved right in front of me.” Echo had no idea what compelled her to add that part, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. She hated speaking ill of her brother.

Murphy hung his head with a long suffering, over exaggerated sigh. There went his plans to sugar coat things right out fucking the door. “Fine, it’s your story after all. Are you going to tell her the other part too? The part where they-- _Ow!_ Jesus Christ! Raven! Did you just bite me?!” He leapt back, pulling his injured arm close to his chest in order to inspect it. “What the hell?!”

“Oh you know _exactly_ what the hell!” Raven shouted back, sitting up fully now as she wiped at her mouth. She hadn’t been aiming to draw blood, but if she had then he definitely deserved it. What the fuck had he been thinking telling that part of Echo’s story for her? “You are so lucky Emori isn’t here or your ass would be raw for a week!”

“Alright, enough! If you’re going to act like children then you can both take a seat in opposite corners of the room until you cool down,” Abby exclaimed, pointing first towards one corner and then another.

Murphy stared at the Big in confusion. “Abby, she can’t walk,” he responded, hating how close he now was to dropping. He glanced over towards Raven, nearly falling apart at the terrified look on her face. To hell with this. Abby wasn’t going to scare his soulmate into a panic drop, especially not over something _he_ did. “Unless you want her to crawl on her hands and knees? Would that do it for you? You want her to wet herself too? I saw the way you were looking at her diaper earlier.”

Okay, what the hell was he doing? That was not at all what he’d meant to say, but now that the words were out he felt his anger beginning to rise. Maybe he _should_ have decked the woman when he’d had the chance.

“Murphy, go to Harper,” Echo instructed, sitting up in alarm at the energy suddenly flooding the room. “I mean it, go to Harper, right now.” She pointed towards the door as she looked her friend directly in the eyes. He needed to drop, and with Emori on her way to Polis Harper was his next best option. If he did it here in front of Abby she doubted it would end well for either of them.

“No,” Murphy insisted, stubbornly shaking his head at his friend’s instruction. “Why do _I_ have to leave when _she’s_ the one that’s doing this!” He yelled, pointing angrily in Abby’s direction. He was so fucking close to marching right over and punching the offending Big square in the mouth.

“Because _you’re_ the one scaring Raven, not her.” Despite knowing it was a bad idea, Echo swung her legs off the side of the bed and slowly lowered herself to her feet. Raven was as stiff as a tree next to her and she squeezed her friend’s knee in reassurance. It wasn’t just Murphy that needed to drop.

“What the hell are you doing? You shouldn’t be on your feet this soon,” Murphy protested, his eyes growing wide in alarm as Echo began to shuffle towards him.

“I’m taking you to Harper before you do something you’ll regret.” Echo waved her hand at him, indicating he should at least attempt to meet her half way.

Murphy didn’t want to go to Harper but he recognized the look in Echo’s eyes that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. He stamped his foot on the ground and threw Abby a dirty look, wanting to make sure she knew he wasn’t doing this because he was afraid of her or anything. She wasn’t chasing him out of the room, he was only leaving so Echo didn’t collapse while attempting to drag him out. “Fine. Whatever. Let’s go.”

Echo rested a hand on Murphy’s shoulder as he began to make his way towards the door. Before they could step outside she turned her head to make sure Raven would be alright with the doctor. The Little hadn’t made a peep since Echo announced she and Murphy were leaving, but she trusted her friend to speak up if she wasn’t okay with the idea. Echo was too weak to do it herself, but Murphy could have carried Raven if the girl truly didn’t want to be alone with her heartmate.

“Taim yu laksen em, ai na frag yu op,” she told Abby, knowing her tone of voice would be enough to get her point across if the doctor couldn’t otherwise translate.

“Ai nou na laksen em. Ai swega yu klin,” Abby responded, her voice strong and even. A part of her wanted to be angry that Echo would think her capable of hurting Raven, but an even larger part was glad her heartmate had someone so fiercely protective of her fighting in her corner. She had no doubt that Echo _would_ kill her if she did anything to hurt the Little.

Echo’s eyes widened a slight bit at the doctor’s response. Trig always sounded strange coming from Skaikru lips, but Abby seemed to have a better grasp on the pronunciation than even Monty or Murphy did. Someone native to the ground must have been the one to teach her, and judging from the slight accent to her vowels that someone was probably a member of Trikru.

Satisfied that Raven would be okay if they left, Echo eventually nudged Murphy to get him to start walking again and together the two headed across the darkened village towards Harper and Monty’s cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trig Translations:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Ai laik Ekou kom Azgeda-- Haiplana kom Azgeda = I'm Echo of the Ice Nation-- Queen of the Ice Nation
> 
> Taim yu laksen em, ai na frag yu op = If you hurt her, I will kill you.
> 
> Ai nou na laksen em. Ai swega yu klin = I won't hurt her. I promise.


	9. Chapter 9

Before they’d gotten even halfway to Harper’s cabin Echo felt Murphy start to drop. She slowed her pace until they were both standing still, wanting to give him ample time to adjust to the change in consciousness.

Little Murphy, or Johnny as he preferred to be called, wasn’t all that different to his adult counterpart. He was fourteen, which was at the extreme end of the spectrum for Little ages. Even Echo’s oldest Little self wasn’t as old as him, which meant he had no real peers to interact with and it showed in his often volatile temperament.

Echo knew he didn’t like being angry anymore than _they_ liked when he was angry, but without appropriate social outlets it was hard for him to blow off steam in emotionally productive ways. If she wasn’t so weak from her recent fainting spell and subsequent seizure she would have insisted they go for a run. Johnny enjoyed exercising with her, but only when she framed it as a competition, and only if she promised not to let him win. In all the years they’d been doing this he’d yet to win a single race.

Echo wasn’t about to give up her winning streak now. Instead of suggesting they burn off his sudden flourish of energy she motioned for him to start walking, hoping perhaps that baby Jordan would be a suitable alternative to occupy his mind. Except when she took a step forward, he stayed where he was.

“Johnny?” she asked, frowning as she glanced over her shoulder. She was feeling less and less stable on her feet and needed him beside her to lean on. “Come on. Harper’s cabin is lit up, that means she’s still awake.”

Johnny kicked one of his shoes against the dirt and shook his head. He didn’t want to go to Harper’s and no one, not even Echo, could make him do something he didn’t want to do.

Echo sighed at the defiant look on the boy’s face and quickly changed her plans. “Fine, if you won’t go be with a Big then you’ll come stay with me for the night.” She turned the two of them around and pointed towards her own cabin. “March,” she instructed, resting a hand on his shoulder to make it clear to him that she needed him to keep moving whether he wanted to or not. As stubborn as he was, Echo knew he wouldn’t risk her health or safety just for a chance to be difficult.

Johnny wasn’t happy about the idea of spending the night with his aunt. He understood her reasoning, but that didn’t make the idea any more appealing. He hated sleepovers, especially with _girls._ Okay, so that wasn’t really true. He didn’t mind sleepovers with little Echo and Birdie, or with baby Jordan when his parents weren’t there. This was different though. This wasn’t so much a sleepover as it was him being “babysat” because the adults didn’t trust him to be alone.

Which was dumb because he’d never actually done anything bad when he was alone. Cosmically speaking, that is. He’d never killed anyone while dropped and that should count for something, right? It’s not like he hurt himself either, except maybe his hands if he got mad enough to want to punch something. But they were _his_ hands so he should be allowed to bloody them if he wanted to. Being babysat was dumb and he grumbled the entire way towards Echo’s cabin.

Echo kept quiet while they walked, knowing the boy’s displeased noises were par for the course when dealing with a fourteen year old. If he _really_ didn’t want to spend the night in her cabin then he would say as much. Or at least she hoped he would say as much.

Once they reached her cabin Echo slung her arm around Johnny’s shoulders and leant into his side, needing the extra support to make it up the three steps leading onto her small porch. He obliged her without complaint, and together they shuffled into her infrequently used personal living space.

Everyone with the exception of Monty, Harper, and the kids had their own cabin to do with as they pleased. In the beginning most of them kept to themselves at night, but over the years they’d all gravitated towards their respective family groups. Murphy and Emori moved in together a few months after Praimfaya, followed by Raven a year later.

Clarke and Bellamy officially started sharing the largest of the personal cabins about two years after they’d first arrived in Eden. They’d needed to build an extension first so Madi could have her own room and the couple could have some privacy from the then eight year old. Echo started spending nights with them a year and change after that, but only when she was in her adult headspace.

When she was dropped she would insist one of them bring her back to her own cabin when it was time to go ‘night night’. Nine times out of ten that person was Bellamy, and he would always stay the night at her place to make sure she fell asleep okay and didn’t wake up with any nightmares.

At the time Echo honestly couldn’t say what her reasoning for this was, but they’d eventually figured it out when one evening Echo’s seven year old littleself declared herself tired and marched into Madi’s room, climbed into her sister’s kid sized bed and promptly fell asleep. Clarke and Madi had been away at the lake house that night so the girl’s room had been vacant and therefor up for grabs in little Echo’s eyes.

It wasn’t entirely intuitive, but Clarke eventually pieced together that Echo’s Littleself didn’t want to sleep in the same room that her adult self shared with them. It was different in her own personal cabin since they’d never been sexually intimate there. Clarke’s solution was to build her daughters a bunkbed so that Echo’s Littleself had somewhere to sleep that wasn’t associated with her adult self. At first Madi wasn’t happy with the idea of having to share her room, but when she’d been informed the top bunk was going to be hers she’d quickly changed her mind.

That had been almost two years ago and Echo had spent very few nights in her own cabin since then. She was honestly surprised to find a complete set of blankets and pillows on the bed, especially since she didn’t recognize them. They actually looked like a set Monty and Harper had, which was more than a little confusing. Had Harper snuck in and set up her cabin with the assumption she’d be spending the night there and not at the nursery?

“Freaking Bigs,” Johnny mumbled, answering Echo’s unspoken question for her.

“Think they can come into our cabins anytime they want just because they’re Bigs.” He pointed at the tray of foodstuffs on the small table opposite the bed. It was clearly set up within the last hour or so and contained not only Little Echo’s favorite snack food, but Johnny and Birdie’s favorites as well. There was also a sippy cup and a bottle next to a normal drinking cup.

“We go into their cabins whenever _we_ want,” Echo responded, though she didn’t really have the energy at that point to defend their friend’s actions. Besides, she knew Johnny would be grateful for Harper’s thoughtfulness when he got hungry in a few hours.

She started to pull her legs onto the bed when a painful cramp shot through her abdomen and she groaned, having forgotten about that in the chaos of the last hour or so. “I need to go change, please be here when I get back,” she informed the boy, slowly pushing herself back to her feet and then shuffling her way to the small washroom attached to the back of her cabin.

It wasn’t an actual bathroom since none of their cabins had a working plumbing system. Instead they used dedicated outhouses and showers for those things. The tiny room she now found herself in was more for privacy when changing, though apparently Harper had thought of everything since there was also a bowl of water and a rag sitting on the small bench along the wall. Next to the bowl were some prefolded sanitary cloths and a few of Raven’s diapers. It was abundantly clear that the Big had been expecting all three of the Littles to be spending the night there. Echo felt a little bit of satisfaction in knowing that Harper had only been 2/3rds right.

Back in the main room Johnny was sitting on the end of Echo’s bed, one of Birdie’s rag dolls gripped in his hands. He was inspecting it over for dirt or tears, knowing his little sister tended to chew on anything that fit in her mouth. Satisfied that it wasn’t in need of cleaning or repair he tossed it back into the pile of toys on the floor beneath the table.

At first he’d been annoyed at Harper for bringing some of their Little things there, but now he was annoyed she hadn’t thought to bring his remote control car. The Big clearly cared more about Raven having something to play with than she did about him, which, whatever. Harper could go walk off a cliff for all he cared.

 _Emori_ would have brought him his toy car, that’s for sure. He sniffled, rubbing at his nose with the back of his arm. He didn’t want to think about his mom right now, not while she was away and possibly in danger. He sniffled again, this time blinking back the tears that were now threatening to spill down his cheeks. Dammit! He didn’t want to cry! He was supposed to be angry right now, not sad!

“It’s alright J, I won’t tell anyone you got upset. You’re allowed to miss her when she’s not here,” Echo told him as she walked back into the main room.

Johnny shook his head and clenched his hands in his lap, desperately trying to hold it all back. “I’m not a baby, I don’t-- I shouldn’t--” he stammered, his voice breaking as his breaths grew shorter and more frantic.

Echo sighed as she sat down on the bed next to him. “Come on, let’s lay down. You’ll feel better after a nap,” she instructed, indicating he should move to the side closest to the wall.

He thought about protesting, not really wanting to nap just yet, but he could tell that Echo really needed to lay down. Dammit, he’d forgotten that she was sick! She should still be in the nursery with the doctor and Raven. It was _his_ fault she’d had to leave. It was _his_ fault she looked about to pass out. “‘m sorry,” he whimpered, kicking his shoes off and then climbing across the bed.

“Don’t be,” Echo responded, pulling back the blankets so they could both snuggle beneath them. “You saved my life today. This is me returning the favor.”

Johnny wrinkled his nose, not believing that he was responsible for saving Echo’s life. He remembered the actions of his adult counterpart just fine, he just didn’t think it was all that heroic sitting in two feet of water for an hour. It’s not like they’d been in the lake where there were monsters that could have drowned or eaten them. The pond was shallow enough that you could see the bottom even at its deepest point. There was nothing living in the pond that could harm them so really, he hadn’t been all that brave.

“Stop overthinking things and just close your eyes. You know how this works. The sooner you fall asleep, the sooner you wake up feeling better.” Echo wanted to add something about Emori possibly being back home when they woke up but even if the Bigs had taken the direct route through the desert there was no way they’d be back to Eden by the morning. It was at minimum eight hours there and eight hours back, plus however long it took to load everyone into the rovers.

“I’d fall asleep easier if Birdie were here too,” Johnny sighed, rolling onto his side so he was facing Echo. There was just enough space between them to fit their missing Little and he rested his hand on the bed where the girl’s heart would have been. He couldn’t have his mom right now, but his sister was still there in Eden.

What if Abby didn’t know to bring her there after they finished whatever it was they were doing? What if Abby thought she could take Birdie somewhere else for the night? Johnny understood that Abby was to Birdie what Emori was to him, but that didn’t mean she could take his baby sister from him! Not after being away for five years!

“I think Raven needed to spend some time with Abby,” Echo responded, reaching across the mattress and resting her hand on top of Johnny’s. He didn’t pull his back which she took as a sign that her attempt at comforting him was helping and not hurting. She would never be able to give him the same type of emotional relief as a Big simply because of how their biology worked, but it was definitely better then leaving him alone to comfort himself. Out of the three of them, Johnny was the worst at being able to self-soothe.

“She’s not allowed to take her away, right? Birdie was ours first so she gets to stay with us.” Johnny turned his head, rubbing his face into the pillow to wipe away the tears that were still threatening to fall.

“You’re right, it’s not up to Abby. But it’s not really up to you either. That’s a decision Raven’s going to have to make at some point. You’re her soulmate though, so I wouldn’t worry too much. Soulmate bonds are stronger than heartmate ones.” Echo didn’t know if that was true or not, but she understood he needed to believe it was.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m way more awesome than a stupid doctor, that’s for sure.”

Echo smiled at that, glad to see he was starting to calm down. “Definitely more awesome. Raven’s a lucky girl to have snatched you up.”

Johnny nodded in agreement, feeling a bit better now.

“Alright, I’m turning the light off now. Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning,” Echo told him, pulling herself up into a sitting position so she could reach the camp light on her nightstand. The room was small enough that it was the only source of light needed. “Try to leave me at least _some_ breakfast,” she added as an  afterthought, glancing towards the table of food as she fumbled for the switch on the lanturn.

“It won’t count as breaking a promise if big me eats it, right?” Johnny broke out into a grin at the same moment the lights went out.

Echo rolled her eyes as she settled back down, this time not leaving any space between her and her friend. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him against her, releasing her hold only when he began to wriggle, trying to turn onto his other side so they could properly spoon. “It _should_ still count, but I’d let it slide because I like you.”

There was a time when Johnny would have rolled his own eyes at such a statement, but he’d spent enough time with his aunt to know that she actually meant it. “You’re okay too. For a _girl,”_ he told her, grinning when he heard her laughing behind him. “I mean, you’re not as cool as Little E, but you’re definitely my favorite aunt.”

“That’s because I let you eat all my food,” Echo replied back, grinning as well. “Now go to sleep. It’s been a stressful day for all of us, but I promise it’ll be better in the morning.”

Johnny wanted to add another quip about promises, but before he could come up with one he felt his aunt’s body relax behind him as her breathing evened out. She’d already fallen asleep! “Night Auntie Echo,” he whispered, closing his own eyes in the hope sleep would come to him just as quickly.


	10. Chapter 10

Abby was torn as she watched Echo and Murphy leaving the nursery. She was a doctor and Echo was technically her patient, but she was also a Big and Raven was her Little. Or used to be her Little. But either way she wasn’t meant to put her personal life before her professional one. Raven wasn’t in danger of dying; Echo quite possibly was.

“She’ll be fine. She’s always fine,” Raven whispered, sensing Abby’s concern towards her departed friend. She wasn’t even looking at the woman yet she could _feel_ how badly Echo’s condition was affecting her. That was Abigail Griffin for you. Always putting others first. Unless of course her daughter was involved. All bets were off when Clarke’s life was on the line.

Raven wasn’t jealous of her heartmate’s relationship with her biological daughter, she just found it infuriating sometimes that the woman couldn’t see that Clarke didn’t actually need her mom to save her. The nightblood serum for instance. How many lives could have been saved if Abby had just let her daughter be tested? She’d had no problem putting grounders into the chamber, so her resolve clearly had nothing to do with morality, or her oath to ‘first, do no harm’.

“What about you? Are _you_ fine?” Abby asked in lieu of addressing her patient’s absence. She was standing on the opposite side of the bed the Little was still seated on and so could only see the back of her. Judging from the moderately slow rise and fall of her shoulders she wasn’t as close to dropping as she’d been a few moments ago. Which was good, but also a little concerning since Raven had clearly been on the verge of a panic drop.

“Can we not talk about it? Please? Not right now. Right now I need--”

“A distraction?” Abby finished for her, already knowing this trick. In fact, she was the one that had taught it to Raven in the first place. Years of being the only Big medical professional on the Ark meant having to develop ways to help keep Littles from dropping when they didn’t want to. It wasn’t always successful - in fact, it rarely ever _was_ successful - but that wasn’t really the point of the exercise. Littles liked to feel like they had control over their drops, even if in the end they mostly didn’t.

“Yeah,” Raven whispered in response, nodding her head rapidly as she felt a small tremor work its way through her body. Abby was too good at this Big stuff and she hated how that made her want to drop even more.

“Alright. Tell me more about your friend Echo’s condition. I don’t need to know more about her past or what happened to her; what I’ve heard already is enough to diagnose her with some variation of a seizure disorder.” Abby turned around and grabbed the chair she’d been sitting on and pulled it towards the foot of the bed. She really wanted to go all the way around so she could look Raven in the eyes but she understood that might not be the best idea if they were trying to keep her from dropping.

Raven sighed in relief at the question. She’d been afraid Abby would ask her something personal, or perhaps something about Clarke. Echo had given them permission to tell Abby about herself. Clarke hadn’t.

“She’s had seizures all her life. Small ones though, absence seizures. She didn’t know she was having them until a few years ago when I started having them too and she recognized one of the side effects,” Raven bit her lip, expecting Abby to react badly to the idea that she was still having seizures. She could feel the emotions welling up inside the Big, but the outburst she would have expected never actually came.

Turning a little in her spot on the bed, Raven was surprised to see Abby staring at the floor and not at her. She really was trying her best not to lead her into a drop and that fact alone helped push her further from the edge.

“What kind of side effect? The heat intolerance?” Abby asked carefully, making sure to take slow and even breaths as she clenched and unclenched her hands at her sides. She was dying inside at the thought that her baby girl was still sick, but she owed Raven the courtesy of not making this about herself.

Raven turned fully in her seat now, pulling her legs onto the mattress and stretching her bad one out in front of her. The blanket was still draped over her thighs and she began to pick at one of its frayed edges. “No, the heat thing is something else. The seizures effect her drops. We think the experiments were targeting the areas of her brain that regulate or control them.” Raven tugged on a loose thread, frowning when it got snagged and wouldn’t pull completely free.

Abby remained silent for a few moments, wanting to see if Raven would continue on her own. She had so many questions she wanted to ask but she didn’t want to overwhelm the girl. Besides, this discussion wasn’t meant to be about Raven, yet that’s all Abby could think about.

“I’m not like her, not really. It doesn’t effect me very often, and when it does it’s nothing like how it affects her,” Raven eventually continued, her attention still hyper focused on the stubborn thread.

“Raven, you need to be more specific. What are we talking about here? How do the seizures effect your-- _her_ drops?” Abby corrected herself at the last second.

“She uh, she can do this thing, in her head. You know how Littles have a fixed age that we always regress to? Echo doesn’t have that. She never did. She can drop to whatever age she wants to, or needs to, at the time.” Raven finally managed to yank the thread free from it’s knot and she stared at the torn fiber in her hand triumphantly. She then tilted her hand and watched as it drifted slowly to the floor, eventually disappearing as it blended in with the rest of the dirt on the rug.

Abby kept herself quiet and composed for nearly thirty seconds, surprising herself with her level of control. The implications were that Raven also had this issue and it tore at her insides to think of her baby girl going through something like that without her. There was another part of her though, the medical professional, that wasn’t quite sure it agreed with Raven’s assessment of what was actually happening inside of her head. Multiple Little ages was completely unheard of in the medical community and the idea that such a thing could exist both confused and terrified her.

“Are you uh-- Are you sure that’s actually what’s happening?” Abby asked as she watched Raven start to pull at another thread in her blanket. “There are certain diseases that could resemble what you’re describing.”

“You mean like a mental illness?” Raven asked, narrowing her eyes as she glanced up from her blanket to look across at Abby. Their eyes met briefly before she looked away again. “Forgetting for the moment that I can do it too, it’s definitely a result of what they did to her brain. She started dropping around the time Roan rescued her, which means her Little puberty came well before her reproductive one. It’s not psychological, Abby, it’s physiological. Biochemical. Her brain was damaged by what they did.”

“Then what about you, Raven? You weren’t experimented on the way that she was. Your brain may have been damaged from Alie’s chip but it wasn’t _targeted_ damage. It’s too much of a coincidence that you’d both have the same exact neurological side effect when you two suffered extremely different injuries. Psychological trauma, however, can--”

“It’s _not_ PTSD Abby. Trust me on this. _Please.”_ Raven looked imploringly at the Big, her heart rate increasing as her panic once again began to rise. She couldn’t continue this conversation without potentially revealing the biggest secret she’d ever had the displeasure of needing to keep from someone.

Echo could never find out what she knew about the men who’d experimented on her; how they were some of Alie’s first chipped followers. Due to her previous possession by the AI, Raven knew _exactly_ what those men had achieved within Echo’s brain, but the truth of this reveal would absolutely shatter her friend and Raven just couldn’t do that to her. It would destroy Echo to learn that she might not actually be a Little.

“Alright, I believe you, it’s not PTSD,” Abby spoke slowly, watching with growing concern as the girl seemed to be spiraling back down towards a drop. This area of discussion was clearly an emotional landmine for her heartmate, and even though she desperately wanted to find out more about this issue, particularly how it affected Raven, Abby instead decided to change the subject. “Tell me about Echo’s heat intolerance. What I saw in the rover earlier today was more than just normal heat exhaustion.”

Raven felt her head growing fuzzy and she gripped tightly to the blanket in her lap. She could hear Abby’s new question and desperately latched onto the Big’s words as if they were a life preserver and she were drowning at sea. She didn’t want to go under right now. She couldn’t drop around Abby until they figured out what had happened to their bond.

“That uh… That’s…” Raven felt her words starting to slur and she shook her head rapidly, hoping to snap herself out of the unwelcomed descent.

“Raven, I need to know about Echo’s heat intolerance if I’m going to successfully treat her. Your friend’s health is on the line, I need you to stay with me for her sake.” Abby felt like a complete asshole putting that kind of pressure on the Little, but if the goal was to keep Raven from dropping then giving her a potentially life or death issue to focus on was the best way to go about doing it. Abby didn’t actually believe Echo was in danger of dying, at least not at the present moment.

“The uh… the heat… thing… yeah…” Raven shook her head again, this time gripping her temples instead of the blanket. Echo’s heat intolerance. She had to tell Abby about Echo’s heat intolerance. Her friend might die if she didn’t stay awake.

The room grew quiet as Raven battled the unseen forces inside her head, the ones trying to drag her down into the abyss. Normally she went with them willingly and so the process of dropping was usually fast and not at all unpleasant. Fighting against her body’s natural instinct to let go was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do.

_Echo’s in danger. Echo’s in danger. Echo’s in danger._

Raven kept up the mental mantra until eventually she felt the process begin to reverse and instead of being pulled down she was being pushed back up. All Little’s had the ability to snap out of a drop when a real life or death situation was presented to them, but that ability didn’t typically extend to a hypothetical situation. Echo wasn’t actually dying in front of her eyes, but the _idea_ of Echo dying was somehow enough to trigger the reversal.

Abby could sense the “switch” the moment it happened and quickly let out the breath she’d been holding. She’d had no idea if her lie would be enough to bring Raven out of the drop and was actually rather impressed with the Littles control over the process. In all her years interacting with Littles Abby had only known one other to be able to circumvent a drop like that and she shuddered involuntarily at the thought of Blodreina.

Now was not the time to dwell on those particular mistakes. Abby had a lot to atone for and hopefully she’d get the chance to do so in the near future, but right now she needed to focus on the Little actually sitting before her and not the one still back in Polis.

“Raven, earlier you’d said the heat intolerance was caused by something else, what did you mean by that?” Abby asked once the energy in the room settled back down.

“ARS,” Raven responded, frowning deeply as her head began to throb. It was an unfortunate side effect of rapidly exiting a drop.

Now it was Abby’s turn to frown. “Acute Radiation Syndrome? From Praimfaya? I thought the nightblood serum kept you safe from the radiation?” The news that this might not be the case was more than a little alarming. If Echo had negative side effects then it stood to reason that the others did too.

“It _did_ work for those of us that actually took it,” Raven explained as she rubbed at her temples, hoping to lessen the pounding in her head. After a few moments she gave up and let her hands drop into her lap. “When Clarke learned that Echo hated needles she gave her the syringe so she could inject herself in private. According to our calculations it would take our bodies nearly two weeks to begin making nightblood on it’s own. We’d had just enough food to survive in Murphy’s bunker for three weeks.”

Abby felt her heart sink in her chest at Echo’s self destructive inaction. Admittedly she’d never been a fan of the Azgedan spy but she certainly hadn’t wanted the girl to try and kill herself. “At what point did you discover she hadn’t taken it?”

Raven winced at the memory that resurfaced in response to the question. “The day before we were going to open up the bunker door. We were finishing up the last bit of packing when she’d cut her hand on something and began to bleed. Murphy noticed that her blood was still red and he freaked the fuck out on her. We’d all been cutting different areas of our bodies every few days to check to see if the nightblood was being created. Echo had always opted out of these ‘self checkups’, but we’d just assumed it was because of her dislike of medical procedures.”

“So what did you do? You’d said you only had enough food for another week.” Abby already knew what they had done, she just didn’t know how Echo hadn’t died as soon as they’d opened the door.

Raven fidgeted on the bed, once more picking at the edges of the blanket in her lap. She hated thinking about those first few weeks after Praimfaya hit. “Murphy and Bellamy held her down while Monty and I collected some marrow from Clarke. We didn’t have the same equipment that you did in Becca’s lab so it was less than delicately done, if you know what I mean.”

Raven was still amazed to this day that Clarke hasn’t screamed when they’d drilled into her hip. She’d clearly wanted to though. Raven knew from personal experience how painful the procedure was. “Anyway, Echo dropped while they were trying to inject her and it was just awful, Abby. Echo has an infant Littleself and she’d just laid there on the floor crying after they had finished. None of the Bigs tried to comfort her because everyone was still so angry at what she’d done.”

Abby couldn’t fathom the thought of denying a Little comfort when they needed it. As angry as she’d sometimes been at Octavia over the years she would never have ignored her if she were dropped and upset. “Not even Bellamy? He’s her _heartmate._ Even if they weren’t bonded at the time there would have been an inescapable pull towards her.”

Raven knew she’d never be able to explain what emotionally went on in the bunker during those weeks, or how betrayed they’d all felt when they’d learned what Echo had done. “He was taking care of Clarke,” she eventually responded, shrugging one of her shoulders. “Murphy’s the one who broke first. After almost ten minutes of her crying he suddenly went for her and we all honestly thought he was going to kill her.”

“And did any of you try to stop him?” Abby was actually growing angry at the group now, particularly the Bigs. She wanted to believe though that her daughter was in too much pain from the marrow extraction and that’s why she hadn’t helped Echo herself.

“None of us were close enough to get between them,” Raven explained rather sheepishly. It wasn’t an excuse and she knew it. Most of them had had some beef or other with the grounder prior to being locked in with her. Echo had played a huge part in the Mountain being blown up. She’d been responsible for Gina’s death and had almost been responsible for Octavia’s. Thinking back on it now Raven was so incredibly ashamed of herself for wishing Murphy would be successful in killing Echo.

“Well he obviously didn’t kill her, but if none of you stopped him what did?”

“His heart,” Raven replied without missing a beat. “We were wrong in thinking he was going to end her life. All he’d wanted was for her to stop crying.”

“Wait a second, he _comforted_ her?” Abby asked, not even trying to mask her surprise at the unexpected turn of events. Out of the entire group John Murphy was the _last_ person she’d have expected to show the grounder compassion. Then again he’d stolen medicine to try and save a dying Floukru child so maybe it wasn’t entirely out of character.

Raven sighed as she nodded. She understood exactly what was going on in Abby's head right now. “He sat down on the floor and pulled her into his lap. It didn’t take very long for her to quiet down once he’d started rocking her. She eventually fell asleep in his arms and he stayed there with her until she woke up again, adult this time.”

“Jesus, Raven,” Abby breathed out, unsure what else there was to say.

“Yeah,” Raven quietly agreed, her mind drifting off a little at the thought of her soulmate. They’d known they were soulmates since the moment they’d met, but it still took years for them to get over their past hurts and finally accept and embrace their bond. Seeing him comfort Echo like that had been the start of that process for her.

“I’m assuming Echo still got sick? Even with the marrow?” Abby asked after a few minutes. She was admittedly curious about the rest of the story.

Raven nodded once again. “We stayed in the bunker another four days before opening the door. We didn’t know how long it would be until we found another food source, if there was even one to be found. We couldn’t wait until we were entirely out of rations to start searching.”

Abby understood and agreed with the decision, as hard as it must have been for them to make.

“She started getting sick immediately after we broke the seal on the door. Clarke, Bellamy, and Monty left to try and find the rover while the rest of us stayed with her, watching as she got progressively worse. It was bad, Abby. This wasn’t the small amounts of radiation we experienced before Praimfaya, this was full blown nuclear winter. By the time the others got back Echo had already passed out.”

Raven rubbed her face at the memories of seeing the girl so sick. Echo’s entire body had been covered in raw, open blisters and her hair had begun to break and fall out. She was honestly still shocked that Echo’s skin had eventually been able to heal itself with the amount of damage it had sustained.

“How did she survive?” Abby asked when Raven didn’t continue on her own.

“Before returning to the bunker with the rover Clarke insisted they stop at what was left of Becca’s lab. She somehow managed to scrounge up enough medical equipment to replicate the procedure from Mount Weather. When they got back she immediately hooked herself up to Echo and began to filter her irradiated blood through her own body.”

Abby was both horrified and impressed with her daughter’s ingenuity. Surely the amount of radiation Clarke had taking in was greater than what her body could handle, even with the nightblood. “And that worked?” she asked in lieu of expressing her concern. Clearly her daughter was fine, and for the most part so was Echo.

“It did, but it was absolute hell on all of our bodies. We unanimously agreed to take it in shifts being hooked up to her, but never for more than an hour at a time. One hour on, six hours off to recover. Clarke and Bellamy suffered the worst though since they’d been the first two to volunteer and Echo’s blood had been extremely bad in the beginning.”

“I’m pretty sure Echo had it worse,” Abby couldn’t help but throw in as her concern for her daughter started growing once again. Maybe Clarke _did_ have long term side effects from the radiation. Echo’s heat intolerance wasn’t something you could diagnose from simply looking at her.

Raven shook her head at this and let out an amused breath of air. “Girl was unconscious the whole time. We kept the transfusions going for two weeks even though she’d begun making her own nightblood a week after we started. Despite this she didn’t wake up for almost a month after the transfusions stopped. By then we’d already found Eden and had created a temporary medical center for her. It was actually this cabin, now that I think about it.”

Abby couldn’t help but look around the small space, trying to imagine how it must have looked only weeks after Praimfaya. And now that she was thinking about it, how had this valley survived the wave of fire? Polis had been absolutely decimated and she was pretty certain there hadn’t been a desert surrounding the city five years ago.

“It took a few months for her skin to fully heal and almost a year for her hair to begin growing back, but she’s pretty much healthy now. Except for the heat thing, I mean. We don’t know if that’ll ever go away. Extreme cold affects her too but thankfully the winters are a lot milder now, at least according to her and Emori.” Raven bit her lip as she watched Abby inspecting the room. She wasn’t sure the woman was even listening to her now.

“Echo knows better than to drive through the desert but she did it anyway to save you guys. To save Gaia. I know she did a lot of messed up things in the past but--”

“Raven, it’s okay. You don’t have to defend her. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of,” Abby cut her off, fixing her attention on the Little once again. She caught Raven’s eyes for a brief moment before looking down at the floor. How could she look her baby girl in the eye after all the horrible things she’d done? Or more accurately, forced others to do because she was too weak to do them herself. The dark year still haunted her even two years on. She was a god-damn _monster_ for what she’d done to Octavia.

“Abby? What is it?” Raven could see something dark passing over the Big’s face and she sat up a little straighter in concern. If she’d had her brace on she would have gotten off the bed and walked over to her.

“Raven I--” Abby faltered, her words catching in her throat. How could she explain what had gone down in the bunker? How could she explain what she’d forced others to do in order to survive? But more than that, how could she even think to put that burden onto someone else? No. She wouldn’t do that to Raven. She wouldn’t do that to her baby girl. “I can’t talk about it,” she settled on responding, unaware that she’d begun to cry until she felt her cheeks growing damp.

To hell with it. Raven pushed the blanket off her legs and slowly swung them off the side of the mattress. She had to get to her heartmate, even if she had to crawl on her hands and knees to do it. Luckily Abby’s chair was close enough to the edge of the bed that she was able to use the mattress to balance most of the way there. The last few feet she simply hopped on her good leg, her arms thrown out at her sides in a desperate attempt to keep her balance.

Abby hadn’t noticed Raven moving until the girl practically fell into her lap. “Wah?” she gasped, surprised by the Little’s sudden appearance, but not at all displeased. In fact, an armful of warm and cuddly toddler was _exactly_ what she needed in that moment.

Raven knew this which is why she finally allowed herself to drop the moment Abby’s arms circled around her. To heck with all the worrying. She didn’t care anymore. Abby was still her Momma even if they weren’t bonded. Closing her eyes tightly, Raven at long last welcomed the fall into the abyss.

Tumbling out the other end of the mental worm hole was always a little jarring, but only for a moment depending on who was around when she ‘woke up’. Raven liked when Mama Mori was there when she opened her eyes. Mama Mori always had lots of kisses and cuddles to give her. And sometimes yummy snacks when her big brother allowed it.

Raven’s tummy was funny sometimes and certain foods made her feel icky and gross. Johnny always knew what her tummy could handle and so was usually in charge of feeding her. She wasn’t very hungry right now though, which was good since she didn’t think her brother was around. At least she didn’t feel him in her chest like she usually did, all warm and tingly like Harper’s special leaf juice.

“Baby girl?”

Raven lifted her head up, unaware she had tucked it against someone’s neck until she felt their soft voice whispering behind her ear.

Wait a second. She knew that voice. That was her Momma’s voice! “Mommy?” she asked, blinking her eyes repeatedly to make sure she wasn’t seeing make believe people. She didn’t think her Momma was make believe, but her head didn’t feel as happy as it always did when her Momma was there. Why wasn’t her head warm and fuzzy? Maybe her Momma _was_ make believe?

“Oh honey, yes, it’s me, it’s your Momma,” Abby gave up trying to hold back her tears and simply let them fall as she stared across at the confused Little. Raven was looking at her as if she didn’t believe she were real. She may not have been two years old herself but Abby could definitely understand the feeling of disbelief at seeing her heartmate again after so long.

This wasn’t how she’d imagined their reunion to happen though, especially since Raven had made it clear she didn’t want to drop around her just yet. In truth, Abby hadn’t really wanted Raven to drop either, not until they’d figured out what had happened to their bond. Was it really broken? Or was it just suppressed after nearly five years of being apart?

Sadly the longer Abby stared at the Little in her lap the more certain she was that the bond was no longer there. She still felt drawn to the toddler in a way she’d never felt towards another Little, so clearly they were still matched on a spiritual level, but the actual connection they’d forged after escaping Mount Weather didn’t seem to exist. It didn’t feel forcibly broken though, just somehow reset? Was that even possible? Humans weren’t computers; you couldn’t just restore them to factory settings, right?

Or could you? Wasn’t that something Raven had said on the radio before Praimfaya hit? When she’d given her instructions on the ice bath to help stop Alie’s chip from damaging her brain. Not that Abby had ever confirmed to the girl that she’d been suffering the same side effects from the chips improper removal. Still, with Jackson’s help she’d followed Raven’s instructions to the letter, lowering her body’s temperature until her heart and brain activity temporarily stopped.

It had worked resetting the damage the chip had done, but could it also have reset her bond with Raven? Her bond with Marcus hadn’t been effected, but perhaps that was simply because he hadn’t gone through the factory reset himself? Maybe both parties had to reboot in order for the bond to disappear? It made sense when she truly thought about it, which meant she _hadn’t_ lost her baby girl forever. She’d simply been given a second chance to bond with her!

“Oh my dear sweet girl, everything will be alright now, I promise,” Abby reassured, reaching out and cupping the unnervingly quiet Little’s cheeks.

Raven had been on the verge of crying for the past minute or so, her attention hyper focused on the varying facial expressions the Big had been making. She could tell her Momma was doing some ‘important thinking’ in her head and she didn’t want to interrupt her incase her Momma got mad.

Not that she ever got mad at her when she was Little, but sometimes Raven still felt the sadness and hurt that her grownup self felt. She may not have had clear memories of what had _physically_ happened, but she had emotional memories of the incidents and that was just as bad. Or good. Sometimes the emotional memories were good.

“Momma sad?” Raven asked, her lower lip quivering as she continued to fight against the urge to cry.

Abby was quick to shake her head. “No sweetheart, Momma’s not sad. These are happy tears. You remember happy tears?”

Raven nodded her head slowly, still a little skeptical. Sometimes the made up people cried when they talked to her. The real Papa Sinclair had never cried around her which was how she knew he was made up now. Momma used to cry at times before the Big Fire. Sometimes sad tears, but also happy tears too. Raven did remember happy tears, like the time Abby said she would be her Momma _forever and ever._

Reaching out tentatively, Raven placed her palm on Abby’s chest where she’d been taught her heart is. “Happy in here?” she asked, sniffling a little. She was still upset, but not as much now. If her Momma was happy then she wanted to be happy too.

Abby all but melted inside as her little girl pressed her hand over her heart. Mimicking the gesture, she placed her own hand on Raven’s chest. “Yes my love, happy in my heart. That’s why we’re called heartmates, because we make each other’s hearts happy. Do you remember that? Do you remember our bond?” She knew it wasn’t entirely fair to ask the two year old that question, but she couldn’t help but be curious if Little Raven was experiencing the same thing her adult self was.

Raven patted Abby’s heart with her palm and then patted the top of the woman’s hand that was covering her own heart. She didn’t know what a bond was but she definitely remembered that Abby made her heart happy. Even more happy than she felt right now, which was confusing and kind of sad. Had she been bad and that’s why the happy wasn’t as strong? “I love you Momma,” she announced, hoping that would make the happy bigger again.

Abby knew what Raven was trying to do and she felt like the world’s worst Big when she didn’t immediately reply back. Her little girl was subconsciously trying to initiate the bond and she couldn’t let that happen just yet. She had to talk to Raven’s adult self first to make sure this was something she still wanted. As heartbreaking as it would literally be, Abby _would_ walk away if that’s what Raven wanted her to do.

“Honey, I love you too. I will always love you, but I think it’s time we headed to bed now. Momma has been awake for a really long time and she really needs to talk to your other self in the morning, okay?” Abby pulled her hand away from Raven’s chest, hoping the reassuring look she was giving the girl would be enough to distract her from the disengagement. Abby honestly didn’t know how cognizant the two year old was to what was going on inside her body. Could she tell that they had been on the verge of bonding and that Abby had willingly chosen to stop the process?

Raven was too focused on the idea of a naptime with her Momma to really pay attention to the empty feeling inside her chest. “Cuddles?” she asked, raising her eyebrows hopefully. It had been so long since she’d had proper Momma cuddles and she couldn’t stop the grin that broke out across her face at the thought. Mama Mori and her aunties liked to cuddle as well but it wasn’t the same as when her Momma used to do it with her.

Abby’s own face lit up with delight at the enthusiasm in the girl. “Of course baby girl! What’s naptime without lots and lots of cuddles?” She pulled the Little against her chest, hugging her tightly as a few more happy tears made their way down her cheeks. “We’re going to have soooo many cuddles, you and I. Momma’s never going to leave you ever again.”

“‘Kay,” Raven sighed happily as she snuggled her face against Abby’s neck. She was already starting to feel tired at the mere prospect of a nap and she let out a loud, drawn out yawn. She could hear and feel her Momma laughing and she started to giggle as well.

“Oh my, you’re a tired little bed bug aren’t you?” Abby asked, falling so easily back into the role of caretaker.

She’d rarely gotten the chance to do this in the bunker. The only Little’s she’d been in regular contact with had their own heartmates to perform these actions with. Not that it would have been the same as doing them with Raven, but as a Big Abby had an innate biological need to care for Littles. Not being able to fulfil that need had eventually taken its toll on her psyche. Not that it excused any of her actions or behaviors, particularly during and directly after the dark year.

“Momma _cuddle,”_ Raven insisted when the Big seemed to freeze and tense up. Her big brother did that sometimes and she knew the best way to make him relax was to snuggle him until he let go over the bad stuff in his head.

Abby whimpered at the affection. She didn’t deserve Raven. Deep down she knew in her heart that the girl deserved better than her for a heartmate. But that was a discussion for another time. Right now they both needed the comfort the other could provide. The rest they could talk about in the morning.

“Alright baby. Momma’s gonna pick you up and carry you to the bed, alright?” When Abby felt a tiny nod against her shoulder she shifting her weight forward and hoisted the two of them upwards. She waited for Raven to wrap her good leg around her hip and then gently took ahold of the girl’s damaged one, carefully bending her limb at the knee and moving it into place. She had to keep a grip beneath Raven’s thigh in order for it to stay there but that was alright. They’d learned to make this work years ago.

Abby made her way towards the bed and then slowly set the toddler back onto the mattress she’d previously been sitting. “Stay right here sweetheart, I’m going to turn out the lights,” she instructed softly, though quickly changed her mind when she saw the fear flash across the Little’s face. “You want the lights on?” she asked, smiling in acknowledgement when Raven nodded her head. “Okay, we’ll leave them on. Can you to scoot over so Momma can get on the bed with you?”

Raven wriggled her way across the mattress, her bad leg even more useless when she was dropped. “Cuddles?” she asked once she was at the far edge. Without waiting for a response she flopped onto her back and raised her arms upwards in expectation.

“So impatient,” Abby laughed as she kicked her shoes off and climbed onto the bed next to her little girl. It wasn’t built for two adults to lay side by side comfortably but that was alright. She’d give up her body’s physical comfort for emotional comfort any day. Laying down she reached her own arms out and tugged Raven closer, helping the girl to snuggle up against her chest.

The two laid like that in each others arms for a good thirty seconds before Abby felt capable of talking without breaking out into sobs. “Momma loves you so much, and she’s going to be here for you from now on,” she explained. In her head she added ‘no matter what your other half decides’, because even if adult Raven chose not to bond with her again she’d still always be there for her as a friend.

Raven hummed happily, content to finally be in her Momma’s arms once again. “Love you too Momma,” she whispered, her sentence followed up by another loud and dramatic yawn. She giggled once again and then closed her eyes, tucking her face against Abby’s chest. “Reshop, nomi.”

Abby cradled Raven to her chest as a few more tears drifted down her cheeks. Thankfully her intense physical and emotional exhaustion kept her from progressing any further than that. She’d have herself a much needed cry in the morning, hopefully after Raven agreed to bond with her once again. Right now though she needed to sleep. It had been a long day. It had been a long four and a half _years._ Everything else could wait for the morning.

“Reshop, fyucha,” she whispered into the top of Raven’s head, pressing a kiss to the girl’s hair when she made a happy sounding whimper in response. “Now go to sleep, my love. Momma will be here when you wake up.”

“‘Kay,” Raven whispered, sighing in contentment once more before eagerly drifting off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

“I thought you gave up spying?” Clarke asked, smirking as she walked up beside Echo and sat down on the log next to her. She’d been walking around camp for the past few hours making sure everyone from the bunker was settling into Eden nicely. Or as nicely as one could after having survived what amounted to a second apocalypse. Even though she didn’t know the full story behind  _ why _ the bunker had collapsed, the outcome was still the same. A lot of people had just recently died.

“I’ll give up spying when you give up worrying about everyone and everything,” Echo replied, matching her friend’s smirk. She then bumped Clarke’s shoulder with her own, laughing when the girl bumped her back, twice as hard. It had taken  _ years _ for them to become this casually intimate with each other and a part of Echo had been nervous that that would change with the expansion of their population.

“I don’t worry about  _ everything,” _ Clarke defended herself, doing her best to sound affronted at the accusation. “For instance, I’m not at all worried that my girlfriend almost died two days ago.” 

Echo sighed, hanging her head in silent defeat. She’d been hoping that neither of her overprotective lovers would mention the incident in the desert, but honestly, she was a fool to think it would never be brought up. “You lose a coin toss or something?” she asked, trying desperately to make light of their impending talk. 

Clarke shook her head, glancing down at the dimly lit dirt beneath her feet. They were sitting at the very outskirts of the bonfire, their figures mostly hidden from view of those sitting closer to the activities. “Bellamy’s a bit preoccupied at the moment.” She hated that she sounded jealous. Of  _ course _ he would want to spend as much time with his sister as he could. 

“Preoccupied? With what? Octavia won’t let him within five feet of her, and I’m pretty sure that one with the beard will stab him if he tries to hug her one more time.” Okay, so maybe she  _ had _ been spying just a little. But could you blame her? A group of former enemies had just moved into her home. Though she wasn’t worried so much about Octavia as she was about Indra. She may have saved her daughter’s life but that didn’t mean she could let her guard down around her. 

“His name’s Miller. He was one of the original hundred that got sent down to earth. I can’t believe there’s only four of us left now.” Clarke closed her eyes a moment, desperately trying not to think about those who had died. She didn’t want to go down that emotionally draining road right now. 

Echo may not have been the best at math but she knew how to count to five. She clenched one of her hands into a ball and then silently listed off the names on each of her fingers. Clarke. Octavia. Murphy. Bellamy. Miller. That was definitely five. 

Clarke watched what Echo was doing out of the corner of her eye, smiling to herself when the girl got to five, shook her head, and started counting again. “Your math is fine, E. I just don’t consider Bellamy one of the original hundred since he was a stowaway and not technically supposed to be there. He’d have also upped the count to a hundred and one. Besides, if I added him I’d have to add Raven as well. She was with us almost from the beginning even though she came down on a separate ship.”

Echo had heard the story a few hundred times by now, how Clarke’s mom had sacrificed herself to give Raven a better shot at reaching the ground. She hadn’t known the two were heartmates though, not until just recently. “How’s Murphy holding up?” Echo asked, having yet to see him at the festivities. 

“He volunteered for Jordan duty so Harper and Monty could come to the celebration. I think he said something about there being too much noise and activity for a baby and that they should be able to attend the party without having to worry about their son.” Clarke explained, glancing around the campfire to see if she could spot the couple in question. She couldn’t find them. “Huh, they were here not that long ago. Maybe they got bored and went home early?”

Echo couldn’t stop the laughter that erupted. “Seriously? You’d make a  _ terribly _ spy. They ran off about ten minutes ago in the opposite direction of their cabin. They’re probably doing it in the woods like horny rabbits or something.”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to laugh. “Horny rabbits? Is that another Murphy-ism?” 

Echo bumped Clarke’s shoulder once again. “Hey, not every dirty phrase I know comes from Murphy. Us grounders may have been primitive compared to your standards but we knew how to have a good time.”

“And having sex on the forest floor like animals is having a good time?”

“Yep,” Echo replied, making sure the pop the ‘p’ in her one word response. “Just because  _ you _ prefer a bedroll and a torchlight doesn’t mean it can’t be fun without those things.” She raised and lowered one of her eyebrows suggestively, an action she  _ did _ learn from Murphy. 

Clarke rolled her eyes and scrunched up her nose. “I would rather just control my hormones until a more appropriate time thank you very much.”

Echo let out an amused breath. “I know you would. That’s why Bellamy and I always wait until we get to camp to jump you. Though just because we haven’t done it doesn’t mean we don’t like to fantasize about doing it.” Echo couldn’t help but add that last part, greatly enjoying the scandalized expression Clarke was now giving her. 

“You two talk about fucking me in the dirt?  _ Gross.” _ Clarke was simply playing along now, already aware the other two shared sexual fantasies with each other. It was a little surprising however to learn that she was sometimes a part of those fantasies. Just because they often shared a bed as a threesome didn’t mean they were  _ only _ ever a threesome. 

“In the dirt, the mud, the snow - if we still had snow,” Echo teased, counting off on her fingers once again. 

“You’d die if we fucked in the snow,” Clarke countered, narrowing her eyes at her lover challengingly.

“Possibly. It would be worth it, though,” Echo grinned cheekily in response. 

Clarke sighed and pursed her lips. She had to get around to saying it eventually. “Was driving through the desert worth it?”

Echo deflated, her good mood now gone. She hated having these kinds of talks with Clarke because she always ended up crying or dropping. At least with Bellamy she was sometimes able to delay the conversation if she pouted hard enough. Clarke wasn’t her heartmate so wasn’t as affected when she pulled stunts like that. Bellamy had an instinctive desire not to upset her, even if it meant backing off on important topics such as her doing something stupid and almost dying. 

“You tell me. You were going to be a doctor on the Ark, right? Would Gaia have died if I’d taken the long way home?” 

Clarke didn’t know how to answer that. According to her mom the grounder might still end up dying from her injuries, but most certainly would have died if not for Echo’s shortcut. On the one hand she was proud of her friend for risking her life for another, but on the other hand she was terrified of the thought of losing her. 

“I’ll take your lack of an answer as a ‘yes’,” Echo replied after a few moments of silence. “You guys risked your lives to save mine, why can’t I do the same?” She couldn’t help the petulance that laced her voice. She felt incredibly small, like she were in one of her Little mindsets without actually being dropped. She really disliked feeling this way since it tended to blur what should have been a clearly visible line between her states of consciousness. 

It wasn’t that she suddenly saw Clarke as her mother, but she very much felt like a disobedient child being scolded by a disapproving parental figure. Bellamy never made her feel this way. Only Clarke did, and occasionally Harper. 

“That was different. The transfusions wouldn’t have killed us.”

“You didn’t know that at the time.”

Clarke sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingertips. It was a gesture she’d picked up from her soulmate over the years; one that always seemed appropriate when dealing with a difficult Little, or in some cases, child. “We  _ did _ know that,” she replied quietly. “And even if we didn’t, it’s still not the same thing.” 

Echo still didn’t agree and she shook her head stubbornly. “Why though? Because Bellamy and I were destined to be heartmates? He couldn’t even look me in the eyes back then.” She sighed and leant forward over her knees, hugging her arms around her chest. She was starting to shiver from both the cold night air and her scattered emotions. “Saving Gaia was important because she’s important to Indra and Indra is important to Octavia and Octavia is your family.”

_“You’re_ my family, Echo,” Clarke insisted, turning in her seat so she could stare at the side of her friend’s face. “Of course Octavia’s extended family is important to us, but nowhere near as important as you are. You’re our girlfriend, E. And you’re our Little. You’re Bellamy’s _heartmate._ How could you think your life meant less to us than someone we’ve barely even met?”

Echo was shaking now, a few tears escaping her closed eyelids and dripping down her cheeks. “So I should have let her die? Is that what you’re saying?” She didn’t want to address what her friend was actually saying. She’d most certainly drop if she did. 

“What? No, that’s not what I’m saying. You did a good thing; a heroic thing. We’re  _ proud _ of you for saving Gaia’s life. Bellamy and I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t do it because you valued your own life less than a strangers. And that this wasn’t another attempt to take yourself out of the equation before you got hurt.”

“I wasn’t--” Echo bit her lip, halting her automatic denial of the accusation. She hung her head lower, resting her forehead on her knees. She honestly hadn’t considered that as a reason behind what she’d done. Even if it wasn’t consciously what she’d been thinking, maybe it was a part of the reason underneath it all? Was she scared of them leaving her now that their “real” family was back?

Clarke knew Echo didn’t like being touched unexpectedly but she couldn’t hold back the urge to move closer and wrap an arm around the slumped Little’s body. “I know it’s still hard for you to accept it sometimes, but we do love you. Not just Bellamy and I, but all of us. You’re Bloodkru - Seingedakru. That’s not going to change now that others are around, I promise.”

Echo sniffled, rubbing her nose against her arm. “‘Kay,” she replied, resorting to her favorite single word response. 

Clarke began stroking her hand up and down Echo’s spine through her shirt. “Besides, Bellamy or myself should have realized it wasn’t a good idea to send you back with the injured. If we’d been thinking clearly at the time we would have foreseen the dilemma you ended up in. I’m sorry for that.”

“Wait, you’re sorry for not predicting a future where I almost get my dumb ass killed?”

_ “Hey, _ none of that. I know that’s a Murphy expression but I don’t want to hear it coming from your lips. You are not dumb, Echo.” Clarke reached around the girl’s shoulders and tugged her close against her side. “I know you don’t like me mothering you when you’re not dropped but talking negatively about yourself is something I won’t stand for.” 

Echo was tempted to crack another joke to relieve the tension but honestly she was just so relieved that Clarke wasn’t mad at her for what she’d done. Instead she simply leaned her body further against her friend, accepting the comforting words and hug without argument or complaint. 

“And yes, I’m sorry for not being omniscient. It should be easy with you: leave you alone for ten minutes and you’ve probably gotten yourself trapped in a cave or something.” Clarke knew she was potentially treading in deep waters with that comment but it didn’t make her words any less true. Echo had a tendency to act recklessly where her emotions were concerned.

“Ouch. Really, Clarke? I seem to recall you almost dying alongside me in that cave.” Echo wasn’t annoyed Clarke mentioned the cave since she’d honestly been expecting it to come up at some point in their conversation. The cave  _ always _ came up when they talked about her past.

“And it's a good thing I was there otherwise  _ this _ may not have happened.” Clarke squeezed Echo closer against her side and then pressed a kiss against her cheek. 

Echo relaxed into the hug and eventually rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder. “So you’re saying you only love me because you were locked in with my crazy dying self for two weeks?” She bit the inside of her cheek. She was pretty certain she already knew the answer to that question but felt compelled to ask it anyway. 

“That's  _ exactly _ what I’m saying,” Clarke replied, laughing. “I had two options: murder you in your sleep so I could get some peace in my last moments, or stop hating you long enough that I could start understanding you. I’m glad I chose option number two.” Clarke reached up with the hand not currently wrapped around Echo’s shoulder and began to brush some hair from her friend’s face. “If I could go back in time knowing what I do now I’d still follow you into that cave.”

Echo felt her eyes growing damp at Clarke’s words. She really didn’t want to cry but the Big always seemed to know exactly what to say to push her over that edge. “If I could go back in time I wouldn’t have thrown away the nightblood serum. I looked absolutely  _ ridiculous _ bald.” She cracked a smile, her heart swelling in her chest when Clarke started laughing. She loved when the girl laughed since it meant she wasn’t currently worrying about everybody and everything.

“I’m glad you think that’s funny. I should shave your head and let  _ you _ see what it’s like,” Echo grinned, watching as Clarke wiped at the wetness now coating her cheeks. She was cry-laughing, something Echo hadn’t seen her do in a long time. “Seriously, stop picturing me with cactus head. It’s not that funny.” It actually was that funny and she soon found herself laughing alongside her friend.

Clarke wiped at her nose and cheeks with her sleeve, uncaring how gross it was or of how many times she’d reprimanded Little Echo for doing the same. Clean clothes didn’t grow on trees don’tcha know. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just-- you had this one spot above your forehead that refused to grow back in--” Clarke continued to laugh, hunched over herself as she clutched at her sides. She didn’t care that those sitting closer to the fire were probably watching them now. She had nothing to prove to them anymore. Let them think whatever they wanted. 

“You mean my super special unicorn horn spot?” Echo asked, sitting up now as Clarke began wheezing with laughter. “Was it you or Bellamy that told my Littleself I would never get my unicorn horn if I kept on scratching at the scabs there?” She reached up and subconsciously brushed her fingers over the spot in question. It had taken almost six months for that particular wound to heal and another six months for patches of hair to finally start appearing. By then the rest of her hair had been a few inches long so she really  _ had _ looked ridiculous. 

“Oh god, I’d almost forgotten about that! That was Bellamy’s idea. It was the only way we could get you to stop picking at the wound without resorting to tying your hands down. You’d never even  _ heard _ of a unicorn, but after he’d described it to you that’s all you would talk about. ‘When am I getting my unihorn?’ ‘Is my unihorn growing yet?’” Clarke wiped at her eyes again at the memories.

“I’m well aware of how gullible my Littleself is,” Echo mused, pursing her lips. “Telling me it won’t ever grow in if I kept touching that spot really was brilliant.” She was pointedly ignoring the flip side to that deception - how disappointed her Littleself had been when she’d eventually been told unicorns weren’t real and that she would never get her horn. 

“Wait-- you weren’t mad at us for lying about that, were you?” Clarke suddenly stopped laughing though her cheeks were still bright red and flushed. She hadn’t been there when Bellamy had “broken the news” to Little Echo that she wasn’t a unicorn and would never be one. It didn’t seem as funny now that she thought about it.

Echo smirked, shaking her head. “Me? No. Little me? Yeah just a bit. Why do you think I left you all those dead rats under your door?” 

Clarke looked scandalized at that. “What? You said those rats were left with love!” 

“And  _ you _ said I was a mythical horse that apparently doesn’t exist!” Echo shot back, though there was no animosity in her voice, just amusement. Her younger self had gotten over that disappointment a long time ago. The fact that they’d cared enough about her physical wellbeing to lie to her had helped a great deal. Also the fact that this had been after “the cave”, where her and Clarke had bonded as something not quite as strong as heartmates, but that wasn’t just a typical Big and Little bond either.

“So… they weren’t left with love? Is that what you’re saying?” Clarke asked, eyebrow raised as she studied her friend. They were leaning against each other once more and she was enjoying the comfort Echo’s body provided. She couldn’t help but feel a bit empty however and wished Bellamy were there sitting on her other side. 

She secretly loved when they sandwiched her between themselves, and not just in a sexual way in bed, but in general when they sat or walked next to each other. She wasn’t particularly short herself, but squished between her two ridiculously tall lovers she felt safe and cared for. Like she could stop being the one in charge all the time. Like she could stop worrying about everyone and everything, as Echo liked to put it.

“They were dead rats, of  _ course _ they were left with love. You think I left dead rats for Marper and Memori? They got those weird looking ground mice. Those things were insanely easy to catch with the right set up. Rats were much harder. They took some serious patience to lure into the kill box.” Echo scrunched her forehead up as she gestured with her hands, mimicking the way her traps worked. 

Clarke rested her elbow on her knee and her cheek on her hand as she watched Echo talk. She loved when the girl became enthusiastic about something to the point she’d start animating her excitement with her hands. The fact she was illustrating how she murdered innocent rodents so she could leave them rotting on their doorsteps didn’t even matter. It was and always had been the thought that counted where her grounder girlfriend was concerned. 

“And mice are dumb anyways. There’s barely any meat on them-- not that I expected you guys to eat anything I left you. Everything was probably still too irradiated back then to risk eating it. But I mean, Praimfaya notwithstanding, the rats I’d left you and Bellamy would have been a much better meal than the mice. The birds were probably good too, but only Raven got the birds. Why are you staring at me like that?” Echo had stopped talking long enough to finally notice the way Clarke was smiling at her. “I’m being cute again, aren’t I? What’s that word Bellamy uses? Adonk… adonkabus?”

“Adorkable, and yes, you are being cute. Only you could make murdering small animals sound anything other than gross.”  _ Or cruel, _ Clarke added silently. She’d never say that to her friend though, even if she couldn’t help but sometimes think it. At least nowadays they  _ did _ eat the animals that Echo trapped and killed for them, but back then? Back then they were just glad she was killing mice and not any of them. Or herself. 

“Thank you,” Echo grinned, knowing at this point that Clarke was simply humoring her. She wasn’t naive to the fact that the dead rodents had grossed them out back then, but the fact that they’d all kept quiet and graciously accepted her presents regardless of their disgust had meant a lot to her. Other than Roan she had never had anyone in her life she had wanted to leave presents for, and she would have honestly been crushed if any of them had rejected her gifts. 

Clarke simply rolled her eyes at Echo’s response but kept the same adoring look spread across her features. “Do me a favor, if you ever feel compelled to ‘gift’ my mother something, please stick to the bracelets. For a doctor she’s actually really squeamish when it comes to dead animals.”

Echo grinned, tapping her chin in contemplation. “How about a necklace with ‘The World’s Greatest Grandma’ drawn on it? I’ve gotten pretty good at painting letters on the flat sides of the knots. You’d have to help me with the spelling though. Actually, you’d probably have to do the writing entirely since the knots would need to be really small in order for there to be enough of them.”

“You’re a little shit, you know that, right?” Clarke laughed, reaching out and poking the girl in the nose. “How about we stick to ‘Komfoni’ when you’re dropped, and then we’ll work our way up to the English variant?” Even though it amused Clarke greatly the idea of her mother being Little Echo’s grandmother, she understood that the older woman was not entirely on board with the idea just yet. 

At least Abby had taken to Madi pretty easily, though that might have had something to do with the fact that Madi was her actual daughter, or as close to it as possible. Little Echo was  _ also _ her daughter, but Big/Little relationships didn’t often extend outwards the way that biological ones tended to. 

Echo hummed agreeably, though she wasn’t quite promising to never call Dr. Griffin Grandma while dropped. Her Littleself enjoyed causing trouble as much as her adult self did. “So when can I start calling Kane ‘Grandpa’?”

Clarke couldn’t stop the laughter that burst from the back of her throat. She would pay absolutely anything to see Kane’s face if or when Little Echo called him that. Oh god, she should get her to call him  _ Grandpappy! _ That would be even funnier! She was just about to tell this to Echo when suddenly her friend sat up straight, her entire body tensing as if ready to fight. Alarmed, Clarke quickly glanced around, relaxing only slightly when she realized what, or rather,  _ whom, _ had caused Echo to react like that.

“Am I interrupting something?” Niylah asked, having been watching the two from the other side of the bonfire for quite some time. She’d been meaning to talk to Clarke ever since they’d arrived to the valley early that morning but she hadn’t managed to catch the girl on her own just yet. 

“No.”

“Yes.”

_ “Echo-- _ Be nice. You’re fine Niylah, really. Do you want to sit down?” Clarke asked, pointing to the vacant spot on the log; the one she still kind of wished Bellamy was occupying. She could feel Echo bristle next to her and sighed, shaking her head minutely in the hopes her girlfriend would calm down. Out of all the individuals they’d rescued from the collapsed bunker, Niylah was probably the  _ last _ one Echo should be worried about. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be intruding on something, I just-- I needed to talk to you about something regarding Octavia, preferably before everyone goes to bed tonight.” Niylah kept her eyes on the former Azgedan spy despite her words being directed at Clarke. She didn’t have any real experience with Echo personally but she knew enough about her from stories Octavia had told her over the years. 

“Yu bilaik fir raun ai op,” Echo stated more than asked. It was quite obvious from the way the Trikru woman was staring that she was afraid of her. Five years ago that knowledge would have filled her full of pride, but now? She wasn’t that person anymore and she didn’t want these newcomers to mistake her for the person she  _ used _ to be. “Ai na bants.” She quickly pulled herself to her feet, angling her body so she was standing between Clarke and the intruder. “I’ll go warm up our bed,” she directed this part towards her lover, though said it loud enough that both women could hear. 

Clarke sighed, nodding her head in agreement to Echo’s plan. It would have been futile at this point to ask her to stay. “I’ll bring Bellamy with me, alright?”  _ Whatever you need from us you can have, _ she added silently. Judging from the way Echo relaxed just a fraction it was clear she understood the unspoken message. Her and Bellamy would be there for her in any capacity she needed, be it as her lovers or as her Bigs. 

Niylah remained perfectly still and quiet as she watched the two engage in silent conversation. It was clear that they were romantic as well as dynamic and it soothed an ache deep inside her chest to know that Clarke had finally managed to find someone after Lexa. Not a heartmate exactly, but something just as close. 

Perhaps it was similar to how she felt about Jackson? She wasn’t sexually intimate with the man or his heartmate but she still felt like an integral part of their relationship. The four of them considered themselves a single family unit despite technically being two separate romantic and dynamic pairs. Most of the time at least. While Niylah had no interest in sleeping with men,  _ any _ men, her heartmate wasn’t as picky when choosing her bed partners. 

Which was fine, honestly. Niylah may not have personally felt anything sexual towards the second half of their foursome but that didn’t mean she wasn't “interested” in the idea of her heartmate with them. The bunker was only so big and the four of them regularly shared the same bed. She’d definitely seen things; had  _ enjoyed _ seeing things. It worked for them in the bunker and hopefully would continue to work for them now. Which brought her back to the reason she’d wanted to talk to Clarke in the first place. 

Niylah waited to sit down until Echo had departed and the seat beside Clarke was offered to her again. “Thanks. I hope she’s not too angry with me?” she asked as she indicated with her eyes the retreating Little’s back. 

“She’ll get over it. Echo’s a big girl. Well, most of the time anyways.” Clarke grinned to herself at her own lame joke. 

Niylah breathed out a small sigh of relief that Clarke was still making jokes. Even if it wasn’t the version of the girl she remembered it at least meant she was happy now. “How old is she? When she’s Little I mean,” she asked, hoping to keep the conversation light for now. Asking another Big about their Little usually brought a smile to their face.

“Echo’s  _ all _ the ages. It’s complicated but it works for her. And us. How’s Octavia doing? It’s been almost three days since we found you guys in Polis and I haven’t seen her drop yet. Is she alright?” Clarke could immediately tell she’d hit a nerve by the way Niylah’s body tensed next to hers. “Sorry, that was incredibly insensitive of me to ask.  _ Of course _ she isn’t alright. What you guys have just been through--”

“Clarke, it’s okay. You’re allowed to ask about the welfare of your friends,” Niylah insisted, turning her gaze from the random spot of dirt she’d been staring at towards the Little in question. Octavia was still sitting right where she’d left her: squished comfortably between Jackson and Miller with Ethan curled up asleep in her lap. “But to answer your question, no, she’s not alright. That's why I’m here, actually.”

Clarke was surprised at the honesty from the other woman and she schooled her features as best she could so as not to give that away. It’s not that she believed Niylah would lie to her, she just wasn’t used to dealing with people who so easily talked about what was going on with them. Getting the emotional truth out of her own family was like pulling teeth sometimes.

When Clarke didn’t immediately respond Niylah continued on, “I need you to ask Bellamy to back off. Octavia would never tell him to do that herself but I know she’s struggling right now with him constantly trying to touch her or hug her.” Niylah paused, chancing a glance now at the woman sitting next to her. “I know he’s her brother, but she went through something down there, something he wouldn’t understand--”

“Niylah, he  _ would _ understand,” Clarke interrupted, turning as well so she could stare her friend in the eyes. 

“No, he wouldn’t,” Niylah insisted, shaking her head. “Clarke, you need to trust me on this. Octavia’s not the same person she was five years ago. She’s done things, truly awful things, to help us survive. I know Bellamy loves her but right now he’s making things worse by constantly hovering over her. She needs time to heal emotionally before she can start letting him back in.” 

Clarke sighed as she thought about her soulmate. Telling him he needed to keep his distance from his sister would break his heart, but knowing his presence was only making her worse would do that as well. “Okay, I’ll tell him. Tonight, before we go to bed.” 

Niylah let out a relieved breath of air, her shoulders slumping at her sides as her muscles finally untensed. “Thank you.” She hoped Clarke truly understood how much she meant that. 

Clarke simply nodded in response, her gaze shifting across the camp to where the man in question was pacing half a dozen steps away from the group seated by the fire. “Actually, I’ll tell him now.” She stood up quickly, outstretching her hand in order to help Niylah to her feet as well. “That pacing would drive even the sanest person insane.”

Niylah accepted Clarke’s help in standing but then quickly took her hand back, aware that others might be watching them. She wasn’t worried so much about Octavia getting the wrong idea but more so that Echo might. Despite what she had said about returning to their cabin Niylah was pretty certain the spy was still around somewhere, watching them. “Thank you, again. For everything.” 

“I wouldn’t thank me just yet,” Clarke mused darkly, nodding her head towards the campfire. Bellamy was crouching down now, seemingly arguing with Miller about something. “Are you sure you guys will be alright sleeping outside? We don’t have very many cabins but the nursery would be large enough for the five of you temporarily.”

Niylah was already walking back towards her family, her heart rate speeding up at the panicked look on her heartmate’s face. Jackson was cradling her in his arms but she was clearly in need of her Big more than her big brother. “We’ll be fine Clarke. We’ve slept inside for the past four and a half years. The stars help,” she explained hastily, picking up her pace as the arguing voices grew louder and more intense.

Clarke followed behind Niylah, making it to her soulmate just in time to grab his arm before he could swing it at their former friend. “Hey! Are you seriously about to start a fight right now?!” she exclaimed loudly, tugging her lover backwards away from the scene. 

Bellamy had to struggle to keep his balance and not topple over into the dirt. He was outraged at what Miller had accused him of and was barely aware of anything else in that moment. “He said I was hurting her! My own sister!” he yelled, pulling back on his arm to try and halt their departure. “I raised her! Protected her for sixteen years!”

“And he protected her for five,” Clarke explained as calmly as she could. She was having trouble keeping him moving in the direction of their cabin and was about to give up when a new set of hands appeared, wrapping around Bellamy’s opposite arm. “Let’s get him home before he does something he’ll regret.”

“Taking a swing at his sister’s body guard doesn’t count as something he’ll regret?” Echo asked ruefully. Clarke simply gave her a ‘look’ and together the two lead their third away from the campfire and towards their cabin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trig Translations:** (If there's an * at the end it's an unofficial translation)
> 
> Yu bilaik fir raun ai op* = You're afraid of me
> 
> Ai na bants = I'm leaving


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up about this chapter, there's a small mention of a rather barbaric torture/execution scene that occurred in the bunker. It may seem a bit OOC for Octavia but I'm actually reworking some of the bunker stuff so it fits better with my story. Basically thing were a lot worse down there than we saw in the show.

Niylah sighed as she watched the girl in her arms whimper and occasionally twitch in her sleep. They were laying on a pile of bedrolls close enough to the fire that she was able to see every crease and shadow on her lover and heartmate’s face. Octavia desperately needed to drop but was refusing to even  _ attempt _ the action. Niylah was honestly uncertain if the Little’s stubbornness was due to her fear of what would happen if she finally  _ did _ drop, or what it would mean if she still  _ couldn’t _ drop.

The last year had been especially hard on the Wonkru leader. Before then she used to make time to drop in the privacy of their bedroom, but the past twelve months or so had seen her increasingly rely on excuses to put it off and put it off until eventually she just… stopped dropping entirely. 

Niylah believed she’d been refusing to drop because she was afraid of being vulnerable during such a chaotic time in the bunker. Violent uprisings and coup attempts had been happening with more and more frequency and it had really been taking its toll on their leader. Octavia had never wanted to lead and would have given the position up in a heartbeat if she’d really thought it would benefit every member of Wonkru if she did. The trouble was that those who wanted to wrest power from her only wanted to do so to see her suffer, and not because they actually had any desire to lead themselves.

The enemies of Wonkru had basically turned Blodreina’s death into their sole reason for existing and because of that a lot of innocent people had gotten hurt or killed. Despite the ever increasing destruction and dissent it wasn’t until Ethan’s kidnapping and subsequent rescue that Octavia had shut down and stopped dropping entirely. 

Their boy hadn’t been harmed, at least not physically, but that hadn’t stopped Blodreina from literally drawing and quartering his abductors in what would be viewed as their most barbaric public execution. The fact that her lover already had a system designed and mostly in place to perform such a procedure was alarming to say the least. 

Alarming, but also highly effective. Forcing Wonkru to watch as she tore the limbs off half a dozen men  _ did _ stop the violence and attempts on her life, but only for a few months. In the end their enemies triumphed in overtaking their guards, forcing their family and the few friends who still remained loyal to them to flee to the relative safety of the bunker entranceway. 

The giant steel door that separated the entrance room from the rest of the bunker was all that stood in the way of their impending deaths. Even if the dissenters never managed to break through the door they would have all been dead in a matter of days from a lack of food and water. It was the most terrifying two days of Niylah’s life, sitting in that room with her family, believing they were all going to die a slow and agonizing death. 

When the fires and explosions began happening on the third day she’d actually been relieved. To die under hundreds of tons of concrete would have been preferable to watching her family-- to watching her  _ son _ die from dehydration. But in the end their tomb had become their sanctuary. While the rest of the bunker collapsed under the weight of the ground above it, their room had been close enough to the surface that it remained relatively intact save for the wall adjacent to the bunker, which had been pulled away during the largest of the explosions when the hallway outside crumbled into the newly formed crater.

That’s actually when Gaia had suffered her horrific injury, pushing Ethan out of the way of some falling rocks and cement. The slab of concrete that had landed on her lower leg would have certainly killed the ten year old. Niylah felt her eyes growing damp as she thought about her son’s savior. Gaia was currently fighting for her life while she and her family remained relatively unharmed. Ethan’s broken wrist had since been properly set and splinted, and Cooper’s head laceration stitched and bandaged. The rest of them had no physical injuries apart from some small cuts and bruises. 

It was a miracle, honestly, that they had managed to survive while the rest of Wonkru had perished. And it was even  _ more _ of a miracle that Clarke and her family had been traveling to Polis at the same time all of this had been going down. Niylah was under no disillusion that her family and friends would have  _ still _ died if not for Clarke and her rover full of supplies and water. None of them had been in any shape to search for water on their own and it was increasingly clear that the Earth was mostly uninhabitable now. 

“I can hear you thinking from over here,” Miller’s voice whispered in the darkness, snapping Niylah out of her thoughts. Both he and his partner were laying a few feet behind them while Cooper and Ethan were utilizing a small tent set up on the opposite side of the fire. The ten year old didn’t have the same aversion to sleeping ‘indoors’ that their rest of them did and Cooper had volunteered to keep him company that night. 

“That expression makes no sense,” Niylah whispered back, turning her head so she could look at her friend. There was enough light from the fire that she could see him fairly clearly despite the darkness that surrounded them. For a planet supposedly lacking in water there were still a great number of clouds in the sky that night. Niylah looked to where the moon should theoretically be and sighed when it’s comforting image wasn’t there. She understood rationally that it still existed despite being hidden, but after spending so many years without a view of the sky even a single overcast night was enough to make her uneasy. 

Miller shifted his own gaze in the direction of Niylah’s, frowning when he realized what she was looking at, or rather,  _ for. _ Glancing down at the sleeping figure next to him, he pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Jackson’s head and then carefully wormed his way out from beneath the blankets they both shared. His heartmate had been dropped most of the night so he was confident he’d remain asleep despite his departure. And even if he didn’t, Jackson didn’t tend to get upset when he wasn’t there the same way that little Eric did. 

“Scoot,” Miller instructed, dropping to his knees behind Niylah and then nudging her in the side with his fingers. The bedroll was barely big enough for the two women but they’d certainly made even less ideal situations work in the past. Besides, Niylah looked like she could use some comforting herself, but not the kind Octavia was capable of giving her. 

Niylah rolled her eyes at her friend but shifted slightly, allowing his larger frame a spot on the edge of the furs. It still amazed her that luxuries such as fur bedrolls managed to survive Praimfaya, but she certainly wasn’t complaining about it. The mattresses in the bunker had served their purpose, but were overly springy and uncomfortable when compared to the firmness of sleeping on the ground. Or maybe it was simply the fact that they were  _ on _ the ground and not  _ under _ it that she found so pleasing. 

“What if someone sees?” she asked as Miller settled in behind her, his arm encircling her waist as he pressed his comforting warmth up against her. It was never sexual laying with Miller like this and she was grateful for it. Even though they tended to act like a married couple where their family was concerned, it was more about having a supportive ally in another Big than it was a romantic partner. She wasn’t Eric’s mother and he wasn’t little Octavia’s father, but they were still viewed as the “mom and dad” within their foursome. 

“Sees what? One Big comforting another Big after a stressful few days?” Miller asked, grinning when Niylah didn’t immediately have anything to respond back with. 

“I suppose. I just don’t want--”

“Hey, you should really try off turning that over analytical brain of yours for a few hours. Relax a little. We’re alive, the five of us. We’re on the  _ ground. _ Nothing else should matter right now.”

“Over anacal? I don’t know that word,” Niylah frowned, searching her memory for whether or not she’d heard that skaikru word before. Her English for the most part was impeccable, but there were still a few lengthier vocabulary words that threw her off from time to time. 

Miller bit his bottom lip between his teeth. Niylah was ignoring the point of his statement in favor of distracting him with English lessons. He wasn’t science smart like his heartmate, and he certainly wasn’t leadership smart like Octavia, but early on in their confinement he’d discovered that he had a propensity for helping grounders learn the English language. Niylah had been his first serious student but after that he’d basically been to go to guy for anyone who was serious about learning “Skaigedasleng”. 

Unfortunately the Dark Year saw an end to most of that. He was clearly aligned with Blodreina, the monster who was forcing them to eat their family members and friends. No matter how badly some of the grounders may have wanted to continue seeking lessons from him they simply couldn’t get past what their leader was doing to them. And while it wasn’t technically  _ his _ hand that was forcing them to eat, the fact that he stood silently next to her as she fired bullet after bullet into their skulls was enough to label him a monster as well.

“Hod op, is this what it means to ‘hear someone thinking’?” Niylah asked, shifting carefully onto her back so she could better see her friend. Octavia was still nestled into the crook of her arm and she tightened her grip around her lover’s side, slowly turning the sleeping girl so she was facing both her and Miller instead of the fire. Once she was certain that Octavia was still sound asleep Niylah glanced back over to Miller, raising an eyebrow at him in question.

“Nah, I’m just trying to think of a way to explain over analytical to you,” Miller lied, though his deception was probably obvious to the woman who was basically a sister to him at this point. It wasn’t the same type of brother/sister relationship that Octavia had with Bellamy since he’d never once felt he needed to protect Niylah from herself. 

From others, sure. Ethan hadn’t been the only target of their enemies during the past year. But unlike Bellamy he didn’t believe that Niylah was incapable of making her own decisions. He may not have agreed with everything she’d done in the five years he’d known her, but he’d certainly never try to stop her from doing something she had her mind set on doing. He may have been the dad of their group, but he would never “dad”  _ her. _

“I may not have understood the word, breida, but I understood what you meant by it,” Niylah responded, studying Miller’s face in the flickering light of the slowly dying fire. One of them would have to get up soon and add some wood or risk it going out completely. It wasn’t a terribly chilly night but the last thing any of them needed was to catch a cold right now. She was already feeling a tiny bit unwell, no doubt due to the stress of the past few days.

Miller smiled at the term of endearment. Breida meant “most trusted ally” in Trig, an honorific he still sometimes felt unworthy of. Not so much lately, but more so at first, when the pushback against Blodreina had really truly started. A line had been drawn in the proverbial sand and a lot of his friends had chosen to stand on the opposite side. A lot of those friends-- no,  _ all _ of those friends were now dead. But then most of his friends that  _ had _ been on his side from the start were now dead too.

“They’re all gone.”

“I know.”

“All of them. Thom, George, Brian.  _ Dad.” _

Niylah nodded her head in silent understanding, reaching out with her arm and motioning for Miller to shift closer so he could rest his head on her shoulder the way that Octavia was doing on her other side. Miller rarely ever mentioned his dad but when he did it was because something was really bothering him inside. Niylah knew what it was like to lose a father, but where hers had died as an unfair consequence of war, David Miller had sacrificed himself so that his son had a better chance of surviving Praimfaya. She couldn’t possibly imagine the guilt her friend must be carrying around because of his dad’s selfless actions.

“He was a good man, Nathan. I wish I’d had the chance to get to know him,” she said softly, tucking her arm around Miller’s back as he rolled his body further into hers. He wasn’t crying or anything as obvious as that, but Niylah could still feel the emotional release his body was letting off. Sometimes all it took was a hug. 

A comfortable silence soon enveloped them with only the sounds of Octavia’s occasional whimpers breaking up the peaceful stillness. Eventually Niylah’s arm began to feel heavy and numb and she reluctantly nudged Miller in the side, indicating he needed to shift so she could pull it from beneath his neck. She was about to issue an apology for disturbing him when he shook his head.

“Don’t, it’s alright. I should be getting back before Jackson wakes up,” Miller explained, shifting upwards so his weight was resting on his bent elbows. “Thank you, though.” He paused to let out a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “I came over here to comfort you and ended up--”

“Comforting me. Hugs work in both directions, snogon,” Niylah smiled at her friend, knowing all too well that was a phrase Miller’s father used to use when comforting others, particularly his son. She may not have known the man in life but she certainly felt like she knew him in spirit. 

Miller bit down on his lower lip to keep from releasing the sob that was building in his throat. For someone who was hands down without question  _ not _ his soulmate, he didn’t think he could love another Big as much as he did Niylah, particularly in moments such as these. Maybe they were platonic soulmates? Did such a thing even exist? Not that labels really mattered to him in the long run.

“Ai hod yu in,” he told her, his voice breaking halfway through the short sentence. 

Niylah smiled, reaching up and wrapping her hand around the back of Miller’s neck, pulling his head down closer to hers. “Ai hod yu in seintaim,” she replied back, pressing a kiss to his forehead before letting go. 

“And I love both of your ugly faces. Now shut up, I’m trying to sleep,” Octavia cut in, amusement lacing her unmistakably exhausted voice. She’d been awake for the past few minutes listening to her heartmate and her best friend talk. If she weren’t bone tired and in desperate need of sleep she’d have joined in on the conversation earlier. 

Niylah rolled her eyes as she laughed and tugged Octavia closer against her. “Yes my love,” she murmured against the top of her girlfriend’s head. She then shifted her eyes back to Miller, nodding minutely that she’d be okay if he went back to Jackson now.

Miller really wanted to reach out and touch Octavia as well, his instincts screaming at him to to comfort the cranky Little. He refrained though since it appeared she’d already fallen back asleep. 

Being careful not to jostle the two women he slowly climbed off of their bedroll and back over to his own. Curling up behind his own Little he pressed an affectionate kiss to the back of Jackson’s head before closing his eyes, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep before the morning came. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigedasleng Translations:**
> 
> Hod op - hold on  
> Breida - most trusted ally, friend  
> Snogon - love, loved one  
> Ai hod yu in - I love you  
> Ai hod yu in seintaim - I love you too


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here she is! The final chapter of this massive fic! To think it was originally meant to be a short drabble... then again so was my marvel littleverse lol.
> 
> Thank you once again to everyone who's been reading and enjoying and commenting! There might be a slight delay in the next installment to this series however. I kinda wanna see what happens in the new season first and I might try and do some more fics in my marvel verse too. 
> 
> This one isn't going anywhere tho. I have a few stories I *definitely* want to write, particularly the cave one ;)
> 
> Anyway hope you guys enjoy!

About six weeks had passed since Bunkerkru had arrived and settled down in Eden. Some individuals were handling the transition much better than others but that was to be expected considering the differences in their experiences and amounts of trauma associated with the last five years. Fourkru seemed to be having the hardest time adjusting to their newfound freedom which is why Clarke once again found herself delivering supplies to the cave system on the opposite side of their sanctuary.

Well, to the _entrance_ of the cave system, at least. As much as she liked to convince herself that she didn’t have any lingering side effects from her long ago near death experience, the fact that she was still incapable of stepping foot inside of a cave was pretty much evidence that she was full of shit. Despite what her friends may joke she wasn’t superhuman. She was just human, like them. She was _allowed_ to be afraid, even if rationally she knew the chances of a second cave collapsing on her were incredibly slim.

It was stupid but she actually felt a small bit of pride in knowing that at least she was capable of going _near_ a cave. As far as she knew Echo hadn’t even stepped foot in this part of Eden in the last four years. The former Azgedan spy may have been stronger than her in more ways than she could count, but when it came to facing past demons Clarke was a slight bit ahead. Though it honestly had more to do with the fact that she had no choice _but_ to face her demons, at least in this particular instance.

That’s not to say there wasn’t anyone else in her clan that would have been willing to drive a rover out to the edge of nowhere once a week with food and supplies, but since Octavia was refusing to eat anything that Clarke herself didn’t hand deliver she was kind of out options. They only had two rovers so it wasn’t feasible to leave one permanently parked at the caves for Miller or Jackson to partake on grocery runs with by themselves. They did actually have a third rover but it had stopped working a year ago after a really bad sand storm and Raven had yet to get it operational again.

So as taxing as it was having to play delivery girl once a week it at least gave Clarke an opportunity to spend some Mother/Daughter time with Madi outside of the chaos that had become their home life. With Echo now living in Madi’s room permanently when she was dropped the two girls had grown rather antagonistic towards each other. At least when they were both of similar mental ages. When Echo was dropped into one of her younger headspaces things didn’t seem all that different, but when they were both eleven years old the back room of their cabin became a literal warzone of preteenage emotion and angst.

It was exhausting for everyone involved, but most of all for Madi. She hadn’t had a say in whether her sister moved into her room permanently and the sudden lack of privacy during the time period when most girls want even _more_ privacy was understandably hard to swallow.

Clarke had tried explaining to the girl that her sister no longer had a cabin of her own. That she’d given it to Abby and Kane so that the adults could have their own place to live instead of permanently sleeping in the corner of the medical building. Clarke was honestly incredibly proud of Echo for offering up her home to them so it bothered her quite a bit that Madi was making the already extremely difficult transition even harder for the Little.

Abby had seen the rise in conflict within her extended family and had suggested to Clarke that perhaps Madi was upset at no longer having her mom to herself. Even though Echo’s Littleself had previously slept in Madi’s room with her from time to time, for the most part she’d preferred spending her nights in her own cabin or the nursery, but almost always with Bellamy as her Caretaker. This meant Clarke and Madi had usually spent those nights with each other just the two of them. But now with Little Echo always spending nights in their cabin Clarke was no longer capable of giving Madi her sole undivided attention.

It was a problem Clarke knew she had to address sooner rather than later which is why she was insisting that Madi come along with her on her delivery runs. It may not have been the same as spending time with her alone at night but considering their circumstances it was the best she could do for now. Perhaps in a few months when the new cabins were completed things would go back to the way they’d originally been, but for now this would have to do.

Unfortunately preteen drama wasn’t the only thing Clarke had to worry about at the present moment. There was also the fact that Gaia had stopped speaking to her mom and that Indra as a result had disappeared into the woods almost a month ago and had yet to reappear. They knew she was still alive, however, since Brell had become for Indra what Clarke currently was for fourkru.

Except where Fourkru had been camping out in the same spot for the past few weeks Indra tended to move around making it impossible for anyone but her heartmate to track her. Clarke was honestly a little confused why Brell hadn’t disappeared into the woods along with her Big but she wasn’t about to ask the grounder this. She barely knew Brell save for the stories Cooper had told her. The woman had been very much loyal to Blodreina but only for practical survivalist reasons and not because their morals lined up in any way.

Clarke could understand and accept that. She still didn’t know exactly what had gone down in the bunker other than it was worse than anything she could possibly imagine. Her mom had told her that much, but when Clarke had pressed for details Abby had clammed up and refused to say anything else. Which was annoying to say the least, but her mom had been busy keeping Gaia and the other grounders alive at the time and so Clarke had to eventually let it go.

At least one positive of the past few weeks was that the nightblood serum still worked as intended. Not the dozen or so syringes of her bone marrow she’d made up and stowed away in the bottom of her napsack after leaving Murphy’s bunker, those had long since coagulated and become unusable. Clarke had still kept them however, tucked away in the back of a drawer in the medical building. She’d originally planned on giving them to her mother and Octavia and whomever else they’d decided to rescue first from the bunker, with the idea that over time they’d be able to create 1200 more doses to give to everyone else. She hadn’t known at the time that the tower had collapsed onto the bunker door or that the Earth was mostly uninhabitable.  

So while the bone marrow itself had been unusable the actual syringes had been a literal lifesaver about a week after bunkerkru had escaped their underground tomb. It had started with headaches and a general feeling of being unwell but within days of settling into Eden all of those who had been born on the ground had grown deathly ill from radiation sickness.

As they’d originally discovered in Mount Weather those born on the Ark had a higher tolerance for radiation than those born on the ground. Clarke was honestly ashamed that it took so long for her to remember this fact and that they’d almost lost Gaia as a result. The girl’s immune system had already been compromised due to a nasty infection in her leg. If they’d waited any longer to extract and administer a new batch of marrow to her she would have died for certain.

Which unfortunately was the reason that the girl was no longer speaking to her mother. Once Indra had been told the reason for her and her daughter’s sudden sickness she’d immediately insisted they be injected with the marrow that would save their lives. Trouble was when they’d told Gaia the same thing the girl had pleaded with them _not_ to make her a nightblood. It was an ethical dilemma that no doctor ever wanted to face. Did they adhere to their patient’s wishes even if it meant letting them die? Or did they do what was needed to be done to save their life?

In the end Indra had taken the choice away from them and into her own hands, injecting her daughter when Abby had been busy treating Niylah and Brell. So while Indra _did_ ended up saving her daughter's life, Gaia was no longer speaking to her as a result.

Clarke shook her head as she thought about the heartbroken look on Indra’s face when Gaia had told her to never speak to her again. For all the issues she currently had going on with Madi at least the girl had never rejected her presence in her life.

Trying not to think about that awful scenario Clarke instead switched her focus to her mother and Raven. Even though she wasn’t actually part of their dynamic she still felt her chest fill with warmth and love at how cute the two were being. Clarke hadn’t been around the first time her mother and her friend had bonded having been wandering the woods as Wanheda during that time period. When she had eventually returned to Arkadia there had been so much going on that she barely got to witness the Big and Little interacting as heartmates.

Now however, with no life or death scenarios pressing down on them, Abby had decided instead of just outright bonding with Raven like she’d done originally she wanted to follow a long lost tradition from pre-apocalyptic Earth. Instead of bonding and being done with it she wanted to _date_ Raven. To court her, so to speak. Before the nuclear destruction of Earth Bigs and Littles didn’t always bond with their heartmates right away. Same as with soulmates, actually. But where soulmates would _romantically_ date before taking the plunge into bonding, heartmates would often _play_ date.

Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she thought about how nervous and unsure her mother had been the first time she’d picked Little Raven up for a play date. It’s not like Raven was going to reject her in the long run. They’d already made it perfectly clear to each other that they definitely wanted to bond but that didn’t stop Abby from worrying that she was going to mess things up somehow.

Raven had just gone five years without an official Big which meant the girl was perfectly capable of existing without one. So even though the two of them were spiritually destined to be together, if something were to change Raven’s mind it’s not like the Little _couldn’t_ reject her in the end.

Clarke was fairly certain Raven had the same worries with regards to Abby changing her own mind but she’d promised Kane she wouldn’t get involved. He had been adamant that it would work out for both of them in the end and that the nervousness and second guessing was simply part of the process of dating.

Back on the Ark dating had never really been a thing. At least not for soulmates or heartmates. Despite believing they were the last surviving humans not everyone ended up finding a mate. It was clear to them now why this was so since some of their mates were or had been on the ground, but back then they’d simply believed that not everyone was spiritually lucky enough to have won the soul or heartmate lottery. Those that did discover they had a mate were lead to believe they had no choice _but_ to bond.

That’s not to say that anyone had actually been opposed to the idea or felt that their bond was non consensual in the end, at least as far as Clarke was aware. But then she had been lucky in that her parents _were_ soulmates, so perhaps her experiences were skewed because of that? Wells’s parents hadn’t been soulmates which was why only Jaha had ended up raising him. Well that and the fact that his mother had passed away when he was young, but even before that his dad had had sole custody of him.

Raven’s mom and dad hadn’t been soulmates either. Or at least that’s what Abby believed since all soul and heartmate bonds had been registered and recorded in a medical database. In a misguided effort to increase the number of future bonds Abby and the other doctors on the Ark had believed that reproductive preferences should go first to soulmate couples. Obvious exceptions existed for the Chancellor and members of the council but for the most part they had limited the number of non bonded pregnancies in the hopes that it would eventually decrease the number of children born without a future soulmate or heartmate.

Looking back on it now it really was terrible science. The thought that non bonded pregnancies were the reason children were being born who would eventually grow up without a mate. But considering it was truly believed that those on the Ark were the last remaining humans in existence, maybe it wasn’t such bad science afterall?

Clarke felt the happiness slip away a little as she heard Madi moving around in the seat next to her. They’d been wrong on the Ark but they weren’t wrong now. There were only twenty-one humans left on the planet. _Twenty-one._ That number horrified Clarke for a number of reasons but none more so than the fact of what it meant for her daughter. Due to her being a naturally occurring nightblood it was already known that she was a Little. What they didn’t know yet was whether Ethan was also a Little or whether he would grow up to be a Big like his biological parents had been.

If Clarke were to hazard a guess she would say Ethan was a Little, but she’d only known him for a few weeks and that really wasn’t enough time to make an accurate assessment. Not to mention he was only ten year olds, and unlike girls, boys didn’t often start displaying dynamic characteristics until they were much closer to their reproductive puberty. Madi was eleven and was already behaving like a Little in stressful situations, minus the actual dropping of course. Ethan was behaving that way as well but considering the horrifying experiences he’d already been through in his short life it was probably unfair of her to assume his behavior was indicative of anything other than a justifiably traumatized child.

Truthfully Clarke hoped he _did_ end up being a Little. It was an awful thing to think, that one type of bond was “better” than the other, but if Madi was only capable of having a heartmate _or_ a soulmate she really wanted her child to have the latter.

From the very first moment she’d laid eyes on Lexa she had loved the girl with all of her heart, but as strong as that connection had been it wasn’t anything like what she’d felt for Bellamy the first time they had met. That’s not to say the death of her heartmate hadn’t been the single worst moment of her life, but as painful as that had been-- as painful as that _still_ _was,_ she had eventually been able to move on. If anything were to ever happen to Bellamy Clarke honestly believed she would die along with him. If not in body then definitely in soul.

Which again was something she really didn’t want to be thinking about right now. Or ever. Instead she tried switching her thoughts to something that was actually going positively in camp. Despite how it may seem things were actually going pretty well within Bloodkru, or Edenkru as they were now called. Since not all of them were nightbloods it didn’t make sense to continue using that as their group identity. Only Gaia, Indra, Brell, and Niylah had needed to take the serum so the majority of the newcomers still had red blood. Edenkru ignored all of that and simply encompassed everyone currently living in the valley, even those who would rather live in caves instead of cabins.

Speaking of caves, Clarke couldn’t help but tense up as her and Madi’s destination came into view though she quickly relaxed once again when she saw Miller, Jackson, and Ethan standing alongside the road leading up to their current home. They must have heard the rover approaching and had decided to come meet them. Clarke wanted to believe that they’d done this to prevent any discomfort she might feel since at this point they already knew she had a phobia of caves, but in reality it was probably because Octavia was “having issues” again and they were simply trying to prevent them from becoming worse by not having her and Madi entering their home.

That was honestly fine by her. Not only could she stay far away from the cave but this way when Bellamy no doubt grilled her on the state of his sister she didn’t have to lie and say she was doing great, she could simply say she didn’t know and leave it at that. Though knowing her soulmate that would probably set him off even _more_ than a blatant lie. In the weeks since Fourkru had left their main camp he’d only seen his sister twice and both times hadn’t gone well for either of them.

Rolling up to a stop in front of the guys, Clarke cast a glance towards the girl sitting next to her. The present Madi had been planning to give to Ethan was no longer in her lap which meant she must have hidden it, probably from the boy’s uncles. It was honestly the worst kept secret in Eden that the two of them were destined to be together but if it made the girl feel better to hide her feelings from the adults around her then who was Clarke to judge? Maybe they could find some way to slip the box to the boy while the other two were helping to unload the rover?

Parking the vehicle, Clarke turned off the engine and opened her driver side door, hopping out onto the slick, muddy ground. It had rained quite a bit the night before and she was honestly surprised they’d managed to get this far without getting a tire stuck at least once.

“Hey,” Miller nodded his head at Clarke as she began to approach.

There was a time when he would have gone to give her a hug but too much had transpired in the five years since their group had been separated. It wasn’t that he no longer considered her a friend, he was just unable to let his guard down long enough to hug someone other than his immediate family. In the bunker they’d been betrayed on numerous occasions by those they’d considered close friends, so even though this situation was different he still couldn’t let himself relax around others.

Jackson didn’t have the same hangups his heartmate did, and so even though he knew it bothered Nathan that he so easily trusted their former friends he couldn’t help but walk up to Clarke and embrace her. “Thanks for coming,” he told her as he lingered in the hug a little longer than was necessary. It had been a really rough few days.

Clarke could sense there was something up with the Little in her arms. Even though Jackson wasn’t dropped he still seemed in need of comfort which was confusing and a bit concerning since his Big was standing three feet away. Had something happened apart from Octavia having issues? Or was Octavia simply worse off than she’d been previously during Clarke’s visits?

Miller knew right away that Clarke was suspicious and he sighed, walking over to the two and placing his hand on his heartmate’s shoulder indicating he should let go of their friend. “Jackson’s not feeling too well. We were kind of hoping you could take him back with you so Abby can look him over? Ethan’s volunteered to go with him so his uncle doesn’t have to be alone in case he drops.”

Clarke couldn’t help frown at that, not sure why Miller wasn’t going with Jackson instead. How could Ethan help if Little Eric were to make an appearance? Eric was older than Ethan by three years and if he really weren’t feeling well then wouldn’t he want his Big there with him and not his nephew? Or younger cousin? Clarke actually wasn’t sure what Ethan’s relationship was to Jackson’s Littleself.

Jackson could tell that Clarke didn’t believe their story so he moved forward to once again embrace her. With his face against the side of her head now he whispered to her what was going on. Octavia was not doing well at all and Ethan being around was only making it harder for them to help her. He wasn’t actually feeling sick but it was the only way to convince the boy to go to their camp for a few days without him growing suspicious of their motives.

Miller could see Clarke’s face from where he was standing and understood that Jackson was filling her in on their scheme. He honestly hated that they were manipulating Ethan into leaving but Octavia was probably only hours away from crashing and her son absolutely couldn’t be there to witness her like that. And out of the three of them it made the most sense for Jackson to go with him. Octavia wouldn’t need a doctor when she dropped; she’d need her Big and a strong set of hands to hold her down if she tried to hurt herself again.

“Are you alright uncle J?” Ethan asked, stepping up between the adults and tugging on the man’s arm. He was scared that his uncle was sick in the same way his Momma had been when they’d first arrived to Eden. His Momma had needed a really large needle and lots of bed rest to feel better. They had beds in their cave home but not giant needles. Or his aunt Abby. His aunt always made him feel better when he was sick. He wasn’t supposed to call her his aunt when his Mommy was around but since she wasn’t going with them he thought it would be alright.

“He’s okay Ethan. Clarke’s just helping him feel better. You know how nice it feels when your Momma hugs you? It’s kind of like that,” Miller explained as he directed the boy towards the back of the rover so they could start unloading the supplies.

Ethan allowed himself to be led away. “It feels nice when _both_ of my moms hug me,” he countered, unsure why his uncle had singled out only one of his parents.

“Of course it does. I’m sorry buddy, I shouldn’t have said it that way. Maybe for you it’s more like the difference between when I give you a hug and when Jackson gives you a hug? You can tell the difference, right?” Miller continued to probe though he honestly wasn’t sure if the boy was old enough to be able to sense the differences in comfort between Bigs and Littles. He also wasn’t sure if Ethan himself was going to be a Big or a Little. If he were a Big then he might not be able to tell until he reached second puberty. Littles on the other hand usually began sensing the subtle differences in their interactions with each dynamic years before their counterparts could.

Ethan pursed his lips together as he thought about hugging both of his uncles. It _did_ feel different when he hugged his uncle Miller but he’d just thought it was because his uncle Jackson was _also_ his cousin. Hugs from uncles were meant to feel stronger than hugs from only sometimes uncles, right? “Yeah I guess so,” he ended up responding with a shrug of his shoulders. He would ask his cousin Cooper about this when he saw her later. Cooper never lied to him or dumbed things down because he was only ten.

“Thought so,” Miller beamed, reaching out and ruffling his hand through Ethan's shaggy blond hair. He still hadn’t let them cut it yet and it was constantly falling in his eyes. “Alright, let’s get this stuff unloaded so you and Jackson can be on your way.” He indicated the boxes and jugs of drinking water. It was going to take him ages to drag all of this back to the cave himself but Niylah wasn’t leaving Octavia’s side right now. Not even to wish their son safe travels. Octavia wasn’t doing well at all and he sighed as he thought about the rough few days ahead.

*****

It took about twenty minutes but finally the vehicle was unloaded and both kids were sprawled out on the blankets in the newly vacated space. Clarke had insisted Madi sit in the back with Ethan so Jackson could be up front with her. Not surprisingly the eleven year old hadn’t complained at all at the request.

“You two okay back there? It’s starting to rain so the drive might get a bit bumpy,” Clarke asked as she glanced into the rearview mirror. Both kids were laying on their stomachs with their backs to the front of the vehicle. Madi was talking in hushed tones to the boy about something she’d spread out before them. It was obviously her present to him. Clarke wasn’t actually sure what it was she’d made him other than it was a drawing since she’d requested a sheet of their limited supply of paper and some of Clarke’s own pencils.

She’d gladly given the items to the girl, happy to see her exploring her artistic side. Up until she’d met Ethan Madi hadn’t shown any desire to be creative, though it was a bit disappointing she’d thus far refused any assistance in honing her craft. That being said, the girl wasn’t the _worst_ artist in Edenkru. That honor definitely belonged to little Johnny.

Cartoon penises were _not_ amusing and wasting their limited supply of paper and pencils in order to draw them was not something Clarke approved of. Unfortunately Echo seemed to find the boy’s art hysterical and so often passed him some of her own supplies when the rest of them weren’t looking. As unamusing as the overall situation was, Clarke had to admit it _was_ rather funny watching Kane’s face when he’d opened up the “present” Johnny had slipped under his door the previous week.

Which, yay, she’d finally found something to think about that wasn’t entirely negative! At least from the majority of Edenkru’s point of view. Abby was the only one who had  actually been upset by the Little’s gift, though her annoyance may have had more to do with Kane hanging the drawing up on a wall in their cabin and not simply that Johnny had given it to her soulmate in the first place.

“What are you smiling about all of a sudden?” Jackson asked, cocking his head to the side as he noticed his friend laughing quietly to herself about something.

“Penises,” Clarke responded, keeping her voice low so the kids in the back couldn’t hear. She glanced into the seat next to her and laughed out loud now at Jackson’s shocked and confused face. “Murphy’s gag gift to Kane. I’ll show you after we get you both settled in,” she explained, glancing up into the rear view mirror now to make sure the kids hadn’t grown interested in their conversation due to her laughter.

Nope. They were still focused intently on whatever it was Madi had drawn.

Jackson wasn’t sure he really wanted to see something that contained both the words “penis” and “Murphy” but if it was a gag gift to Kane then maybe it would be worth it. “Thank you, by the way, for not saying anything--” he trailed off, indicating with his head the boy laying behind them.

Clarke nodded quickly, returning her eyes to the road. It had started to rain a little harder so the already muddy ground was growing even more difficult to navigate across. At least they were almost out of the woods. Once they made it to the grassy plains the drive would be much easier. “Are you sure it’s a good idea for them to be--” she also trailed off her sentence knowing he would understand what she was trying to imply.

“Yes. Of course. They know what they’re doing. Just please don’t tell Bellamy. That’s the last thing O needs right now, apart from--” Jackson nodded his head towards the back of the rover again.

“I’m trusting your judgment on this, but if anything were to happen--”

Jackson reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Clarke’s arm. “She’s our _family._ Nothing’s going to happen.”

Clarke relaxed a little at the certainty in the man’s voice and also at the way he’d said the word “family”. He sounded the same way both her and Bellamy did when they talked about Echo and Madi, and there was no way in hell they’d ever let anything bad happen to either of their girls.

“Are you guys talking about my mom?” Ethan’s voice suddenly piped up from behind them and Clarke winced, realizing it was rather foolish of them to think the kids wouldn’t be able to hear or follow along with their conversation.

“We are, yeah. But there’s nothing to worry about, E-man. Your momma and Miller are taking good care of her. You know they would never let anything bad happen to her, right?” Jackson asked, turning in his seat so he could see the boy he basically considered a son.

Even though he and Miller referred to themselves as his uncles they actually viewed themselves more like his dads. The main reason they didn’t use that terminology was because Ethan already had a dad. His biological father hadn’t been one of the hundred selected to survive Praimfaya and so even though the boy didn’t really remember him they hadn’t wanted to dishonor the man’s memory by usurping his place in his son’s life.

“Yeah I know,” Ethan replied, shrugging his shoulders as best he could with the way he was lying propped up on his elbows. He knew the adults were keeping things from him with regards to his mom, but he also knew that she was the strongest person in the whole wide world so he wasn’t _too_ worried. His mom was a warrior and the savior of all humanity. She would be okay for a few days while he was away making sure his uncle felt better.

“Can Cooper come home with us? When you feel better I mean?” he asked, pushing himself up into a proper sitting position now. The rover was bouncing quite a lot so he had to hold onto the side of the truck to keep from being knocked over. He wasn’t used to having to keep his balance while being moved around like this.

Jackson sighed as he turned around a little in his seat. “Ethan we talked about this. Cooper is living with Monty and Harper now. They’re little Kara’s parents in the same way Nathan is mine when I’m dropped. She’s happy where she is. It wouldn’t be fair to make her come back with us.”

In truth Monty and Harper were just housing Cooper because Octavia couldn’t handle having her around anymore. That’s not to say the Bigs didn’t seem to enjoy caretaking the woman’s littleself, but it wasn’t actually a heartmate connection or anything. Monty’s heartmate had been Jasper and Harper’s had been Zoe Monroe, and even though it had been years since their Littles had died neither were ready to move on just yet, if ever. Which was probably for the best since Jackson wasn’t sure Kara would even be _capable_ of bonding with a Big after what Octavia had done to her.

“I’m sure Cooper will be happy to see you though. Both her and her littleself talk about you all the time,” Clarke added as she navigated the rover around a large muddy hole in the road. They were almost back to camp and she wanted to make sure both kids were in a good mood when they arrived. It was hard enough dealing with Madi when she was being a grouchy preteen, but add to that a second grumpy child? Yeah Clarke really didn’t want to be around when both kids were in full blown angst mode.

“And by ‘talk’ she means ‘won’t shut up about you’,” Madi corrected, rolling her eyes as she sat up herself and scooted so she was leaning against the same wall Ethan now was.

Ethan actually perked up at this new information. He liked knowing his cousin missed him as much as he missed her.

Clarke smiled to herself as she watched in the rearview mirror the two kids beginning to talk quietly to each other once again. She could see the entrance to camp coming up between the trees and revved the engine just a little so as to alert the others to their impending arrival. And by others she of course meant Bellamy and Echo.

It had only been three or four hours since she’d last seen her soul and heartmates but the day had been emotionally exhausting and all she wanted was to curl up in their arms and let them take care of her for a while. She may have been the de facto leader of Edenkru but that didn’t mean she couldn’t let others take charge, especially when she felt like how she felt now. She was happy her friends were alive and safe, but she was also worried about Octavia and how Bellamy would react when he eventually found out about his sister’s true condition.

But that was a problem for another day. For now she was just going to enjoy the friends and family that she _did_ have around and hope that things would all work out in the end.


End file.
